Just another story

[unforgiven1977]

Well my wife and I had a "talk" tonight. I hate talks because it means I'm about to hear something I'd rather not hear (whether I need to or not). But before I let you all in on our little talk I think I need to share a little background about my life. Maybe for my own benefit just to vent than anything else.

I'll do my best to sum things up but I'm apt to rant so please bear with me.

I'm a 29 year old man. I feel like I'm about 49 but I'm sure alot of you can relate. When I was a senior in highschool my parents got divorced after 25 years of marriage. It came out of the blue and caught me completely by suprise. I had no idea my parents were having problems. Well at the time I thought nothing of it but there was another major change in the house that year. I friend of mine came to live with us. He was one of my best friends and graduated a year before me. He was a foster child and since his foster parents weren't getting any more money because he was 18 and graduated they told him to take a hike. I felt bad for him and so did my parents so we gave him a place to stay. You may see where this is going but it doesn't matter. I'll get back to that.

So my parents split which was pretty bad but I could at least take comfort in speanding time with my highschool sweetheart. I was deeply in love you see and when one is deeply in love everything else seems, well, not so important. So I dealt with things alright.

I graduated highschool and still at age 17 it was time for me to ship off to US marine corps bootcamp (yes I had enlisted with my parents consent the day after I turned 17). This was pretty hard. Not only was I just a kid barely out of highschool. Not only was I going away from my family and my fiancee (sorry I forgot to say we got engaged). But I was leaving it all willingly to go live in a place that so closely resembles hell like none other on earth. But I did it. 3 months later I come home on leave and got married.

I won't go into alot of details over the next four years (my enlistment in the corps) but let's just say it wasn't exactly the easiest thing in life to go through. My wife was also clynically depressed for much of the time but we made it.

I got a good job after the marines and life seemed great for almost a year. Then things took a serious turn for the worse. It may seem like I'm skipping out on alot of details here but truth be told it all happened so fast I remember it as but a blur. Firstly my grandmother died. She was in her 80's so it's not like it came as a huge suprise but it was the death of a loved one none the less. Two weeks later my sister dies. She was my younger sister. She was only 20 years old and passed away in her sleep. After two autopsies they could not determine a cause of death. She just went to sleep and didn't wake up. The events that transpired that day I'll not mention but suffice to say it was a pretty bad day. Two weeks later my uncle dies from a heartattack in his sleep. He was 56.

That's alot of death to deal with in a little over a month's time. But I'm not done yet.

A few weeks later my wife tells me on my birthday that she thinks we should get a divorce. Thanks. She gives me three days before I'm moved out and living with mom again. Long story short she left me for another guy she met over the internet in a chat room who lived in England. Yeah! I never suspected anything was wrong with our relationship. Again I got hit from out of nowhere. I was still grieving for Christ's sake.

So I live with mom for about a month before she tells me my best friend (remember the foster kid) was himself getting out of the marine corps soon and would be moving back home. If you haven't figured it out yet he and my mom had something going on and I was not comfortable with that to say the least. So basically she was telling me I better find a new place to stay.

A friend of mine from work offered to let me move in with him. This man is unbelievable. He bent over backwards to help me out in my time of need and never asked for anything from me. So anyway I move into his place and into a bedroom that measures around 8x10. With everything I managed to take away from a 5 year marriage stuffed into a small closet.

It takes a couple of years before I meet my current wife. We've been married now for just over 4 years. Together for five. She brought two children into the marriage that I fell in love with. Neither of them know who thier fathers are so I'm it. I AM dad.

In this time we go through alot together. Ups and downs. Mostly ups I think though. She left me once and cheated on me years ago but we got through that.

In the time to come we had a daughter together. She's the most special thing in my life right now. We lived in a few apartments, each nicer than the last. Finally we managed to buy our own house. Not just any house but the house of our dreams. I love this house as much as any physical, non-living thing can be loved. I've put alot of work into it. We've lived here for about a year and a half.

We've had a few problems along the line and I've made an honest effort to conform to her wishes. We communicate well but hardly ever argue.

We live in a nice small town. We live on a very nice street and have very nice neighbors. The schools are some of the best around. The ideal place to raise a family.

