Guest Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 I've been having what I recently learned is an emotional affair with a married man. I have been stupidly flattered by his attention and giving him lots of sympathy in response to his woe-is-me Psycho Bitch Wife stories. Part of the reason I've felt so flattered by his attention is because I feel like he is the nicest, best-looking guy who has ever given me the time of day. I'm sure he senses my self-esteem issues and figures I'm an easy target. I have these lucid moments (like now) where I'm not completely bowled over by his sweet, sensitive attention, his gorgeous blue eyes and his nice ass. I weaken, eventually, and work with him to seek "alone time." This "alone time" is getting more and more intense and the physical contact seems to be escalating, though nothing concrete has happened yet. This is the first time in my life I've felt desirable and sexy. He tells me how wonderful I am, how fascinating I am, how I make him happy. I have to admit it's an ego boost when I see him become visibly aroused as a result of even the slightest innocent touch or when conversation is even barely remotely sexual. I never thought I could make a man feel this way, and I never thought I could desire another person again. I used to tell myself that he was healing me in many ways, but I'm beginning to wise up. If I were his wife I would go ballistic if I found out my husband was cooing sweet words to another woman and sporting chubbies in her presense. I certainly would never want to be married to such a man. What is wrong with me? I know his wife doesn't deserve this and I realize the woe-is-me stories are ridiculously one-sided. I am not a stupid woman. I am an emotionally and sexually vunlerable woman who apparently has been just waiting around to become the victim of a mind-**** by some ****ing scoundrel. I don't know why I felt the need to type this all out here. There is no other solution other than me letting it go, which I'm not so sure I'm strong enough to do. I always feel strong until he gazes into my eyes. I guess I just wanted to share with people who might understand.
Meaplus3 Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 I've been having what I recently learned is an emotional affair with a married man. I have been stupidly flattered by his attention and giving him lots of sympathy in response to his woe-is-me Psycho Bitch Wife stories. Part of the reason I've felt so flattered by his attention is because I feel like he is the nicest, best-looking guy who has ever given me the time of day. I'm sure he senses my self-esteem issues and figures I'm an easy target. I have these lucid moments (like now) where I'm not completely bowled over by his sweet, sensitive attention, his gorgeous blue eyes and his nice ass. I weaken, eventually, and work with him to seek "alone time." This "alone time" is getting more and more intense and the physical contact seems to be escalating, though nothing concrete has happened yet. This is the first time in my life I've felt desirable and sexy. He tells me how wonderful I am, how fascinating I am, how I make him happy. I have to admit it's an ego boost when I see him become visibly aroused as a result of even the slightest innocent touch or when conversation is even barely remotely sexual. I never thought I could make a man feel this way, and I never thought I could desire another person again. I used to tell myself that he was healing me in many ways, but I'm beginning to wise up. If I were his wife I would go ballistic if I found out my husband was cooing sweet words to another woman and sporting chubbies in her presense. I certainly would never want to be married to such a man. What is wrong with me? I know his wife doesn't deserve this and I realize the woe-is-me stories are ridiculously one-sided. I am not a stupid woman. I am an emotionally and sexually vunlerable woman who apparently has been just waiting around to become the victim of a mind-**** by some ****ing scoundrel. I don't know why I felt the need to type this all out here. There is no other solution other than me letting it go, which I'm not so sure I'm strong enough to do. I always feel strong until he gazes into my eyes. I guess I just wanted to share with people who might understand. Hi, It was not long ago that I was in a very simular situation as you. My advice to you is to FROGET it with him. The eye gazing, arousal feelings of complete desire and the major ego boost are just not worth it, trust me I have been there. I like you started out in and E/A only to have my heart broken. I had the same wonderful feelings of desire, saw him and felt him so aroused it was great for only a short time, then the reality of the situation set in. He's a married Man and I am a married woman. Not worth ruining two marriages just to feel good for a few moments. I even got so wrapped up in this that I told him I loved him, and then not to hear it back, complete heartbreak! Avoid him dear and you will be much better off! Just my two cents! Good Luck!
