miket389 Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 this seems to be such a trend for me, i recently was involved with a girl who got out of a long term relationship. No matter how much i tried to take things slow, the chemistry was too great, we ended up dating after the first week, and now the second week in she thinks, and i also knew that things went way too fast, i knew something was wrong with her but she wouldn't tell me what it was, well i knew anyways, shes not over her ex at all and was thinking about him every day, she told me its not fair to me if shes thinking about him, yet they started hanging out again, her explanation is theyre never going to be back together again they just wanna work on being friends which is the same thing she wants to do with me now, she said she doesn't know me at all and wants to get to know me first before we date again. This whole thing just sounds wierd to me, how do you draw the line at just friends after that? we had sex we spent a lot of time together, she even said she loves me, Im ready for a relationship i have been for a long time and when she talked of commitment and love it just drew me in and my taking it slow technique just flew out the door, Im really hurt now this seems to happen too much to me, i don't know what to do, i want to be with this girl, but i don't know how long to wait or how long is too long to just be friends or if it can even happen at all now. Her spending time with her ex who shes still in love with to just be friends doesnt sound right to me either, im more confused and hurt than i ever have been now i just need some guidance and a little advice so if anybody can help me i would really appreciate this i just don't understand it please help me to at least undrestand things a little better, again any comments would be appreciated thanks
moman Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 This will only end one way - badly. Get out of that relationship. Tell her politely that you are busy, do not return her calls, do not talk to her at all. The best thing is for you to move on, the worse that can happen is she will discover that the ex is an ex for a reason and that you're an alright guy and then you can reevaluate the situation. Good luck, it sucks to get hurt.
britchick Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 I agree with Moman, get out and don't look back. Sounds like she needed some comfort after splitting up with her bf. I'm sure she meant everything she said at the time, but hormones, chemicals and break ups can make us feel like we're madly in love with someone new - it's classic rebound stuff. So sorry, hope you're over her soon and that you meet someone great.
witabix Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 Yes, step back. A long way back. She drew you in and you fell. It is time to get back up and move on. She still clearly has an attachment to her ex. Let her deal with it on her own. Do not be drawn into a contest, even if you win it will always be under your skin, believe me. Been there done that, not nice.
drownindreams Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 As hurtful as it sounds, this girl is an emotional trainwreck and wanted something to normalize the feelings after breaking-up. She may genuinely like you, but she's way too confused to even approach an even-handed relationship. I would just stay away until she gets over him and/or grows up. She used you--even if you didn't mind--and she could very well do it again in the future. Most likely you should just find someone who can respect herself and you enough to wait until the pain of break-up subsides.
TheSilentType Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 Don't be her temporary rebound. Really, you need to walk away and find someone that wants to be with only you and is sure of that. She's just turning to you for temporary comfort and company. People like that, who only think of themselves and don't understand what they are putting the new person through, are not good people. Don't get stuck in the quicksand any further.
darnee Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 That sounds crazy to me to say you love each other after only 2 wks?? You simply can't truly love someone that fast, no matter what. It's infatuation/rebound or whatever else is going on. She's not in the the same place as you so I'd say back away to protect yourself. But I guess I'm not with the other comments that seem to say she's such a bad person. She really needs to get over her ex, and she's not, and that might take several months. I might give her a cautious chance after a good amount of time not being in contact with her and not waiting for her with expectation either because their is not much indication she will be good for you.
witabix Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 That sounds crazy to me to say you love each other after only 2 wks?? You simply can't truly love someone that fast, no matter what. It's infatuation/rebound or whatever else is going on. She's not in the the same place as you so I'd say back away to protect yourself. But I guess I'm not with the other comments that seem to say she's such a bad person. She really needs to get over her ex, and she's not, and that might take several months. I might give her a cautious chance after a good amount of time not being in contact with her and not waiting for her with expectation either because their is not much indication she will be good for you. I would say that love has no time boundaries................ Do not be so blind to this possibilitiy. I am the most hard headed cynic you will ever have the misfortune to meet, but I am aware through my own experience that such things DO happen. A hopeless romantic perhaps.
Author miket389 Posted August 14, 2006 Author Posted August 14, 2006 I have been taking this advice from you guys without reading your posts, i just got a chance to log on today, i was second guessing my actions and asking for help from friends, but to hear it from you guys really helps me out a lot because its not people i actually know trying to keep me from being hurt, ik you guys are giving me good advice here, its hard though, she has called and asked why i dont' call her, all ive told her is that i want her to have fun and have her space, ive only talked to her once really. however when she does call it seems its always to let me know shes hanging out with her ex yet again and drinking or whatnot, This all feels like one big headgame to me, i swear shes 19 going on 12 ever since she started hanging out with her friend from highschool its like thats what she has turned into is a highschool girl all over again. It still really hurts me, its hard to move on when strong feelings are still there and it doesn't help that this is a small town so when she is partying its usually right up the street from me, anyways i just wanted to say thank you for all of your input on my situation, im really looking forward to meeting someone that this situation doesn't happen again, ive been ready for a relationship for a long time now its just getting discouraging after things like this happen over and over ... i hope this pain goes away soon
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