Guest Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 I have a long and complicated history with my man. I love him deeply and was his mistress for five years when he was married. I eventually gave him an ultimatum but he would not leave his children. So although it broke my heart I called it a day. Three years later... I split with my bf because we were just drifting. The relationship never stood a chance because I still loved this man, and now realise I always will. I called him and discovered he was divorced!!! He did not contact me when his marriage ended but instead pursued a relationship with his gf whom he had just met. He says he thought I would have moved on, and it wouldnt have been fair to contact me. He is not married to this woman and they have no children together.. although we have been sleeping together for the last three months he still seems reluctant to leave her. I cant believe I have become the OW for the second time!!! Apparently, she has bonded with his children from his marriage and he is reluctant to hurt her, even though he says they have had problems because she wants to get married and have kids and he doesnt. He says he never forgot me, always loved me etc, so why am I his OW again!!! How long do I wait?? The latest development is that she knows we have been in touch, and thinks we were just talking as friends. She is not happy and he has asked me to "cool" it for a few weeks. What shall I do? I dont want to give up if there is a chance we will finally be together.
owcanbhppy Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 i dont see you as a mistress in this setting - he isnt married this time. its not as complicated as before unless he makes it that way. i can understand youre wanting to explore a new chance w/ him. if its right, i hope you get one. but some one hes been datings relationship w/ his children isnt the same as the mothers relationship w/ children. if it were me, i wouldnt hold out for him because he says his dating relationship is too complicated to leave.
norajane Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 It's the same rule as when he was married - if he wanted to be with you, he would be. This time, he really has no reason (excuse) not to be with you immediately. If he's putting you off because of his gf, he doesn't really want to be with you. If he's asking you to 'cool it' because she's not happy, he's putting her happiness above yours. It's time for you to move on and find someone who can be enthusiastic about being with you.
SoleMate Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 I say the same as norajane. I dont want to give up if there is a chance we will finally be together. I'm afraid there is really 0% chance of you ever having a monogamous r/s with this man. In fact, it looks like he's even kicking you out of your OW role. He did not contact me when his marriage ended but instead pursued a relationship with his gf whom he had just met. He says he thought I would have moved on, and it wouldnt have been fair to contact me... What a stinking load of BS. Makes me want to fertilize my garden with it. You have one and ONLY ONE life to live. There are many, many male fish in the sea, some of whom would be willing to have a 1:1 honest r/s with you. I still love this man, and now realise I always will... You're predicting the future, and although I question your accuracy, the fact is that if you decide to "love" this man "forever", you can. It will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. You just can't have him. It would be helpful to explore why you choose (yes, choose) to stay "in love" with the man who hurts you and rejects you, instead of the man who lovesyou and spends his life with you.
whichwayisup Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 He knows the buttons to push on you so you'll go back to him, and he can have you on the side. I'm sure he isn't thinking this malciously, but he's being selfish and only thinking of himself and his needs. Not yours...If he was concerned about your feelings, then he wouldn't be doing this to you. Also, you're letting him walk all over you! Stop thinking with emotion and your heart and start thinking with your head.. If you don't put an end to this, you will continue to be hurt and feel used. You deserve better than that! It would be helpful to explore why you choose (yes, choose) to stay "in love" with the man who hurts you and rejects you, instead of the man who lovesyou and spends his life with you. I agree 100%.
littleladyofgold Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 the guy can't be with one woman alone and will eventually cheat on you too. good reason he didn't call you after the divorce. he didn't get as attached as you did and probably doesn't with women, hence all the cheating.
Guest Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 I have a long and complicated history with my man. I love him deeply and was his mistress for five years when he was married. I eventually gave him an ultimatum but he would not leave his children. So although it broke my heart I called it a day. Three years later... I split with my bf because we were just drifting. The relationship never stood a chance because I still loved this man, and now realise I always will. I called him and discovered he was divorced!!! He did not contact me when his marriage ended but instead pursued a relationship with his gf whom he had just met. He says he thought I would have moved on, and it wouldnt have been fair to contact me. He is not married to this woman and they have no children together.. although we have been sleeping together for the last three months he still seems reluctant to leave her. I cant believe I have become the OW for the second time!!! Apparently, she has bonded with his children from his marriage and he is reluctant to hurt her, even though he says they have had problems because she wants to get married and have kids and he doesnt. He says he never forgot me, always loved me etc, so why am I his OW again!!! How long do I wait?? The latest development is that she knows we have been in touch, and thinks we were just talking as friends. She is not happy and he has asked me to "cool" it for a few weeks. What shall I do? I dont want to give up if there is a chance we will finally be together. Update for you all! His g/f called and we had a long discussion. She was apparently his OW too and he left his W for her after 4 months!! She knows what he is like but is willing to forgive him! She doesnt buy any of the BS he told her about us being friends. I have realised that I am wasting my time. He may like sleeping with me, he may even see me as a friend, but he has now placed me second in his life after two women. I have resolved not to have anything to do with him again, especially as he told her personal things about us. She said she packed his bags for him and told him to make a choice. It seems he has... and I cant believe he could be so cruel. He knew it wasnt just sex for me. He knew I loved him. I am not going to try and fight for him this time...
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