my bf doesnt want me to see a therapist..

[snowflake02]

I think I may be suffering from depression...im not sure though.

Maybe my bf is right, I just need to grow up and snap out of it. The majority of my life I have been feeling this way though, sometimes there will be phases where ill be feeling ok but other days I will just be crying and sad for no real reason or because of some really stupid reason. I mean theres nothing really "wrong" with my life. I hate myself for being so weak and for letting myself self destruct myself. I think I would have a really

good and fulfilling life if I wasnt so unhappy all the time. My bf doesnt understand why I get down, he says I have nothing to be down about. Which is true...I dont understand either. I wish I could just always be happy. These days I pretend to be happy when Im with my bf even when im down. I mean who wants to be with someone who is always depressed. Sometimes I cant help it though...I burst into tears infront of him twice these past 2 weeks without any real explanation. His advise for me is to "think positive thoughts" and to be "stronger". I am trying so hard though, I bought loads of inspirational books, have tried to keep myself busy but its not helping...he doesnt realize that Ive been suffering from this problem for the past 15 years..

I have decided to go see a therapist next week for the first time.

I was hesitant but I decided to be honest and tell my bf that I was going to visit a therapist. His reaction really saddened me though....he said he was shocked and wasnt really happy about me going. I think he was kinda pissed off about the whole thing. He said that I need to work it out myself and to stop thinking that something is wrong with me..I tried to explain to him that this could really help me overcome my issues which in turn would help us have a better relationship.

I wish he would be more supportive, I guess because everthing is going well between us he doesnt understand why im sad. He said he has never met anyone who has needed to go to a therapist. I guess he sort of understands now, but it still makes me really sad.....i feel like a pyscho now. Am I wrong for wanting my bf to be completly understanding? Sometimes I feel I am too much of an emotional burden to him...and it makes me even more depressed.

[bluechocolate]

He said he has never met anyone who has needed to go to a therapist.

What on earth does that mean? I suspect your b/f has an that old fashioned notion that therapy is for 'psychos'. Hence:

 

.....i feel like a pyscho now.

 

Maybe he also thinks that he is all the therapy you need.

 

If you've been feeling despressed for years then most certainly you should talk to a professional about it.

 

Am I wrong for wanting my bf to be completly understanding?

 

Of course not. Well maybe not completely understanding, but he should certainly be supportive.

 

If it turns out that you do need therapy then that support AND understanding will become paramount. Will he be there for you?

[KittenMoon]

Realize that some guys are just oblivious to these sort of emotions. I've struggled with depression, "greyness", shifting emotions most of my life too. My exbf was fairly insensitive to it as well, although he always tried to get me to get medication. Note I said medication, not therapy. For some guys its hard to undersand non-quantitative emotions and cures, such as depression and therapy respectively.

 

Since you say your life isn't bad in any way (neither is mine), your depression may be due to hormonal fluctuations (which no man with EVER understand), or a chemical imbalance, or a medical issue (like a thyroid condition). Talk to your therapist about this, also consider talking to your doctor or ob/gyn.

 

Maybe after a few sessions with a therapist your bf might sit in a session with you, just to observe. It may help him realize that even when nothing is wrong, sometimes people can still experience extreme emotions. It doesn't make them psycho or anything.

[quankanne]

he said he was shocked and wasnt really happy about me going. I think he was kinda pissed off about the whole thing. He said that I need to work it out myself and to stop thinking that something is wrong with me..I tried to explain to him that this could really help me overcome my issues which in turn would help us have a better relationship.

I wish he would be more supportive, I guess because everthing is going well between us he doesnt understand why im sad. He said he has never met anyone who has needed to go to a therapist.

 

honey, therapy is not about him, but about helping YOU by giving you tools – and if needed, medications – to combat what sounds like chronic depression. Explain to him that your body is like a high performance vehicle that needs to be kept in good running order. Read this link, then show it to him:

 

http://www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article.php?artID=160

 

now, if he's still against you getting help, tell him that if he cannot be supportive of you getting help for your needs, then at least shut his yap long enough so that you get done what needs to get done. Just because he's "never met anyone who has needed to go to a therapist" doesn't mean those folks aren't out there – my guess is that they've not said anything to him out of fear of the same response he's shown you.

