yesmaybe Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 I'm freaking out. MM just txt me from his vacation in Europe (he and his son are there..wife is supposed to join this Saturday) I don't want to hurt his son - he's only 12. Son: Do you love yesmaybe? MM: Yes. Son: Very much? MM: Yes.
stoopid_guy Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 Wow! Any more on the context? It seems odd he would handle things like that. With the freaking out, do you also have some sense of relief that it might be over (one way or the other?) Stay strong, and best of luck!
owcanbhppy Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 HOW did this subject come up? what made his son ask that, or were you able to get enough from txtng to know? hang in there. it will be ok.
Author yesmaybe Posted August 6, 2006 Author Posted August 6, 2006 MM has been on vacation with his son for 2 weeks. MM and I have been in constant contact - he's been in a lot of pain because he's been agonizing about whether to divorce his wife. During this time, MM visited family and friends, looking for advice (but really confirmation) about wanting to leave his wife for me. There was mixed reaction - his mother said he was being selfish. His friends are supportive. Son and I have never met. But MM would always send me video messages via cell phone, and often had his son say hello, too. Son would have had to be totally stupid not to know. Am I relieved? Somewhat, but it really depends on son's reaction. MM has not told me. So I assume the son is very hurt. What kid wouldn't be if daddy is in love with someone else? In some way, I feel MM should have skirted the question. I think this confession to son has been a bigger relief to MM than to anyone else.
Author yesmaybe Posted August 6, 2006 Author Posted August 6, 2006 MM mentioned to his wife 3 days ago that he doesn't envision a future with her. She was shocked...said she loved him, wanted to continue the marriage. Since then, has been in denial. She has not brought it up again - instead, when she calls to talk to the son, she tells MM about all the housework and etc.. she's done that day. It's her way to signify her committment. But MM...whether he ends up with me or not...just couldn't stay in the marriage anymore. I don't want to go too much into details, but he's been doing some intense therapy, as well as trying to find out who he is. He was numb in his marriage before...now, the emotions are coming back up, and he wants a different future than what he sees with his wife. I hope the son will understand one day.
stoopid_guy Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 In some way, I feel MM should have skirted the question. I think this confession to son has been a bigger relief to MM than to anyone else. I'm sure that was the toughest part for him, maybe he just wanted to get it over with first. Also, I think it's better that his son got the story from him than the W...
Guest Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 So he never mentioned the word divorce to his wife, and then ran around talking to all his family and freinds, and then told his son about you...WTF? What kind of man lays this on his kid before coming to an agreement with his wife regarding a divorce? What kind of man tells his kid about his OW before telling his wife? D-day is right. Be prepared when for when his wife finds out about you - and that hubby was flaunting his affair with you to their son.
Author yesmaybe Posted August 6, 2006 Author Posted August 6, 2006 MM's wife doesn't know about me. I dread him telling her. And now that he's confessed to his son, no doubt he has to tell his wife. I had asked him to not mention this A to anyone (it would complicate matters). But I'm sure MM didn't mean to hurt anyone, esp. not his son. I hope, so badly, his son is not totally crushed.
whichwayisup Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 Son would have had to be totally stupid not to know. He trusts his father, and I'm sure he thought you were a friend, nothing more. I don't envy the position you're in because very soon his wife will be just as upset and his son is. You may have alot more to deal with than you want. Give some space to your MM. Keep busy!
Blind Illusion Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 In some way, I feel MM should have skirted the question. I think this confession to son has been a bigger relief to MM than to anyone else. I agree with you on that. Also, there really wasn't any reason for him to have his son say hello to you via any medium, thus arousing his suspicions. How is that child going to feel, knowing that he knows something that his mother doesn't. Why put a child in a situation of divided loyalty issues? I'm not saying that the MM should stay in his marriage because of the child. I'm not even suggesting that it can't be that a married person finds himself with another while still married. Things happen. I just don't see the point of bringing the child into the situation first. Even for your own benefit, it wasn't such a brilliant idea. Suppose he does divorce and you two are together. Don't you think this boy would be more receptive to you if he met & knew of you after the fact,
Author yesmaybe Posted August 7, 2006 Author Posted August 7, 2006 All day, I've been having the anxiety attack from hell. Ready to puke at the drop of a hat. I can't believe MM would be so...destructive! Sometimes, MM is so guileless that, even though I'm half his age, I feel more like the adult. I even told MM, if he were to divorce, then we should live apart for a year...and then have me introduced to his son. I was willing to wait a whole year to be official. And now... I feel sad for the son. I feel sad for MM. All my "why me?" thoughts are nothing compared to what these two guys are going through.
Sami_D Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 So he never mentioned the word divorce to his wife, and then ran around talking to all his family and freinds, and then told his son about you...WTF? What kind of man lays this on his kid before coming to an agreement with his wife regarding a divorce? What kind of man tells his kid about his OW before telling his wife? D-day is right. Be prepared when for when his wife finds out about you - and that hubby was flaunting his affair with you to their son. I'm sorry, but I have to agree with this. I think it's absolutely wrong that your MM has told his son about 'Daddy's friend' or however he's put it, and all he's said to his wife is he 'doesn't envisage a future with her'? What's he intending to do..? Tell everyone but his W and then present her with a fait accompli? This is just NOT right! This is a terrible way for him to treat both his son and his wife.
Guest Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 That poor little boy. What kind of a parent would jeopardize his twelve year old son's emotional well being in order to relieve himself of a secret he has been carrying? No offence, but what a schmuck! He had no right to burden his son with this knowledge. None at all. I can't imagine doing something so hurtful to one of my kids. How self-centered can one human being be?!
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