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Does the dumper want us to move on?


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Posted

Hi everyone,

I have a question: Do you think the dumpers want the dumpees to move on? My ex-bf kept telling me that he wanted me to move on, and after five months, he claims that he has already moved on. I wonder about second chances sometimes, and want to know if second chances only occur as a result of the dumper never truly moving on. What do you think? Or do they move on and then later on come back (if they do) "refreshed"?

Posted

I dunno about whether they want us to move on. But it seems to me that if they and you have truly moved on and processed the end of the relationship for what it was, what really happened, who had what responsibility... then why would you want a second chance...? I think second chances only really work when you're both so far from what you originally were, that it's like starting a new relationship anyway.

Posted
Hi everyone,

I have a question: Do you think the dumpers want the dumpees to move on? My ex-bf kept telling me that he wanted me to move on, and after five months, he claims that he has already moved on. I wonder about second chances sometimes, and want to know if second chances only occur as a result of the dumper never truly moving on. What do you think? Or do they move on and then later on come back (if they do) "refreshed"?

 

 

I think that they are both possibilities, and that it depends on many factors.

 

 

One of the factors that, imo, might be more meaningful is the reason why the dumping has occurred.

 

If, say, someone dumps you because you stated you won't marry him, or because he feels insecure being with you, or he does not feel loved enough, chances are it will take him(or her) some time to move on.

If you get back together later on, I think it is likely that they never *really*moved on.

 

If they dump you because they are bored, or because they are attracted to someone else, then it might take them little time to move on - that is, if they haven't moved on already in the moment they dump you.

In this case, if you get a second chance it would probably be one of those "I changed my mind/ I realize I'm more interested than I thought, so I'm back 'refreshed' " situations.

Posted

Does the dumper want the dumpee to move on?

 

Oh KEEEERIIISSSTTT yes. Move on! Delete my name from your address book, your phone directory, etc. etc. Go! Shoo! Begone! Vamoose! Off with you!

Posted

I couldn't agree more. In fact I heard my ex was moving to another country with the Air Force. A huge wash of relief cleansed me with the thought of him moving FAR FAR AWAY. I broke up with him because I was done. No ifs or buts.

Posted

My ex who dumped me, told me to move on.

 

In a sense its a relief for them too so you`re not hanging about.

 

I know for a fact that whn my ex met someone, she didn`t tell me at first.

 

She just told me "(my name) you have to move on". Then a week later or two, I get a text from her friend saying that my ex had met a nice man, and wants to develop a relationship with him.

 

I ve not spoke to her since, and that was 3 months ago.

 

When a dumper dumps you, they of course want you to be happy, and also to see the `back end` of you to rid of you lol.

Posted

When I've ended relationships with people, the last thing I wanted was for them to hang around, stop by unannounced, call me, email me, text me endlessly, or sit around hoping I'd come back. Frankly, if I end it, it's done, yes, move on.

Posted

So why do some dumpers come back later? Do those that come back tend not to tell the dumpees to move on at the time of the break up? Do dumpers truly move on when they claim that they have? Or are they just saying that so that the dumpees would leave them alone? I still don't get it. Sorry ... so dumb ...

Posted

Hi Guest

 

Thats a very valid point, but not credible enough. You have to take into consideration of the timeline involved.

 

What do I mean?

 

Well in the present scenario when the dumper has already dumped you, and asking you to move on (the present). I know from my experience my ex told me to move on. Only to find out about a week later that she had found a new boyfriend. She wants me to move on and to stop bugging her basically. So yes, this is telling you subtly get you to find someone else!! The dumper also wants closure as well by saying `move on`.

 

Now lets fast forward to say maybe a few months, a year. (the future) You ex doesn`t think the grass is greener after all. Thinks that things are going not the way they hoped, and now wants to come back.

 

So I hope I ve illustrated this to you in a time line. Present and future. In most cases where the dumper has found someone else they will ask you to move on.

 

They only come back after when things work out. Be wary though. Not all dumpers come back.

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