kdam86 Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 Hi, A few years ago, I got out of what I would call my first -serious- relationship. It was on and off for some 3-4 years. During this relationship, I started noticing my insecurities and was always spotting the negatives in a relationship before the positives. This was mainly due to the fact that my partner was very good at playing head games. She was my first love, and some of her antics really hit me close to home, but I was to blind to end the relationship sooner. Needless to say, my heart was broken. I let her play games with me forever because I was in love, and thought it would just get better, but it didn't. Well, I've had this friend I've spoken to for years. We we're extremely close, but had never met. Probably because at the time, I was with my ex(see above). There were a few times where we lost touch, but in general we were very close. We never met, but we both trusted each other with almost anything. Each of us had feelings for each other, we recognized it and knew it. We always made jokes about meeting each other and getting hitched. There was something special about me to her, and something special about her to me. Well, finally after a couple years, we decided to meet. Was a spur of the moment type of thing. It went perfectly. We just talked, and there were several moments where we were just staring at each other, nothing happened, as I refuse to push things of that nature. I let them come, the way they should. So, we decided to spend some time with each other the following night. Rented a movie and watched it at her apt. Things went great. We made jokes about each other, in a flirty way, and ended up laying down with each other and kissing quite a few times, cuddling, things of that nature. Overall, the night was great, and my feelings sparked to a new high because of it. My problem: We like each other. She wants to take it slow, and I told her from the beginning I respect her decision. I on the otherhand, am falling incredibly fast for her. After my ex, I never thought I could open my heart the same way again because I feared of the same thing happening all over again, but now I'm in the position to give it to her. And we've only seen each other 4 times!! If I hadn't talked to her for several years and built up some type of feelings, I know it wouldn't of happened this fast. Already I'm being insecure and having anxiety problems whenever I'm not with her, and I know that's extremely unhealthy. I don't want to push her away, but I do want to tell her exactly how I feel. I was in tears today over nothing. She likes me, I like her. Everything is good! But yet I'm scared because I think I'm just going to get hurt again. I know she's nothing like my ex. She was always there for me when I had problems in that area. I just don't know what to do to get over these little problems. What should I do? How can I fix this problem? I can't spend valuable time being upset over nothing.
P1xie Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 Do as she ask and take it slow. You've only seen her four times in person. When you start feeling insecure try taking a deep breath and think of something else.
RedneckRomeo Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 I'm kind of in the same situation. I met this one girl - A. - back a few months ago, but we never were that close. She knows my sister, and one day we just kinda spent the day together as a group, and it was a good time. The middle of the week I saw her again, and asked her about doing something on the weekend (never intended it to be a date - but basically thats what it turned into). She had wanted to go to this one place, and I was already planning to go down, so I offered her a ride. We talked the whole way down, which not only made the drive a lot shorter but made me realize we got along very well and that I was starting to like her. We had a blast down there, and talked the whole way back home. From there on - things just clicked between us. She has been hurt a lot in the recent past, and she too wants to take it slow - avoiding anything really serious at the moment. I know she likes me (just from how much she wants to talk to me, how she reacts to me, and how she was acting on our second "date"), and I definitely like her back. I feel like if I let myself go - I'd be falling head over heels for her in no time. But I just keep telling myself that I have to pace the relationship, not to bring myself upon her too strongly until she's ready for more. I don't want to scare her away by letting myself get too into her, and just keep telling myself that though it may work out between us, there is this chance that she will decide that we aren't good together and it wont work out. I hope and pray to God that it works out - because she is such an awesome person who really needs to find someone that won't hurt her - and I know I can treat her how she deserves to be treated if she will only let me. Lately she has been opening herself up more and more to me - so we are on the right track. The main idea is to pace yourself, and not let yourself get too attached before its time. Don't give her all your time but keep some for yourself (I usually see this girl all weekend, and then maybe one or two days out of the week - I want to see her all the time, but I don't want to smother her at the same time). And on top of that - instead of TELLING her how you feel, how about just trying to SHOW her how your feel. Be there for her, talk to her and open yourself up (a little at a time) to her, and allow her to do the same. It may not work out - but then again, you may get closer to her, and instead of wanting to slow things down, it may get quicker and move all of a sudden to where you think you should be now. Hope this helps - I'm learning myself as I go too - but it's been working so far, and I plan to keep at it.
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