BenThereDunThat Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 Just coming out of the tail end of a MM doing the same thing to me. RUN now. It just gets worse! They're very crafty and very good at picking up on our weaknesses and exploiting them. And it's extremely difficult to recognize it when we're vulnerable. It's good that you can see it. Heed your inner voice! I didn't, and I went through an emotional hell because of it. Good luck and keep posting whenever you need to. That's what we're here for!
Outcast Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 I always feel strong until he gazes into my eyes. Quit gazing into his eyes. You're an alcoholic saying to herself 'I can just have one sip'. Infatuation/attraction is a powerful addiction. You have to treat it that way and go cold turkey sober. Tell him that you cannot continue like this and then cease to see him. As long as you keep taking sips, you'll be in danger of ending up in a ditch puking.
Chinook Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 At least you knew beforehand what you were getting into. Imagine doing all that and then finding out he's married! You start off with all the appearances of a blossoming relationship and it gets completely dashed. Not just because he's married, but because he lied. I agree with the others, you need to avoid this guy.
BenThereDunThat Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 As long as you keep taking sips, you'll be in danger of ending up in a ditch puking. That cracked me up! GREAT way to put it!!
crazy_grl Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 I agree with everybody else. Tell him that you're not comfortable with your interactions anymore and then stop talking to him.
incognito Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 At least you knew beforehand what you were getting into. Imagine doing all that and then finding out he's married! You start off with all the appearances of a blossoming relationship and it gets completely dashed. Not just because he's married, but because he lied. I agree with the others, you need to avoid this guy. been there, done that:(
BUTAFLY Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 yah know what guest...Its so kind of you to think of the wife. Her husband coming on to you, dropping sexual innuendos in conversations, getting a chubby as he indulges you w/ his sweet talk bullshyt, spilling his 'my wifes a bitch' stories. I don't think you need to appologize to the wife- I think he does. I hope BS read this & get a glimps of what really goes on. Yes when there H get caught they tell horror stories how the ow was after them or they were so confused-RIGHT! and the wife goes right alone with it thinking the ow is a minx who is out to get her man. But 9 out of 10 times this is how it all goes down.
YoMomma Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 been there, done that:( Me too! Do yourself a favor - turn around and do not ever look back! Listen to that little voice inside your head - because it's screaming the truth - in the end all you will get is hurt.
Guest Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Thanks so much for the support, guys. I never ever thought I would find myself in this situation and continually beat myself up for it. Today I treated him like Medusa (don't look directly into the eyes) and found that my resolve hasn't wavered. I could sense a few longing stares in my peripheral vision, but I never returned them. I've also quit being a co-conspirator for Alone Time. It's liberating. I'm hoping that whatever switch went off in my brain remains off. I know I didn't have that "tingle" for him that used to always be present. I'm not going to question why my feelings changed so suddenly. I think it might have been triggered a few days ago when I was compulsively checking my rear-view mirror to see if he was following me home. I realized what insanity this situation was and how miserable it was making me. I realized that he IS NOT available, and that I would be destroyed if I had to be in a relationship that generates such shame that it's necessary to keep it hidden. I don't want to be with a man who is ashamed of being with me. It would kill me.
Guest Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Good for you! Also you don't want to give in to your desire for him and after it's over have him ignore you. That's what usually happens after a while and that hurts even more.
crazy_grl Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Glad you're doing well so far. If you haven't yet, I suggest you read some of the threads by OW here. It'll give you a good idea about how hurtful affairs are (to all involved) and how deceitful MM are. And if you start to waver, read some more so that their painful stories will serve as a reminder of what you'd be in for.
Guest811 Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 I've been having what I recently learned is an emotional affair with a married man. Did you recently learn this or has the relaionship just started?
Walking away Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 been there, done that:( Ditto. Been there, done that too.
Green Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 you probably would turn to stone if you looked at him directly in the face now!
Recommended Posts