paperazzi Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 I hate it, I just hate it! We have two children together (he left when our youngest was 3 months old for another MW), and because he has access, I have to see him. NC would be much easier but it can't be done. I'm mostly over the cheated on part (because I realize that such a scumbag I DON'T need in my life!) but what's making it hard to see him is all the lying and conniving he's doing to get out of paying spousal support when he's living with this other woman (he refuses to admit it but it's factual), splitting rent with her and a roommate and left me with our entire mortgage and huge line of credit debt (which was used to fix HIS vehicle just two weeks before he left!!!!!) - and I'm on maternity leave!!!!! I feel so angry whenever I see him that I do stupid things like give him the finger or throw the kids' backpack at his feet instead of politely handing it over to him. I know this is the wrong thing to do because the kids are there and I've been trying to avoid face-to-face contact as much as possible. When he comes to the house to pick up the kids, I don't show myself at all - I just have the kids ready at the door for him to pick up. Well, he hated that and insisted that I show part of myself because he didn't think there was an adult home. His arguments got really silly and it was obvious he wants us to have contact. He wanted to meet at the mall every time but I said no because I can't handle the face-to-face contact and I have three kids plus sometimes one handicapped foster child to haul in and out of the vehicle. He's going to try to make it a court order that we meet at the mall. Then there's the fact that I simply can't afford to drive to the mall into town every time he has contact (four times a week) because I'm paying for all of our joint debts - yet he's insisting that I'm not being fair about the driving. I think he's enjoying how difficult this is for me because it means he's still important. It's interesting that when I was full-blown rage when I found out about his affair, he was smug, cold and indifferent. He didn't respond to my e-mails (even when I was being decent) and when he did, it was impersonal. It was when I stopped making contact by e-mail or phone and stopped showing myself at the door that he seemed to have a rage attack of his own. He began to play really dirty with the finances, too, which has jacked my rage level right up there again. I need some guidance here about how I can best deal with this. Is avoiding contact as much as possible the best action? Even if it means he's going to up the ante? How do I cool down? This situation is NOT helping me to heal and my kids need me to be healthy again! Any advice from people who have been through this?
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