 

don't EVER feel guilty or bad about trying to help yourself, because no one else has your best interests at heart.

[Outcast]

Back before we had science to tell us differently, people believed any sort of mental ailment was a flaw of character or will. Now science has PROVEN that illnesses like depression are illnesses the way diabetes is an illness - caused by biophysical or biochemical factors. You can't 'snap out of it' on command any more than you can 'snap out of' being diabetic.

 

Your bf may have made up his mind that he knows everything about mental ailments and will not listen to what we now know. Or he might be the sort of person who'll be willing to learn something and admit he's wrong. In the latter case, send him to this information from the National Institutes of Mental Health

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/depression.cfm

 

And if he decides not to 'believe' the science presented to the public by a government-sponsored health agency, well, that's his problem.

[typical]

The only time I ever had a problem with a BF being angry that I was going to a therapist (actually forbid me to go) was when HE was the main reason I needed to go in the first place. You see, BF was afraid that the therapist would tell me I needed to get out now...which is exactly what I did-That was the first and last time I saw a therapist (of course not counting the sessions I was forced to go through as a child for being not right in the head)

[norajane]

So your boyfriend is an expert on mental issues, is he? Sounds like a narrow-minded ass to me. He, first of all, has no right to tell you you should just grow up and snap out of it. If you've been feeling like this for 15 years, you should most certainly talk to a qualified professional about it. Why not do everything you can to help yourself?

 

Good for you for taking action. If he won't support you, or at least shut up about it, then he doesn't have your best interests at heart. You might want to consider whether he's really someone you want in your life.

[Guest]

I have had this same kind of thing, in which people act like I should just "suck it up" but then when I can't I just hate myself even more for being such a wimp about life. Getting help for it is a good thing...it shows strength, not weakness, when you admit that there's a problem and you want to do something about it (however cliche that might sound).

[drownindreams]

The best quote about this sort of thing I have ever heard is "You can't say 'I love you' without the 'I'." This relationship is going to be at best a crutch, worst an accelerator of your depression, until you deal with your feelings toward yourself.

 

I wholly believe you can't love others without caring for yourself first. Your bf believing you don't need therapy is tantamount to him wanting to control you, or for you to be "strong" like he is. Perhaps he is worried you will leave him. In any case this is one of those moment where, no matter how much you love him, you should put that relationship on hold and help YOU first. After all, YOU are the most important person to please right now.

 

Get therapy, whatever help you need--I have suffered clinical depression too, and I lost a boyfriend over the ordeal, but now I can actually move on with my life, happy and emotionally healthy. The long run payoff to getting help is so much greater than a relationship that you have to fake a smile through.

 

Best of luck, and remember that anyone who refuses to support your efforts at self-love is one not worth having around.

[Guest]

ok--i figure everyone here that has replied has undergone "therapy" before, so that why you all are the experts and judge everyone based on one side of the story. the BF is the dolt--of course he probably doesnt understand depression. the people who have it dont understand it, the people who treat it dont, but they are the "expert". seratonin imbalances, etc. a substance in the body that you cant measure, and is treated by administering mind altering drugs at various doses until a medium is found. for some people depression is nothing more than an attitude, and it (depression) is a crutch for failure and a constant excuse for whatever happens.

 

but because people dont understand it doesnt necessarily mean that they are "narrow minded asses". the narrow minded ass is the one who does understand it and doesn trecognize that other people, especially the ones who are not around it, might not understand it. this poster doesnt know if she is chronically depressed--has never been diagnosed, except by some of you "experts" on here. . its apparent that the BF doesnt know any depressants so how can you expect him to understand this? and this poster is probably offering no insights into herself to him, other than crying for no reason.

 

one reason that people fear therapists is not necesarily about control issues----a typical response by depressants-- ie, no one can ever understand, etc., etc. what they fear is that many are quacks, over diagnose the ailments of the day, and prescribe something that will need monitoring over a long period of time. not many people enter a therapist office and leave without being a patient. i bet that many therapists prescribe drugs for depression just based on the say so of the patient--why not? there is no way to tell objectively. the subjectivity of this aliment is why it is not fully understood by people, and the depressant is not willing to explain it , or cant.

