Kittiecat Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years about 4 months ago. Since then, I've managed to: 1. Go on two dates with a man who has a 13 year old daughter; and 2. Have a monthlong fling with my brother's best friend/known player, with actual expecations that "something" would materialize. When I broke up with the boyfriend before this last boyfriend, I managed to: 1. Date, and eventually hook up with college drinking buddy, with actual expectations that "something" would materialize; and 2. Had one night stand which became a two year relationship with friend of a friend of a friend. Looking back on my own breakup patterns, I notice that I tend to take stock of all the men in my life, whether they are friends, acquaintances, coworkers, former flings, [never exes, though] etc., and try to determine if they would now make good boyfriend material, because part of me likes to think that "the one" was there all the time (a la Ross/Rachel, Monica/Chandler). For me, the older I get the harder it is to form romantic bonds with people who are total strangers, which is why I'm completely turned off by the dating scene. It just seems easier to fall for someone you already have some sort of a history with as opposed to a stranger (even if there is "chemistry" - I'm starting to think it doesn't exist at all, but that's a post for another time). Anyway, the question I'm posing is this: When you break up with someone, or are just lonely in general, do you typically turn to the people who are already in your life hoping that "something" happen, or do you like to find someone new? I certainly don't think that always "needing" to have someone is the healthiest thing, of course, but I do think that we all fall into those feelings now and again, am I right? Thanks.
stillhere Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 I've noticed i've been doing this lately. You look to someone that someone knows. I don't go to the bar or what not looking for some random stranger. I won't even talk to random strangers. I feel more comfortable talking to men who are familiar to someone i know. He may be a stranger in all actuality, but to my friend, he is not, so i feel that much more comfortable, because my friend will more than likely give me the whole scoop on this guy. I don't try to recycle old flings, as something went wrong in the past with them, and i'm not looking to relive that in the future. I find it easier to meet guys at work, ones i get to know, and then i can ask around about them before i go on a date. That seems to work for me.
destination_unknown Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 Right now I think I'd date a garden tool - either new or familiar - if it showed me some affection!! :lmao: I just tried dating a "stranger" for the first time ever and I found it REALLY hard to be myself around him, I wish I could have been better at that becuase he's a GREAT guy. I have always known any LTR SO's fairly well before we get together. Not sure if I will do the stranger thing again, but I'm sure I'll get lonely enough to start advertising eventually!!
Author Kittiecat Posted August 8, 2006 Author Posted August 8, 2006 Right now I think I'd date a garden tool - either new or familiar - if it showed me some affection!! :lmao: :lmao: That made me laugh out loud, thanks. I personally subscribe to the theory that you can never go back. I've never done the break up/make up thing, etc. But if it's someone you never had a REAL relationship with...someone you have always had your eye one....someone who seems safe only because of familiarity...I simply can't help but wonder if there might not be something there........possibly. Over the past month I allowed myself to feel these silly feelings, and it's caused me to skip out on my workouts and living a normal life in favor of late night wine drinking in front of the TV and pathetic sobbing jags. WTF is going on? I never really behaved this way when I broke up with the bf, why is this happening now? I'm 28, all my friends are married with kids, and the older I get the less I think the marriage/kids thing will ever happen to me. And at the same time, I'm not even sure I want any of that. I DON'T WANT TO BE A MAID/COOK/WHORE/TAXI/SOCCER MOM/ETC. wherein my life revolves around my effing children! Are you kidding me? Is THAT what I have to look forward to?!?!?! Sorry. PMS. Wine. Horrible mood. Loneliness and general sadness. Thanks for reading my rant everyone.
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