Guest Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi--i just have a quick question of you think will happen. I feel very uneasy about a b/f going to a bachelor party or being apart of those types of things etc. But i know--most guys feel its ok and dont want to be considered "whipped". I called my b/f today and then he just mentions we have a wedding to go to. His cousin is getting married. Its in a few weeks. His mother and his family will obviously be going too. I asked if you were close and he said its my cousin. I asked where he lives and he said upstate but he think the wedding will be located in NYC. He said he hadn't seen him for a few years after i asked that. I'm assuming 2 or more. Do you think my b/f would be invited to the bachelor party? Its usually the friends who plan something right? In a year and a half i never heard anything about his cousin so i am hoping this means my b/f wouldnt be apart of it or his friends wouldn't know to invite him unless the groom mentions him. I know some will say oh i should just trust but i'm sorry--i just dont like this even though i know guys will be guys and would wanna go to one eventually. If the wedding is in nyc--do you think the bachelor party would be too? I really don't want him to be apart of this. I actually decided to just ask b/c i have a right to know and i said is there one? He said well nothing was given with the invitation and he hasnt heard anything yet but of course he would go if there is one. The wedding is in a few weeks--arent these things known about already even by word of mouth? Please write back on your thoughts.
Mr_henshaw Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 I dont know if he would be invited guess its down to how fond they are of each other. But i think its a bit unfair that you dont want him to go, you cant stop him enjoying himself on the basis that you dont trust him, and in that case should you even be togeather if u cant trust him to go out with his friends. Friends are just as important as gf/bf. so if you two get married is he allowed a stag night? Would he stop you from partying with your girl mates? And if he did would you not feel like he was stopping you enjoying life?
superconductor Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 There's this myth about bachelor parties that they're just drunken free-for-alls with lots of nekkid wimmen and loud music and billiards and cards and cigars and all the rest. In fact, it's a little-known secret that bachelor parties are times when the groom and his associates get together for needlepoint, Christian music and visiting shut-ins at hospitals and such.
Guest Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 Somehow i am wrong for not wanting my b/f to participate in an event where its a free pass to view a naked woman besides me? And this is a lot different to me than picking up a magazine or the tv..it takes little effort to do those things and its not live. Noone has ever heard of a bachelor party out of hand where touching is involved and the guys are so drunk they will get all the lap dances they want despite the fact they have a g/f or wife...Sorry but i really doubt these guys who are committed relationships will think a lot about their g/f when looking at a naked girl with their friends.
john2776 Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 You can't ask you BF not to go to the bachelor party. If he listens to you this he is whipped. Neither of you want that. I've been to a few of these parties, and almost always there are naked woman, but none of them had any touching. You just need to live with this.
P1xie Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 Somehow i am wrong for not wanting my b/f to participate in an event where its a free pass to view a naked woman besides me? And this is a lot different to me than picking up a magazine or the tv..it takes little effort to do those things and its not live. Noone has ever heard of a bachelor party out of hand where touching is involved and the guys are so drunk they will get all the lap dances they want despite the fact they have a g/f or wife...Sorry but i really doubt these guys who are committed relationships will think a lot about their g/f when looking at a naked girl with their friends. Sometimes bachelor party's don't involve naked women. My X bf friend had a small get together before he got married. I don't know if it was because it was his 3rd or 4th wedding. He just didn't seem to have the need. Not all guys are I need to see some live naked chicks before I get married. I suggest before you get too upset, first find out if he's actually invited and second what the itinerary is going to be.
bethbeatrice Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 I wouldn't worry about anything until he actually has plans to go to the bachelor party. Only then will you know the details. If he tells you they are going to a strip club or having strippers, then you can put your foot down and let him know how you feel on the issue. If he respects you, he won't go. However, many men have bachelor parties that are nothing more than hanging out at a bar, going camping or some sporting event. None of these things have anything to do with women. I guess what I am saying is, don't worry until you have a reason to.
bethbeatrice Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 You can't ask you BF not to go to the bachelor party. If he listens to you this he is whipped. Neither of you want that. I've been to a few of these parties, and almost always there are naked woman, but none of them had any touching. You just need to live with this. BTW- No you do not "need to live with this." Not going to bachelor parties with strippers at your request does not mean "he is whipped," it means he cares about you. Cheating in the mind is as bad as cheating physically. I have had many boyfriends and all of them have respected me and our relationship enough to not go to bachelor parties where there is stripping. An alternative is to let your boyfriend go to the parts that don't include women. That way he hangs out with the guys and doesn't cross and boundaries.
superconductor Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 Sure, by all means, tell him that you don't want him going. That will certainly endear him to you and want him to spend the rest of his life with someone who is that insecure. </sarcasm>
Guest Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 my b/f says its being whipped if he does not attend.
bluechocolate Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 This topic crops up regularily here. Do a search on "bachelor party" & you'll find hundreds of threads & varying opinions. My opinion is that if you trust him you'll let him go.
