Phoenix2006 Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 My ex had come back to town. Since getting back he has been calling and emailing me quite a bit. I've even seen him a few times while out.... I decided to give us a shot at being friends again. He has been flirting around acting as if he wants more than that. I always declined his invites etc because I have moved on and am seeing someone else now. However, the several times talking to him, he failed to mention that he was seeing someone new. Not one word that another girl even existed in his life.... I told him from day 1 that I was seeing someone...I figured honesty is the way to go...I didn't want him to be hurt if he happened to run into us somewhere... Well the opposite happened. I kinda ran into him and his new gf at a store (and I am pretty sure she was a gf by the way they were acting)....I saw this and I admit it bothered me at first.....like someone had hit me in the stomach and knocked the breath out of me... all kinds of emotions surfaced...hurt and anger basiccally.... Anger not so much because he had moved on...(although yes, part of me did get a little jealous I admit) but because I felt he had been lying to me.... He invited me out to a party with him the night before I saw them...what kind of person pulls that B.S. ? It hurts that he tried to play me like that....I felt like walking up to her and saying "Good luck sister, he's your problem now...you're gonna need it." All I did was walk by and act as if I didnt see them. Just kept my eyes forward and casually walked by like they weren't even there....I wasn't totally 100% sure he saw me, but looking back I am pretty sure he did....and I am even more sure now because he hasn't called or emailed in over a week.... I think he's expecting me to be pissed and yell at him...but I really don't care anymore. Yes, I was hurt at first, but seeing him with her is something I *needed* to see for myself. So in a way I am grateful....I am happy where I am at...and this whole incident helped me see just how lucky I am to have the man that I do. I don't want my ex to feel like he has to avoid me like the plague now since his jig is up. Our families are close too, so when they come up to visit. I'd like to be able to be around him without the extra weirdness factor. So should I email or call and just say that I don't care what he does....but I just didn't apprecaite him trying to play me like that? Still can't believe it...I thought he thought more of me than that.
unforgiven1977 Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 You can't believe it but it was accidental right? I mean niether of you planned on you seeing him with his new gf right? So if you were seeing someone else and so was he then there should be no reason to feel resentment towards him as you were obviously under the understanding that it was ok. No reason but you feel it anyway right?! It's ok if you do. It's not an abnormal response. Anytime anyone get's out of a relationship you like to think that you're going to come out on top. That if you have a relationship and he doesn't that you've managed to come out on top. But you both managed another relationship. That doesn't make it a tie. This is no game where points are awarded. If you're happy without him and you're happy in your current relationship then you really shouldn't care what's going on in his life. Sure it's nice to believe that someone will be miserable for the rest of thier lives without you. But it's not really fair nor realistic is it? Forget about him and move on. You appear to already have done that so it shouldn't matter. If he's happy then more power to him. If you're happy then let it be.
waitingforlove Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 I'm sorry to hear that it hurt your feelings. But to be honest, I think it's just your pride kicking in. You told him that you were seeing someone new. So if YOU can go out with somebody else, why can't HE do the same? He has NO OBLIGATION to tell you everything about his life because you are no longer his girlfriend. Therefore, I don't think it's right for you to accuse him of "lying to you." He didn't; he didn't need to tell you that another girl existed. You told him about your new guy because "you didn't want him to hurt if he ran into you with the new guy." But that's because you thought that your ex wasn't over you. To your ex, it's a different story. You already had someone new, so he doesn't need to worry that you would hurt if you ran into him with his new girl! Actually, sounds like he's a very mature guy. If he told you about the other girl, you might have reacted like this earlier and then started to want him back. So if he was using the other girl to make you want him back, then he would have told you about her. His not telling you about her shows that he's really over you and is not simply using this girl to make you jealous. You told him there was no more chance for the two of you, so he's free to have other people in his life, and you can't be angry at him for that. And he certainly didn't "play" you. If you think he did, that's probably because unconsciously YOU were the one playing games! Think about it. If you REALLY don't care about him at all as you say, then there's no need at all to email him and emphasize that you don't care. The more you emphasize something, the more likely it's the opposite of what you're saying. Sorry to be blunt, but you sound rather proud -- nobody has the obligation to feel lost about your leave permanently. You are upset because he isn't thinking about you as long as you think he would. He's smart to move on. Don't think of yourself more important to ANYONE than you really are, then you won't get so angry.
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