Broken

[cnote1973]

Hey all! First post here.

 

I just have a question. I was dating this great girl for 3 months. She is 33 and was married at 21 and divorced by 30. She wasn't happy with her husband and feels she was married too young and too quickly. He said some things to hurt her as well during their marriage, including calling her the "N" word. She is black and he is white, I am white as well. But that is not important really.

 

Anyhow, she recently backed away from me and said she just wants to be good friends. But all of this happened so suddenly, things were going so good between us but I did notice she was very 'closed off'. She had told me this was how she was, that she was that way with her husband too and that her father had verbally abused her when she was younger too.

 

My question is, how is it for a woman who has gone through divorce when it comes to sharing their feelings and opening up to other men? She told me so much how great she thought I was, how she had never met anyone like me, how she just felt so safe with me. Then one day she just cuts me off, and it blows my mind because now I feel like an idiot because I start thinking she didn't really like me like I had thought, like I misjudged things. Why is it so hard for someone like her to tell me her feelings? I have been very trustworthy in our relationship but when she backed away, I couldn't get her to tell me much for about a week and then it was short answers with no detail. She told me she wanted me to be happy, that she didn't think she could be what I want and she couldn't make me happy right now, and to move on. But this is the most wonderful girl I have met, and I just don't want her out of my life. I don't want her to shut me out, and I wish I didn't feel like such a fool for believing she wanted me in her life. I asked her at one point "do YOU want me to move on? Are you done with me for good?" and she kept answering "I want you to be happy" but she sould not just tell me "yes". When I tried to get her to give me that she got upset and said "why are you doing this?". I don't understand why she couldn't just say "yes, I am done with you". It is always "I want you to be happy". I wish I knew what she wanted for her.

 

Thanks,

 

C-Note

[norajane]

It's cause she knows she's not capable of giving you the kind of relationship you want with her, even though she does like you. She doesn't want to let go, but she knows that she isn't mentally or emotionally ready to actually be with you. For whatever reason, she started feeling uncomfortable once you closer and has backed off. Respect that, and respect her for being honest with you rather than hanging onto you while pushing you away at the same time. Google fear of intimacy.

[cnote1973]

Thanks, and I did thank her for that the other day because I know she was trying to look out for me and I appreciate that. I'm just heartbroken right now is all, holding out hope in my mind that she will figure out things or maybe trust me enough to let me help her through her fears. But I don't think this will be easy for her, I just miss her basically.

 

C-Note