Now I like to think I'm a good guy and I try to be the best husband I can. I try to be the best father to my kids. I work hard and I provide well. I don't drink, I don't cheat, I do my share of work around the house. I'm actually quite the chef I don't mind saying and cook dinner most of the time. Not only that but everyone says "it's the little things that count". I know this and I do the little things that count. Without even thinking about it most of the time.

Anyway thanks for bearing with me and now I'll get down to the point. I only shared all of that to show you that I've been through a few things and I've lost alot. Only now I stand to lose more than ever.

My wife and I had a talk tonight as I said. And what it all boils down to is she's not happy. There's no other guy I'm pretty damned sure of that. Believe me after what I've been through that's the first thing I tend to suspect. From what I gather she just hasn't felt happy for a while now. I took her back once after she said she figured out what she wanted (it was me supposedly. By me I mean US). Now once again she's not sure what she wants or what will make her happy. We both admit that we're not sure that any one person can ever make her happy. She also says she doesn't know why she's unhappy but that our relationship makes her feel confined. She says she does love me. Obviously she needs to do some soul-searching but she says she doesn't think she can while being with me. But she also says she's afraid if she finds out she really does want to be with me and have what we have together and I'm no longer there for her anymore.

So if we split we lose everything pretty much. There's no way either of us can afford the house by ourselves. The kids would have to move which would be hard on them. Not to mention the fact that their parents are no longer together.

So what do I do?! I keep trying my best because that is what I do. But I feel like my best will never be enough. I feel like no matter how hard I try I am just swimming against the current so to say.

I know she needs some time to figure things out but apparently that means we can't be together when she does that and I understand. I just don't know if I can go through what we've been through already again. It was hell on me the first time and I ended up taking medication for it for a while. If we did seperate and she did decide she wanted to be with me I think I would always be wondering if a few years down the road the same thing wouldn't just happen again. Just like it has before. I don't think it's fair to me to put myself through that.

I love her. I truelly do. I love what we have together and I'd do anything to keep it. But if there's nothing I can do to keep it then what?!

So here I stand at another turning point in my life. Another point at which the direction I can travel is not left up to me. That is how I feel.

I don't know what to do or what I can do. I guess all I can do is keep going to work. Wait for her to make a decision. Then deal with the life choice that she has made for me. Not just for me but for the kids as well.

I feel like maybe I'm not meant to ever have anything because someone else will always take it all away again.

So although I keep trying, because that is what I do and the way I understand life, you try and you fight for what you want in life, I feel like it just doesn't matter. It's a feeling of utter helplessness.

So what do I do? Do I keep swimming against the current or do I just turn around and go along with it. Let it take me where it's going to because that's where I'm bound to end up anyway.

Sorry for the long post and thank you for reading this. Thanks also for your time and consideration.

[unforgiven1977]

I know I posted alot but please take the time to comment. I'm pretty desperate for some advice and I'm getting drunker by the minute which porbably isn't the best thing but eh... I've been browsing the forum and reading other posts and Gunny you seem to have some pretty good insight and being a fellow jarhead I'm hoping for a response.

Again thanks to everyone for even reading my long post.

[Lor]

Hey there. You sound like a decent guy who's been thru the wringer a lot. You've made it this far, don't back down now.

 

Can you let us know why your W feels this way? What has she said? How old are you? How old is she?

[DieselPWR]

Unforgiven,

I am not going to go into the W situation. I feel your pain, I can tell you that much. But I am gonna address the "I'm getting drunker by the minute" thing. You had mentioned that you don't drink. Why start now? I can tell you from hard learned expierence that is not the answer. I don't care how much you drink, and how drunk you get. When you wake up, hungover and sick, the problem will still be there. How do I know? Been there, done that! Alcohol is not the answer or solution. Sure, you may feel good while you're doing it, but if you think about it, alcohol is a depressant, and will amplify those feelings of self-doubt, worthlessness, and self-pity that you are already starting to feel. It may seem like a quick fix, but it will make things worse. I don't know your history, but if you don't nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand, you will be in for a world of hurt.

Concentrate on feeling better without the booze. I am ex-navy, so I know all about the military culture and drinking. Its ingrained into you when you join, some people go along with it, some don't. But I promise that you can feel better without the booze. 6 months ago, I wouldn't have even been able to type this, cause I was probably already 6 or 7 in by 10am. If I had to work, I would wait till the weekend, but let loose. You know what those problems didn't go away, they stayed there, festered, and finally blew up in my face. I hope you aren't to that point, and never get to that point, but you need to think about why you are getting that drunk. A few beers ain't gonna kill ya, hell getting a good buzz once in a while is fine for some people(not me, 1 ain't enough, its gonna take a whole lot more), and if you do it occasionaly, great. But if it begins to control where you go, what you do and when you do it, you need to re-think the situation.

