PETERG Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 We relocated recently, bought a new house and I started a new job. Yes all very stressfull things but we both agreed to do it, my wife went back to our last house three weeks ago and has told me she wants to sperate, I ask her why she says she needs time to be alone and find her self.... I ask her what she wants from a seperation and she says I don't know. She has a history of severe depression which has been trying at times but we've always managed to get through it. I know I become frustrated at times because there no "fix" to depression but I understand that. She has become very cold to me, when ever I touch on any issue that are at the core of any of the problems she immediatly avoids the conversation. I am at this point besides myself, I love her dearly and want us to work through these problems, should I write? Send flowers just anything to open up communications. I suggested Family counseling but I feel that fell on deaf ears. As every day goes on I feel more and more sad for the loss of something that is so important to me and would do anything to reconcile. I know at this point the ball is in her court, but this limbo is so confusing... Anyone...can you help me out please?
Tony T Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 It takes a LOT more than love to make a good relationship. If your wife won't see a psychiatrist for diagnosis and medication to get her brain chemistry leveled off so she can relate to you decently most of the time, your marriage is pretty well finished. It's simply not being fair to yourself to remain with a woman who gets depressed often and discontinues communication with you and becomes cold...especially if you love her as much as you do. If she won't get medical help and get it very soon, I promise you there are many other women you can love very deeply who will welcome you into their lives heart and soul!!! And you were VERY wrong about one thing...the ball is in YOUR court...NOT hers!!! She is very ill.
Author PETERG Posted August 7, 2006 Author Posted August 7, 2006 She has been seeing a doctor, it gets more complicated, she threatened to do harm to herself...I took her to the hospital and she was admitted, I was panicked she was going to hurt herself. She is out now but is saying that i dumped her in there and she didn't need to be there....putting her there was the hardest thing I had ever dealt with and I was following the doctors instructions. There have been trust issues over the years when i've found txt messages between her and others that hurt but when I asked about them she said nothing had ever happend. What can I do other than to believe her. I just don't want this storm we're having to end as a tragedy. I feel gutted but want to open up channels with her, I worry about her every day, thats she's safe. I saw her two weeks ago for the weekend, and it went pretty well we talked spent time together and began to have a sense of communication, two days later she saw a therapist for the first time, since then she's been cold to me. Should I send flowers? I wrote her a letter last week, but she said she only read part of it. I'm really lost as to what to do next
Diver012 Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 She has been seeing a doctor, it gets more complicated, she threatened to do harm to herself...I took her to the hospital and she was admitted, I was panicked she was going to hurt herself. She is out now but is saying that i dumped her in there and she didn't need to be there....putting her there was the hardest thing I had ever dealt with and I was following the doctors instructions. There have been trust issues over the years when i've found txt messages between her and others that hurt but when I asked about them she said nothing had ever happend. What can I do other than to believe her. I just don't want this storm we're having to end as a tragedy. I feel gutted but want to open up channels with her, I worry about her every day, thats she's safe. I saw her two weeks ago for the weekend, and it went pretty well we talked spent time together and began to have a sense of communication, two days later she saw a therapist for the first time, since then she's been cold to me. Should I send flowers? I wrote her a letter last week, but she said she only read part of it. I'm really lost as to what to do next You didint dump her. I have had to deal with similar issues in my own family. My mother suffered from serious depression. She was in rehab multiple times and we had to leave her in the care of others in a number of cases. You did what you needed to do for your Wifes well being, as well as your own. Hopefully, this therapist she is seeing will be wise enough to include you both in her recovery. One thing I know for certain, is that there are 2 sides 2 every story. I hope he listens to yours as well.
Author PETERG Posted August 8, 2006 Author Posted August 8, 2006 hmmm...well i probably made a mistake today, and called her mother to at least get some guidance, she agreed that we needed to goto counselling. I've setup appointments for the weekend. She called me today furious I had spoken to her mom, I said that I would be coming by to say hello, she said she didn't want to see me or goto counselling, I said I would go whether or not she did and that I really wanted to overcome these problems and mend our bridges. It seems she has closed me off, and when she speaks to me she is so angry. I tell her I love her and apologize for things I've said, neither of us have been angels when we fought, and have both said things we regret. So my plan is to let her know im coming by to talk, and going to counselling and to ask her if she'd want to come with me? Probably a bad idea i know! But I have to somehow let her kow how important she is and that I really want to make an effort.... This limbo we're in is killing me, she wants me to sell our second house...but if she's so sure she wants to end it why would I make any major decision like that at this time? She says she wants her name off the deeds, well my feeling is if you want to end it that will happen by default with a judge...she goes quiet at that point. I just want us to sit down and talk about what both of us want and how we can get it from our life, but i keep hitting walls with her anger. I miss her alot.... what to do? well there's my vent for the day
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