inarut Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 I am a MW involved with a MM that I have known for almost my entire life. Let's just say he's a friend of the family. We are both basically in the same situations (unhappily married with kids). About 5 months ago, after talking one night at a bar about how unhappy we are, he asked me to go to a hotel. I declined eventhough I really wanted to. I saw him a few times after that and after flirting big time we decided we needed to meet out one night. We did meet and it was a little strange because I have known him so long but nice to be with him. From the beginning he made it very clear that he would never leave his wife because of his kids which wasn't a problem because I am in the same boat. The problem I do have is that I am the one always calling him and asking to get together. I am at the point that when we are together I can't figure out why I am there but when we are not together I can't stop thinking about him. Does he have real feelings for me and is just afraid to express them because of the situation we are in? He has stated that if we where both single he would definitely want to pursue a relationship with me. Is he just saying these things to get what he wants? I know I need to get out of this relationship (if you can call it that) but I don't know how. I keep telling myself just don't call but I end up calling anyway. I told him that the situation was getting too stressful and to get through he said he just looks forward to being with me. I just don't understand why he doesn't call. HELP!
norajane Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 The problem I do have is that I am the one always calling him and asking to get together. I am at the point that when we are together I can't figure out why I am there but when we are not together I can't stop thinking about him. Does he have real feelings for me and is just afraid to express them because of the situation we are in? Well, unless he's an inanimate object, he has feelings. However, those feelings may be lust, rather than the love and in-love you're looking for. I doubt that he's afraid to express his 'real' feelings for you; he expressed them already: From the beginning he made it very clear that he would never leave his wife He doesn't call because then he can tell himself that YOU are the one pursuing HIM, so he can have less guilt for cheating on his wife, and for having an affair with his friend's (you husband) wife. He's probably also covering his ass so his wife doesn't suspect if she sees a whole bunch of calls he's making to you.
whichwayisup Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 He wants to have you on the side, and have his wife too. That's called having your cake and eating it too. You are going to get hurt, he isn't ever going to leave his wife... Read some threads in this section to help you see the kind of pain you're about to experience. End it now before your heart gets broken...Only a matter of time before you two get caught. Then, your husband, his wife and all the innocent kids invovled will be hurt as well. Focus on your marriage, fix what needs to be fixed by going to marriage counselling.
Meaplus3 Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 Well, unless he's an inanimate object, he has feelings. However, those feelings may be lust, rather than the love and in-love you're looking for. I doubt that he's afraid to express his 'real' feelings for you; he expressed them already: He doesn't call because then he can tell himself that YOU are the one pursuing HIM, so he can have less guilt for cheating on his wife, and for having an affair with his friend's (you husband) wife. He's probably also covering his ass so his wife doesn't suspect if she sees a whole bunch of calls he's making to you. I must agree with norajane here! He most likely does not call you out of feelings of guilt. By not calling it makes it seem like he is doing nothing wrong! I was the one pursuing the MM I was involved with. This man is so brianless (know idea why I fell in love with him) that he think's just because we have not had actual sex, that he has not cheated on his wife! WAKE up Mr is what I now say! If it's something you would not want your spuse to know about then in my mind, it's cheating! Good luck!
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