Just my two cents on that one

[unforgiven1977]

Thanks for the responses. I'm 29 and my wife is 27.

I'm not really sure why she feels the way she does. Before she met me she was really independent and a little on the "wild side". She was never in a serious relationship and never stayed with the same person for more than a short while. She always used to end it because it "got old and bored with it" she said. She smoked plenty of pot and pretty much all of her friends were the kind that only hung out with her because they too did it. She got pregnant at 16 and had to drop out of highschool. She's not a bad person by any means. But you get the idea.

We fell in love and got married and her and I both changed quite a bit. Willingly of course.

She just says that she's not sure settling down for the rest of her life is what she wants. She says she feels confined being in the marriage but that she has no idea what she wants or what will make her happy. She thinks that maybe no one person could ever make her happy and that maybe she just wasn't meant to be with one person.

She says that she needs some time apart to try to figure herself out and discover if our marriage is really what she wants.

She says that she really does love me and she has no idea why she feels the way she does.

So she needs to do some real soul-searching.

I can understand that. Really I can. As much as I love her I don't want her to just stick around even though she's not happy. That wouldn't make me happy just knowing that. I really want things to work for us and I value what we have together more than I've valued anything in my life. But I don't want her to pretend this is what she wants if it isn't. She doesn't know what she wants but I want her to be sure this is it before she decides to stay with me.

The problem is I don't know if I can do that to myself again. Or to the kids. I don't think I can deal with the emotional side of waiting around for her to make up her mind and then getting back together if that's what she should decide. I would just be wondering constantly when the hammer was going to drop again.

So she needs time apart to figure out her life and I want things to work between us, but I don't want to seperate because I'm not sure I'm willing to get back together afterwards.

This is the problem. I'm torn and don't know what to do.

 

DieselPWR you're right about the drinking I know. It just hit me last night so I felt the need to calm myself before I broke down. I used to be quite a drinker but I gave it up for the family. I'll do my best to keep it under control but it's going to be hard. You're right that drinking and the military go hand in hand though. It's hard not to use it as a substitute to feeling in the dumps and it will be a struggle for me.

[Skeered]

Your wife sounds like she may be the type that is just not marriage material either that or she's very selfish and not thinking of the ramifications of her actions on the kids and on the one she "vowed" to love honor and cherish...ya know.

 

Don't beat yourself down, I know the pain you are feeling is quite intense but understand that it doesn't sound as though it's because of anything you did...she just simply doesn't want to settle down yet. She may feel like she was deprived her youth because of having a child at such a young age. Even though you say she was still a "wild child" she was also a child mother.

 

Maybe some counseling is in order...let her vent what she's looking for in her life to a counselor and you seek one as well and that way whatever decision she makes you have allowed yourself to start the healing process. It sounds like there might still be some unresolved hurt from the previous events of your life that you need to deal with also.

[DieselPWR]

I know the feeling man, I wasn't coming down on you. I know where you are at this point, its a feeling that no one can ever describe and you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. But, you will get better. And about breaking down; DO IT!! I promise you, a good time alone and crying may seem a little wimpish to you, but you will feel better afterwards. At first, it will be often, and then as you concentrate on you, not what she is feeling, you will be a better man.

After reading your second post, I will try and touch on a little of it. I am no expert, but have recieved alot of help on this site. Lots of really great people here. Not doctors, counslers. etc. Real people that have been through it.

