Guest Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 My ex-boyfriend and I have been dating on-and-off for the past 2 years. We dated and broke up twice during our first year together. When we broke up for the second time that year, we ended on bad terms. I was so heartbroken that I had to move 2,000 miles away and for about 8 months, we had little to no contact. At the end of those 8 months, I broke no contact when I returned to my hometown on a 2-week vacation to visit my family and friends. I called him up and we met for a couple hours one evening. That night we both realized how much we missed one another and from then on, we continued to communicate on a regular basis. We would talk on the phone at least once a week and our conversations would last anywhere from 2 to 8 hours. Two months after we reconciled as friends, he flew 2,000 miles to see me for a weekend. To say the least, the old flame was rekindled. I then made the decision to move back to my hometown and we agreed that when I returned (which wouldn't be for another 2 months after his weekend visit), we would resume dating. We then dated for 2 months, our relationship ending for the 3rd time about a week ago. He broke up with me, citing the following reasons: 1. He is moving away to attend law school at the end of the school year (which concludes 10 months from now). He says he doesn't want to get attached to me. He also claims he is against long-distance relationships. 2. He doesn't want to be in a relationship and he doesn't want to be a boyfriend at this time because he doesn't want the responsibilities that come along with being in a relationship and being a boyfriend. He wants his freedom and his space. He wants to be able to do whatever, whenever. He readily admits to being at a selfish stage in his life. I have come to accept his reasons, however, I still love him and I want nothing more than to be with him. We broke up on good terms and he insists we remain friends. We broke up about a week ago and since then we have seen each other twice. Should I continue to to be his friend and see him in this manner? Or is there another solution? As I stated above, I still love him. We have worked so hard and have come so far from where we were a year ago, that I would hate to throw away our friendship. However, I know, in my heart, I will never be content with being just friends. Please help!
johnnytable Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 However, I know, in my heart, I will never be content with being just friends. You have your answer right here. It is incredibly hard to go from lovers to friends to lovers to friends. It just doesn't work that way. You now know that even after 8 months your heart can be hurt by trying to become friends again. I think that you probably need to move on with your life. Maybe 5+ years down the road you can see how you feel. He clearly does not want a relationship and seems pretty honest about his reasons. Time to let him go and time for him to let you go.
bluechocolate Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 Until you reach a point where you're happy to just be friends without wanting/hoping for something more, then you won't really be a friend at all. You'll just be someone hanging around with the pretense of friendship wanting & hoping for something more. Just because he insists on it doesn't mean you have to comply. His desire for your friendship is less important than your need to get over the relationship & move on with your life. One day in the future friendship may be possible. One day in the future you may decide you couldn't give a toss anyway. Either way, the only way you're going to get there is to give yourself some time away from him.
norajane Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 If you stay 'friends' how will you feel when he starts dating other people? Do you think you can handle it? I'm guessing no, and that you would be very hurt to see that. That's more than enough reason to stay away from him.
loveinlife Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 It is hard really hard to break up with someone whom we've known for so long. I tried to remain friends and hoped for more but found out last week we couldnt bc I started calling her and she told me stop calling since she is in a relationship. Ironically, she initiated friendship and started to call me in the beginning. Its a sticky situation. If we dont on we will not let our hearts find the next partner. Good luck!
Yamaha Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 Should I continue to to be his friend and see him in this manner? No. He is telling you he wants to be free to date and have sex with other girls. Is this acceptable to you? If you love him I don't think you could sit by and say nothing. You deserve someone who wants to be with you and only you and he is not the one.
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