typical Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 How does one know if they are being used? I dont mean the obvious of course. Also, how does one know if they are being used because they are pretty? Can anyone give me examples of a long term relationship in which it was later found out to be just one person using the other for whatever reason?
a4a Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 How does one know if they are being used? I dont mean the obvious of course. Also, how does one know if they are being used because they are pretty? Can anyone give me examples of a long term relationship in which it was later found out to be just one person using the other for whatever reason? ahhh if that is you in your avie I don't think you need to be posing such questions. I am with my H because he is good looking... I cannot think of any reason I am with him other than that.
hotgurl Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 Well I think there is a certain amount of using that happens in all relationship but usually it's a back and forth. I am assuming you are talking about being used without being valued as a person. Yes I have heard of it esp for financial security and looks. I dated soemone and he just wanted to look good like he had it all without doing the work so he used me in that way. To have the house and gf etc....
Author typical Posted August 8, 2006 Author Posted August 8, 2006 Well I think there is a certain amount of using that happens in all relationship but usually it's a back and forth Yes, thats obvious and quite often harmless. But I am speaking specifically of being used, and not knowing about it until much later down the road when you finally got a clue.... and he just wanted to look good like he had it all without doing the work so he used me in that way. How did you know, and what were the signs?
hotgurl Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 Yes, thats obvious and quite often harmless. But I am speaking specifically of being used, and not knowing about it until much later down the road when you finally got a clue.... How did you know, and what were the signs? Well I found out way later after being in the relationship for a long time and after getting out of it and reflecting on things. He was a classic narcissit. He wanted to have it. Whatever it was. The car, house marriage, baby, dog etc... but not work for it he thought he just deserved it. But he was very charming nad decietful and it took a long long time for me to see him and he really was. Even now after dating for 6 years having a baby together and breaking up I am not sure who he really was but I know I was just part of a package he wanted because it looked good and made him feel better than he was. I hope this makes sense to you. Sometimes it is very hard to tell if you are being used esp if the person is a skilled manipulator. Is this a general question or do you have a specific example?
Author typical Posted August 8, 2006 Author Posted August 8, 2006 nothing...just a funny feeling is all... got into a quick heated skirmish with BF in which I vaguely mentioned moving on without him..to which he vaguely mentioned that I was the most beautiful GF he has ever been with....not exactly an appropriate time to bring something like that up, and besides with, WHO CARES what the F i look like?? This is my life here, this is my heart, my soul, my mind...not some F-ing Miss GF of the Universe contest.
Author typical Posted August 8, 2006 Author Posted August 8, 2006 So come on, People...chime in here, it doesnt have to be advice for me, but tell me a story about how you were used, and how you came to find out....
hotgurl Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 I was actually just going to write that unless it is super obvious. It usually a feeling in the pit of your stomach that you are being used. Nothng really tangable. Like it mostly a one sided relationship. etc... I've been used by friends but than it was really obvious they would borrow my stuff and return it damaged and not offer to replace it. I would always sit thier kids and no offer to watch mine. etc.. etc.. Then when you point out thier bad behavior they are all offened!
Guest Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 The thing about users that makes it at least a little more bearable once you find out, is that usually they are not capable of real love and will use anyone to get what they want. So it's not a personal thing against you (although it sure feels that way).
moman Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 I've been used before by girls who just want dinner and drinks and nothing else. I've eliminated this largely by doing the following things: 1. Never go out on pro-forma dates. Just make it a casual meeting with a drink and if it's not going well, when the bill comes I offer to split it. Since it wasn't officially a date, why should I Have to pay? 2. Go in for a move on the girl. If I try to kiss a girl and she backs away then I know she is either unsure or a player. Funny enough, since I have stopped caring I've had more girls buy me drinks and be aggressive about the whole intimate thing. I am in a situation right now with a girl who might be on the 'edge' and I will find out soon and cut losses if necessary.
Walk Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Not that this applies to all situations, but sometimes people inadvertantly use another without realizing it. Like the baby sitting thing. I've been in situations where I sat their kids often and they never offered to do something in return. It took me a while to realize they expected me to ask for what I wanted. Once I asked, they were more than willing to do it. My ex used me like hotgurls used her. That whole "ME me me me me me me" mentality. Really struck me when I'd spent 6 months training for the military, hadn't spent a dime of the money I'd earned through blood, sweat and tears... went to the bank to withdraw $40 and my account was empty. Should've been nearly 10 grand in there. There was a hefty over draft fee left for me though... Amazingly, it was only then that i realized I'd been used. stupid.
blind_otter Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 nothing...just a funny feeling is all... got into a quick heated skirmish with BF in which I vaguely mentioned moving on without him..to which he vaguely mentioned that I was the most beautiful GF he has ever been with....not exactly an appropriate time to bring something like that up, and besides with, WHO CARES what the F i look like?? This is my life here, this is my heart, my soul, my mind...not some F-ing Miss GF of the Universe contest. Well maybe that is something that is important to him? Maybe he thought you would take it differently - that he values you more than his past GFs. He used the wrong wording, but who doesn't do that? Especially in an argument. Being used, I have been, for being attractive, for money, for sex. You know it. like HG said, it's a gut feeling. You see it in how they treat you every day. How disposable you are to them and how you can't elicit any deeper feeling in them, they seem only able to pantomime the type of loving care a relationship is usually based on, and only then for short periods of time. IME, anyways.
hotgurl Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 I've been used sexually and I think for me that was the worst because it makes you feel so cheap and dirty. Last time that happened I remember trying to wash myself cleana nd crying in a scalding hot shower. Yea fun times!
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