The main thing to understand, is at this point there is not much that you can do to help her find herself. You be supportive, loving, and caring, as long as she is willing to accept that. But if you push yourself on her as the dependent, whining spouse, it may further confuse her. Let her decide what she wants. At this point, she has expressed doubts as to whether she is willing to be with one person for the rest of her life. Maybe the thought of that scares the hell out of her. Nothing you can do to change that, only she can decide what she wants out of life. If she was willing to commit to you, and mother children with you, that SHOULD play in her decision, but not necessairly. The main thing that you can do, from my point of view is keep your sanity. Work on keeping yourself from going crazy. Spend time with the kids, spend time with her if that's what she wants. If she wants to be alone, let her be alone. The more you concentrate on things you can't control, the crazier you will make yourself. Trust me on that one. A month ago, I was on the verge of being committed, because I was obessing over my wife, who dissappeared on me. Now, I have concentrated on ME, and improving myself. I love who I am now; I have lost 42 lbs. I haven't been under 200 lbs in 8 yearsl I weighed myself today and was 198 and a half! I am on the weights 5 days a week and I am starting to see some results! You said you're a Marine; I ain't never met a Leatherneck that don't love the gym or some good ol PT! Do it, and get yourself busy. Work on hobbies, whatever keeps you busy, They say that idle hands are the devils playground. Same goes for your mind; the more you sit and worry about that which you cannot control, the more time you have to analyze everything that you see. A way that she wears her hair, may cause you to think one thing positive. If she says something, and you take it the wrong way, then negative. Get my drift.

I hope that sheds a little light on the matter, just my point of view. Others have a lot more insight into things. Gunny, where you at? A fellow Marine needs your assistance. Oooo-rahhh! (Just kiddin Gunny, us squids gotta poke fun a little; nature of the biz)

And for God's sake, don't use the bottle as an escape. You want to have a few to unwind; that's fine. You drink a case cause you're feeling sorry for yourself, that's not cool. That will take you to places that you ain't even seen. Above all, don't vent your frustrations upon her. Conversations are cool, but if anger starts getting involved, then you are heading for more issues. Use LS to vent, whine, p**s and moan all you want. I did that for a while, and I tell you it helped a buttload.

God Bless You,

Me

[Gunny376]

You see a lot of this in women (and men) who marry ~ have children young ~ and then later in life he or she start waning for the "good old days" or the "life they missed out on"

With you, I see it more of a case of her missing the "good old days" before the children, responsibilities, daily chores, etc ad nauseam

In short she wants to go to back to the life she had. She tells you that she loves you, but that she’s un-happy, and that she is considering moving out. etc.

 

She’s got FBS! "Flaky Broad Syndrome. Most women come down with a case of it from time to time ~ as do most men. Its where you’re just not thinking things all the way through logically, and rationally without considering consequences ~ and all decisions carry with them consequences ~ even the one not to make a decision.

 

This where you’re going to have to "man-up" put the big boy britches, and step up to the plate. This is where you’re going to have to step in a be the "man"

 

I realize that you’ve been through more than your fair share of the "Storms of Life" in a short time. And because of that your fears are driving you and controlling. Your fear or failure, and your fear of success. The "Storms of Life (SOL ~ a.k.a. "Sh*t Out of Luck" have put a real azz whopping on you. And, its made you go "Beta-Male" instead of being an "Alpha Male"

 

I mean come on?! You and her have already been down this merry little path once before? And the best predictor of present and future behavior is past behavior ~ right? She’s pull this stunt once before ~ and for the Love of God she’s pulling it again! Guess what there Sport? You let her pull this stunt again ~ and if you do get back together ~ she’s going to pull it again down the road I can guarantee you of that!

To add fuel to the "Beta Male" fire, she’s in control of your whole life! The life’s of her children. Who died and put her in charge of everyone’s happiness, contentment?

 

You hold a gun to my head ~ I’m going to tell you to go ahead and shoot me! I’m going out fighting.

 

If it was me? This is what I would tell her!

 

"You got two choices, and I’m going to give you a week to think about it!

The first choice is you and I get back to putting the real person in charge of this marriage and household. And, that not you, and that’s not I, its "us"

 

Next you and I are going into counseling and figure this mess out. Not going is not an option. Either you’re in this marriage or your not. If you are its time we get into counseling, and finding out how to make this work, fix it and keep it fix.

 

You’re other choice is to go ahead and move out. If you move out, its over.

 

This is one of those "lead, follow, or get out of the way" leadership deals.

 

At the very least you'll regain

You see a lot of this in women (and men) who marry ~ have children young ~ and then later in life he or she start waning for the "good old days" or the "life they missed out on"

With you, I see it more of a case of her missing the "good old days" before the children, responsibilities, daily chores, etc ad nauseam

In short she wants to go to back to the life she had. She tells you that she loves you, but that she’s un-happy, and that she is considering moving out. etc.

