Beautifulgirl Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 Question to those who have forgiven your cheated spouse. How do you do it? What step did you take to get over it, you know, not constantly think about it when you see his or her face? I have a hard time to forget and I know how sorry he is for what he had done and it was done it subconsciously--acohol was the major problem. Now, he is working on to make it up to me and change for me, to be a new man. But I have this sick feeling of him and that other woman. I told him come back to me for the next 4 months because I'm moving home to my mom. I asked him to have all blood test done before we be together again. Do you think I am do the right thing leaving him to work on himself? I'm not sure if I do the right thing, but inside I surely think yes!
norajane Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 If you need time away from him, then yes, you're doing the right thing. I would continue to communicate with him, however. You might also consider going to a marriage counselor to help you deal with your feelings, even if you go by yourself. I don't know how to help you with forgiving, except I do know that forgiving is not about him. Forgiveness is about freeing yourself from the bad feelings, and it benefits you most. Forgetting is much harder...maybe some of the folks here who have been through affairs and come out the other side can help.
only1life Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 It is not easy, and I still have trouble accepting it myself (it was 2 years ago) so when I get down about it, I remind myself of why I stayed with her - because we had a lot of great times together before, and I know that we can continue those great times together. Sure, she made a mistake, but now she's sorry, and now she recognizes that our relationship is worth working on, and she wants to enjoy the good times with me, as I do with her. Sometimes bad things happen in life, but we can't let them ruin what can be a nice future. I know I'll never forget it. But I can forgive. And look towards the future with positive hope. It's certainly worth a try. Good Luck.
silktricks Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 I don't know if I'll ever forget. For me it's also been a little over 2 years. I chose to forgive. That doesn't mean that I didn't obsess over it for most of those two years. For months I got little to no sleep and thought and talked and wrote and prayed and meditated and exercised and (well you get the idea). What I didn't do was drink or medicate. We went to marriage counseling for about a year and a half, and worked very hard on both of our issues. What I found to help the most was my husband, and talking with him about it. At times I still have the need to do so, but that's almost never anymore. Frankly, I let myself go with whatever I needed to do. I was completely and unreservedly selfish, and dealt with MY feelings and my need for healing almost entirely. I figured that if that was what I needed to do to get past the problem, then ultimately I was doing it for us, not just me.
GuySimple Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 Some advice if you wish it. Go see a good therapist that will let you get all your emotions out and explore how what he did impacted you. Don't gloss over things by accepting him back before you are ready. If you feel pressure from family and friends to take him back, and they don't know, tell them so they will not make you feel guilty about "leaving him". Read lots of books on self esteem and self worth. Don't feel rushed to "fix" the relationship. Take whatever time you need no matter what other are saying. The bottom line is you may never get over the hurt and you may never get over the lack of trust.
Beautifulgirl Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 I'm trying not to think much about it but I can't decide if I should go or should stay. At one hand, he seems so nice to me now, but another like last night he drank again. I asked him why he did that when I precisely asked if he wants this marriage to go on, he needs quit drinking. He used this excuse that because he needed to sleep so tomorrow which is today, we can do things together. He can't sleep during night time, I know. I don't know if it's better quit trying with him...I'm confuse right now
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