Wes Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 OK, long story short: My gf and I have been in a serious LDR for about 1 1/2 years now. We only live about 60 miles apart, so we see each other often; however, for the summer, she is living, working, and going to school in my town. Things had been going great up until about 1 1/2 weeks ago, which is when she told me she felt like we should take a break. She's young, confused, unsure of what she wants, who she wants, and where she needs to be in her life, etc. I asked her if she was breaking up with me and she said no. She said she wouldn't want to break up with me unless her head was on straight and she was completely sure that's what she wanted to do, which she wasn't, hence the need for a break...so SHE could get herself together. So we agreed to take a break from each other for a couple of weeks. At that point, I made up my mind to not contact her for the whole two weeks. Well, just four days after the break started, she texts me asking how I'm doing. We both say we're doing fine and talk via text messages for the next hour or so, and go to bed. Then a couple of days later, she texts me again telling me a family member of her's had died. I figured since she came to me first with the issue, I should put our relationship aside, and I decided to call her to console her...I felt it was the right, unselfish thing to do. After a lot of thinking, and against the advice of friends, I decided that maybe no contact wasn't the best idea. My friends' advice made sense, but I have a simple theory with no contact: While I'm sitting around thinking she's missing me and wondering what I'm doing, the awkwardness between us increases, as she's really just getting over me. And she knows I'm playing games, which just puts the fire out even quicker. Therefore, I decided that since she had contacted me twice during the week, I would invite her to lunch with me today. She accepted, and I had made up my mind before we even went that I wasn't going to bring up anything about the relationship. All I was trying to do was lessen the awkwardness of our situation and talk about normal things like we always have. I feel like lunch went well. During our conversation, she brought up the fact that she has been extremely stressed out because of her work and summer school, which will both be over with in two weeks. She's so stressed, in fact, that she's on the verge of crying all the time. Also, we talked about religion and faith, which is something she has felt has been missing in both of our lives, as well as our relationship. We are both Christians, but we don't go to church like we feel like we should. Anyway, during the conversation, she told me that over the past couple of weeks, she "has come much closer to being where she wants to be in a relationship." Now I'm wondering if she meant with God, with me, or both. If I could go back, I would have asked her, but I wanted to stay away from the subject at the time. When we parted, she thanked me for lunch and hugged me, and we left. Now...this weekend, she's going back home for a few days. I figure she'll talk to her friends and family about the situation we're in and ask for their advice/guidance. In my heart, I truly believe she is taking a break from the relationship...not just trying to let me down easy by calling it a "break". However, I have been wrong about things in the past. I'm thinking about giving her her space again from now until she gets back, and then asking her what her feelings are about our situation and relationship when she comes back. Do you guys think this is a good idea? I've never done this with any other girl, but she is special enough to me that it's worth putting the effort into it. I can't say that I'm really looking for much advice, I just felt like getting it all off my chest. Thanks to anyone who reads.
whichwayisup Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 All you can do is trust her that she's being honest with you now and she really does need the time to sort things out. Give her space, but don't disappear from her life. Don't get into the habit of talking online, try to talk on the phone instead. Let her know you love her and respect her need for that time to herself, but also let her know that if she is stalling and planning to break up with you at the end of the summer that she might as well do it now and not later. You did the right thing by keeping intouch with her and seeing her after the death in the family. Even if NC was broken, it shows the type of person you are, putting the relationship aside and showing her that you are there for her as a friend, someone reliable. I hope she sees this in you, because you're a good guy.
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