She’s got FBS! "Flaky Broad Syndrome. Most women come down with a case of it from time to time ~ as do most men. Its where you’re just not thinking things all the way through logically, and rationally without considering consequences ~ and all decisions carry with them consequences ~ even the one not to make a decision.

This where you’re going to have to "man-up" put the big boy britches, and step up to the plate. This is where you’re going to have to step in a be the "man"

I realize that you’ve been through more than your fair share of the "Storms of Life" in a short time. And because of that your fears are driving you and controlling. Your fear or failure, and your fear of success. The "Storms of Life (SOL ~ a.k.a. "Sh*t Out of Luck" have put a real azz whopping on you. And, its made you go "Beta-Male" instead of being an "Alpha Male"

I mean come on?! You and her have already been down this merry little path once before?

And the best predictor of present and future behavior is past behavior ~ right? She’s pull this stunt once before ~ and for the Love of God she’s pulling it again! Guess what there Sport? You let her pull this stunt again ~ and if you do get back together ~ she’s going to pull it again down the road I can guarantee you of that!

To add fuel to the "Beta Male" fire, she’s in control of your whole life! The life’s of her children. Who died and put her in charge of everyone’s happiness, contentment?

You hold a gun to my head ~ I’m going to tell you to go ahead and shoot me! I’m going out fighting.

If it was me? This is what I would tell her!

"You got two choices, and I’m going to give you a week to think about it!

The first choice is you and I get back to putting the real person in charge of this marriage and household. And, that not you, and that’s not I, its "us"

Next you and I are going into counseling and figure this mess out. Not going is not an option.

Either you’re in this marriage or your not. If you are its time we get into counseling, and finding out how to make this work, fix it and keep it fix.

 

You’re other choice is to go ahead and move out. If you move out, its over.

 

At the very least, you'll regain control over your and your children's life.

This BS.

 

And, its been my experience that women that say "I'm just not happy" and talk this "talk" ~ there's someone else ~ every damn time.

[Ladyjane14]

I'm with Gunny. Call her bluff.

 

There's only ONE reason why I never pulled the "Flakey Broad Syndrome" maneuver. It's because there wouldn't have been ANY tolerance for it. I'd have been out on my ear.

 

Alot of women have something of a mini-midlife crisis when they're in their mid-thirties; some earlier, some later. It's fairly normal for a woman to take stock of her life at that time. We girls where alot of different hats these days... wife, mom, sister, daughter, employee, friend... We reach an age at which we feel we're all grown up and should have ARRIVED by now. And sadly, sometimes we still haven't found our true selves.

 

So, yeah... it's understandable, but not necessarily something YOU want to cater to.

 

It's a roll of the dice no matter what you do.

You can do the "beta-male" thing and still have her dust your ass. Or you can growl like a big dog and tell her to 'jump if she feels froggy'. It's your call.

 

If you elect to go "alpha-male", and she decides to stay in the marriage.... follow it up quickly with 100% effort in partnership. You'll want to read through the marriagebuilders basic concepts section as Gunny has said, and also identify and implement fulfillment of ENs (emotional needs). The Five Love Languages by Chapman is a pretty quick read and can help you get started.

 

If you lead off "alpha" and then follow it up with "beta", you're telling her two things. ONE... 'I'm not going to tolerate you screwing with my mind every couple of three years', and TWO... 'I really am THE PERFECT GUY for you'.

[Guest]

O.K. First in the post you say you dont drink but then asking for advice you say you are getting drunk....which is it? As a person who also went through alot of this with my spouse, I can say this.....Its not all her. Take your blame along with it. You make yourself sound like you are the perfect person but if you are in fact so perfect then why would she be so unhappy? Honestly, I think you need top reavaluate yourself before asking her to stand before you and say you do no wrong. There has to be something! Perhaps, if you weren't feeling so superior and could look at everything with a bit of reality you would see that no one is perfect. Not even you. I do respect the fact that you are willing to try but in order to do that you have to take some blame. Needed to be said, sorry!