 

so before you birds of a feather just bash the BF, you have to consider that this poster is not depressed, its difficult for people to understand this stuff, and maybe he knows this girl better than you do--maybe thats what she needs--motivation by boot up the ass--the marine corp way--you dont see many depressed boots, i can tell you that. maybe she does need anti depressants--you bet she will if she goes to see a therapist. perhaps the real reason the the BF doesnt want this, is because he really likes this girl and knows its over if she gets onthe therapy bandwagon. chances are it will be a long term deal then, and a lot of people dont want all the drama of a depresant intheir lives. its a very selfish disease--just read al the posts where they say to "take care of yourself first" " its about you", etc. this causes the partner's life to always be secondary to the moods and feelings ofhte depressant. thats no way to have an enjoyable long term realtionship.

[Outcast]

Until she has been to see a competent professional, nobody, not her, not the bf, and not us, can diagnose whether or not she has depression. So to excuse the bf by saying he would 'know' whether she is depressed or not doesn't cut it. Unless he's got a medical degree of his own, he can be sure of nothing of the sort. But he doesn't even want her diagnosed. He tells her she has nothing to be unhappy about and therefore cannot be depressed. This shows he doesn't understand depression.

[Guest]

AND THATS THE POINT outcast!!1 he doesnt and no one else does. so you cant judge him for not knowing, as has been the case by many on this forum. you have to overlook the fact that he is parroting what the majority of people think about depression. its the disease of the day, hence the great number of the people in this country on anti-depressives. everyone looking for a pill to make their life seem like a carribean cruise commercial.

 

a pill to lose weight, a pill to feel happy, a pill to blow 45 lbs of crap from your colon, a pill to mind numb your 8 year old so that a teacher doesnt have to deal with youthful energy in a classroom. these "experts" are slowly developing a dependant society that looks for every excuse to avoid personal responsibility and self discipline. cultivating dependancy on the experts-therapist and the pills. all this in the name of a "more sophisticated" society, and people are buying it hook line and sinker.

 

she doesnt have to listen to this guy anyway. she can go to therapy own her own if she thinks she needs it--and i would be willing to bet that if she goes, she will definitely need it. anyone with any sense will research and get opinions from a lot of people on various things and life decisions---and will have to take that varying advise based on their own parameters of judgement. she has the opinions of people here, she knows the way her BF thinks, so she just needs to make a decision.

 

she also has to judge the therapists advice also--no doubt, as they usually do, they will give advice based on one side of the story--and in this case, when she gives the story she has posted here, the therapist will tell her to get away from this guy. basically the same stuff that others have posted. the therapist will not hearing his side, get the self help and self importance stuff started and sowing the seeds that the magic pills will help all her imbalances. her unhappiness is not her attitude, but a medical condition of chemical imbalances, on top of her normal chemical imbalances that occur once a month. in the end, its only herself that can change her situation. but wait, i can just here the therapist saying, well, you shouldnt be to hard on our BF---he doesnt unsderstand D as most people dont understand it---have him come in so i can talk to him and educate him on it, and maybe he will be supportive of you since he sincerely may want you to snap out of it". i doubt that wil happen--she will be alienated from him, and have found her new dependant rlationship, the therapist, who will now take cake of her.

 

she will walk out with a handful of pills and the next appointment. maybe she will go, and will post the outcome. it will be intersesting, and will be decided by her words alone in the session. nothing objective, just her perception of reality which will get her a supply of mood drugs.

 

so i wouldnt be too hard on the BF--chances are that he doesnt want to be with someone who is into this depression stuff. nothing wrong with that--he has a life also, and deserves something for himself just as the depressive does. its not selfish to decide not to drown with someone in their dark hole--maybe he is just trying the only way he knows how--hoping against hope--that she can snap out of it and not get caught up in this depression cycle, which can be never ending with all this "professional" help. hence his reluctance about her gooing to see a pro, because you know how that will turn out. he might be selfish in that respect.

 

as sophisticated as this society thinks it is, there is still a stigma for many people about going to a therapist and getting into mind games, despite all the efforts by the psyche establishments to make it mainstream. this is why they are getting into the med. insurance now to get benefits. no one wants to admit it and not be PC, but its there in reality. think a supreme court justice would ever get through hearings with a big history of therapy??? Have someone like dr. phil telling him in private about all his demons and then making decisions that effect the entire country? i think not. its reality.