a4a Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 my b/f says its being whipped if he does not attend. That is a good one. Heads up..... learn now. He will not change down the road. What he is saying is I am aware that you are really upset about this. But my need to look manly in front of my friends is way more important than your feelings or your insecurities. So see this is your problem, not mine. NICE......... Don't get serious and talk about marriage with partners that do not hold the same values as you or that dismiss your feelings. In such a situation I would not be worried about the strippers but the fact that my SO was attending and shows disrespect to our relationship and to me. These same "I am going to look whipped guys" are probably the same ones that would freak the hell out if they found out if you were talking to another man, who is fully clothed, had lunch with a male coworker, or went to the movies with a fully clothed male other than them...... :lmao:
superconductor Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 What he is saying is I am aware that you are really upset about this. But my need to look manly in front of my friends is way more important than your feelings or your insecurities. Reason #2776 why men should never share their feelings: When he said he would be "whipped" if he didn't attend, he got attacked by his SO. A4a, I think you're pretty smart, but in this case you're way off the mark. The ritualized humiliation of a groom-to-be has long been a staple of men's culture. What the OP wants is for the man to essentially turn his back on his circle of friends during this event. So what's a guy to do? No matter what he does, he's screwed. If he goes to the stag, he'll get an avalanche of grief from his SO. If he doesn't go to the event, he'll miss out on an important time in the groom-to-be's life and lose social standing in his group. As I see it, this is one of those situations when the relationship with the SO has to take a back seat. It's got nothing at all to do about how much he cares for his SO or not, and it has everything to do with maintaining and strengthening his community of friends. OP, trust him and let him go. If you can't trust him, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with him at all.
a4a Posted August 22, 2006 Posted August 22, 2006 Reason #2776 why men should never share their feelings: When he said he would be "whipped" if he didn't attend, he got attacked by his SO. A4a, I think you're pretty smart, but in this case you're way off the mark. The ritualized humiliation of a groom-to-be has long been a staple of men's culture. What the OP wants is for the man to essentially turn his back on his circle of friends during this event. So what's a guy to do? No matter what he does, he's screwed. If he goes to the stag, he'll get an avalanche of grief from his SO. If he doesn't go to the event, he'll miss out on an important time in the groom-to-be's life and lose social standing in his group. As I see it, this is one of those situations when the relationship with the SO has to take a back seat. It's got nothing at all to do about how much he cares for his SO or not, and it has everything to do with maintaining and strengthening his community of friends. OP, trust him and let him go. If you can't trust him, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with him at all. See you are projecting your values onto every man alive. My H turned down his own party.... he down right refused to even go out because he had attended his friends and found them disrespectful to their SO's. What I am saying is no you do not have the right to say "screw your friends" what I am saying is find a person that has your same values then...... if you want a partner that recognizes that you would be hurt by such an action than look for one that will recognize it. She does not need to just get over it. If attending strip clubs or naked parties does not meet her values than she should not expect him to change nor should he expect her to just shut up and deal with it. Choice for her to leave or for him to say " her feelings are important and one night out gawking at naked women is not worth hurting her and harming our relationship" Now if she was pissed because they went bowling and drank beer....... then she needs to find a guy that does not bowling and does not drink beer... or who is willing to refrain from such.... this works both ways ..... if she was into going to naked men bars just for fun with her friends but it really bothered him it would work the same way. Both parties feeling on the matter are equally important. But one is based on fun for a few hours and one is based on much deeper issues. IMHO. So bottom line what is the best thing to do if they both would like to continue this relationship...... keeping in mind that they hold different life values than either of us may. Just because men want to do something or other do or it is tradition does not make it any less hurtful for some...... empathy is lacking here I guess?
chrissy123 Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 Wow it really still amazes me that alot of people here feel that a women should have no say in if her man goes to have naked women walking all around him. I guess it also make a women insecure and controlling to say I'll leave you if you ever get a lap dance. I have told my boyfriend if he ever goes to a strip club bacehlor party or no bachelor party I will leave him. I do not like these places. So far we have been together 6 years and he has never gone to one. He has been to 4 bachelor parties but all of the grooms chose to not go to a strip club because there fiancee didn't approve. Explain this to me me please........ Oh honey I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, you are the only girl for me, but now I have to go have another women get naked and rub her breasts into my face while grinding into my lap.
Tatara Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 Sure, by all means, tell him that you don't want him going. That will certainly endear him to you and want him to spend the rest of his life with someone who is that insecure. </sarcasm> If you don't like insecurity in a woman, don't get involved emotionally with an insecure woman. Pretty simple IMO. Find a woman who fits your needs better. Most people who dislike these sorts of things say so from the beginning, so whos fault is it when there are problems? Men want their porn, stripclubs and bachelor parties - fine. Get a girl who doesn't mind. When you fall in love with a woman who is insecure about these things, and works her hardest to change that part of herself for you but can't, then who are you to tell her that she has to accept it? I would rather my guy leave me then force me to endure that kind of relationship. I'm sick of fighting it and torturing myself trying to be someone I am not. If you want confidence leave me alone and find a confident girl. Quit feeding it into my head that I have to mold myself, my confidence and my feelings around the mans "normal *need*" to oogle/lust over a body mine can never be and over actions I can never (hard as I try) compete with. I realize the degree of anger I've portrayed, I will probably be back to apologize about it later <sigh> some backbone I have.
hopeful-pessimist Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 ^^^^^ props to you. i completely agree
Guest Posted August 24, 2006 Posted August 24, 2006 hey guys the wedding is a week away and my b/f has not mentioned about not being around this weekend. So do you think the chances that there wasnt one or that it might have occurred and he just wasnt invited.(maybe it was a small get together of friends in their area or something) I don't really hear too much about bachelor parties occurring 2 days before a wedding anymore which would be next and the time i think it would occur if it didnt happen this weekend. Aren't there a lot of things to get ready for such as rehearsal dinner etc etc. Do you think the chances of it occurring are low now? I know i cant stop him from going but i can hope there isnt one thats gonna happen for now.
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