[Gunny376]

O.K. First in the post you say you dont drink but then asking for advice you say you are getting drunk....which is it? As a person who also went through alot of this with my spouse, I can say this.....Its not all her. Take your blame along with it. You make yourself sound like you are the perfect person but if you are in fact so perfect then why would she be so unhappy? Honestly, I think you need top reavaluate yourself before asking her to stand before you and say you do no wrong. There has to be something! Perhaps, if you weren't feeling so superior and could look at everything with a bit of reality you would see that no one is perfect. Not even you. I do respect the fact that you are willing to try but in order to do that you have to take some blame. Needed to be said, sorry!

 

Let me translate that for you Bro!

 

I speak a little "womanize"

 

When a man cheats on his wife? Its his fault!

 

When a woman cheats on her husband? Its still his fault!

[Guest]

Let me translate that for you Bro!

 

I speak a little "womanize"

 

When a man cheats on his wife? Its his fault!

 

When a woman cheats on her husband? Its still his fault!

 

Well, Bro. First, He never said she cheated. Perhaps she just really isnt happy? Ever think of things that way?

[Gunny376]

Well, Bro. First, He never said she cheated. Perhaps she just really isnt happy? Ever think of things that way?

 

that "Guest's" response to me, IMHO, came across as "womanize" ~ double talk ~ not that "she" cheated?

[Guest]

that "Guest's" response to me, IMHO, came across as "womanize" ~ double talk ~ not that "she" cheated?

 

All I am saying is that maybe, just maybe, his wife is unhappy for some reason or another and her saying thats all it is, is the truth. I mean why think there is a hidden meaning in it? Why let that be the crutch? It could very well be he and her life didn't make her happy, point blank. Don't make him feel there is a hidden meaning in it, how will he ever be able to accept it?

[unforgiven1977]

Sorry that it's been a while and I haven't responded. The main reason is that my wife and I share the same PC now and she "just happened upon" this little forum here and read what I posted. So I decided it would be best if I just left it alone for a bit and tried to work things out. Much like she pretended she was willing to do anyway.

Right now I don't care if she's reading this or not. After last night she pretty much proved to me that Gunny was right. Semper Fi Gunny!

I suspect that she...Ok I pretty much realize that she never intended for things to work out anyway. I don't think it would've mattered how hard I tried to change and conform to what she claimed she was looking for to make her happy.

She woke me up after we took a nap one day(I love naps) and said she wanted to go to the county fair with a friend of hers (his name is Joe) and get high (on pot) and wanted to know if I thought it was ok. I asked her if I had anything to worry about with this Joe fellow and she got all pissed off. I told her I was sorry and said to go and have a good time. She went.

Since then I've witnessed her talking online to this Joe guy via Yahoo messenger only she always happens to minimize the window when I come around. I see the window icon blinking in the taskbar letting her know he responded but she won't reply while I'm around. Then as I walk away I look over my shoulder and see her open up the window to type something real quick before either minimizing it again or exiting out of it.

Now forgive me if I seem a little oversuspicious but that just seems a little too odd to me.

Then tonight she asked me how I thought we were doing. I told her. I told her I thought we had something workable going ad that I was willing to do whatever it took to make this thing work. She acknowledged my efforts but said that she thought we were just too different to make things work.

At that point I pretty much realized what was going on and called her on it. She didn't really have much to say other than offering petty retorts that didn't amount to anything.

So we are done. I'm sure of that. She decided, and long before I even had a chance to do anything about it. I'm convinced now that she had already given up (moved on) from the moment she told me she was unhappy. I never stood a chance.

The worst thing is she's going to screw up the kid's lives in the process but she doesn't seem to care about that.

So now I sit here and wait for her to make her next move. At this point I don't even care about her. My concern is for the kids. She's obviously not thinking of them and I am.

I'm not sure exactly what to do until she makes a move first.

God this sucks! Any advice?!

[Gunny376]

She's "buffing" Joe!

 

Time for Mr. Reality to step in. Time for you to exit "Stage Left"

 

At this time, all you are is a "meal ticket" while Joe is eating your ice cream and pie. There isn't any "fixing this" or "putting this back together" She's using you, and she's using you bad!"

 

Even rats know when to get off a sinking ship, and the only difference between you and the Titantic is the Titantic had a band playing as she went down.

 

Its a bad situtation for the children ~ it always is. If you want, you can do some "serious manning up ~ and leave as though you were they're actual father ~ and even petition the court for visitation, partial custody ~ especially if your willing to continue to contriubute to their financial support. I promise you they would be very impressed by such a jesture.