Guest Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 It's easy for all of us to come here and play victim on this site. We were always the prim and pristine girlfriend/boyfriend until the ex dumped us. Well in my case, that is not true, I made a lot of mistakes during our relationship. I'm not talking about petty fights or argument, I'm talking about being a major , immature pain in the ass. I had anger problems that I took out on my ex several times, mostly by breaking up with him anytime I got upset at him. I have a doomsday mentality where any little thing, I tell him , we're not going to work out so we should just break up. He would ask me to come back and I would. The break-ups never lasted for more than a day but there were about 5 or 6 of them during the course of 1 year. I admit, I never wanted to break up with him, I couldn't imagine my life without him but I used breaking up as a way to punish him for not doing or being exactly what I wanted him to be. So I was the one with the control issues, something I didn't realize how much impact it made until tables were turned on me and now he's gone. How could I have been so stupid and so callous with someone's heart and feelings? I realize the errors of my ways and I will spend my life making it up to this man if he would let me. But it's too late now, he's had his fill and moved on. And I'm sitting here kicking myself for taking him for granted, for taking love for granted because I thought I would always have it. I want to invite him out and apologize and tell him I want him back, I want a do-over because I know I'm capable of doing it right and I'm capable of becoming a better person, I know I'm now a better person. He was my kindred spirit and without thinking, I tossed him out. I know he'll probably turn me down and say no, but for the first time, I'm willing to put my pride and arrogance aside and grovel and it doesn't matter , even if he thinks I'm desperate or clingy or whatever. I don't want to let him walk away not realizing that I love him and I want him in my life.
Coastal Gator Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 Found this site a few months back and I have always lurked, but this one made me register b/c you sound an awful lot like me. My ex and I were together for about 3 1/2 years and, like you, didn't realize what love was until it was too late. I too was immature and used anger to control. I never picked my battles with her. Anyways....it's been 1 1/2 years since she broke up with me and I still feel pain. For a while, I did exactly what you are thinking of doing....beg and plead that I would change. I knew things would be different and that we would be perfect if she would give me that one chance to prove it all. Well...that day never came and I wish I wouldnt have hung on to that thought as long as I did. It dragged me to depths I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. One thing you have to understand is living with regret doesn't help the situation one bit. If he doesn't come back to you...all you can do is learn (and it seems like you already have) from your mistakes and move on. I know it's easier said than done. But please don't kick yourself over and over again like I did. You made mistakes...we all do. Life is all about mistakes. It's about not making the same mistakes over again. With that said...I hope you get the second chance I never got...but if not...the sun will rise again and you must stay on your feet. Feel free to hit me up with any questions you have as your story sounds very similar to mine. Good luck... Jason
Reckless Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 How could I have been so stupid and so callous with someone's heart and feelings? You did what you could - that's all we can ever do...As they say, now you know better do better. Break-ups are very rarely one-sided and even if you are indeed entirely at fault you can only learn and more on from the experience. Learning is the hardest thing but there are plenty out there that just stumble from one relationship to the next (and very often back to the first) and learn nothing - that, as my brother once said to me, is how you end up old and stupid. Its hard but the having learnt from the past you'll eventually be ready for the future.
Guest Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 I think that you should have a talk with him. If he can't take you back, you willl have a GREAT perspective for the next relationship. You have learned a valuable lesson that many of us need to learn. Thanks for sharing and I wish you well.
BimmerNY Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 I feel for your pain and am very sorry that you have to go through this. My girlfriend of 4 years just left me a week ago because I acted like how you did too, I would just break up with her over random stupid things. I would control her and if things didn't go my way and we have a heated argument, I'd tell her to go home get outta my life we are done forever. And then beg her to come back after like a day, and she would come because she loved me so much and understand I would over react. But it would hurt her and she would tell me its like hell and her heart was pulled out and ripped apart, and how she would cry very hard all night in her room. She left me and met some guy that treats her a whole lot better a week ago while we were still a couple, lol I deserved it, I had it coming. Now I'm the one who cries really hard and feels my heart is ripped apart. My how the tables have turned... Here is a link to my post if you interested in my story. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t95713/
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