Another break up

[LauraK]

We were together only 3 months but we were so incompatiable. There was loads of red flags which although I didn't exactly ignore I did try and cover them up and put it all down to teething troubles.

 

Basically in a nut shell, we met 3 months ago when my mate came back to edinburgh and we had a night out. It was my mate's cousin. Things didn't start off great. We kissed that night, swapped numbers then he didn't call. I thought ok fine, just a one night thing, fair enough. But we met up again when we were having a drink with my mate, got on ok. He phoned me and we went out. I would love to say it was going perfectly but it wasn't. He drinks far too much and smokes too much weed, and I hated it. It led to a lot of 'discussions'.

 

Anyway we seemed to be getting on well, we saw each other every second day this week (as he is going to the oil rigs soon). Last night I was supposed to be staying at his house. He had my mate's mum's wedding to go to during the day but said he wouldn't be late and he wanted me to stay. So (yes I know I shouldn't have, but because we had made plans I thought it would be ok to) I waited around for him to call. He didn't call, so I texted him asking if he was having a good time and if he knew when he was coming home? No answer. So I texted about an hour later and said I guess I'm not staying tonight, will see you later. No answer. Yes alarm bells and red flags were like speeding bullets. So I admit I was tearful and of course everything was going through my head - is he with someone else? Is he injured? I couldn't sleep so I phoned him, no answer so I left a message on his answering machine. He called back about midnight. Saying how sorry he was that he hadn't texted or phoned etc. I said why didn't you? He said his phone had fallen down the lining of this jacket so he couldn't reply. Yeah...ok. He then had to go cause my mate was trying to get her other cousin (the ex's brother) in to a taxi and needed help. I was still upset and angry at him, so I told him not to bother phoning me back. Of course I cracked a little while later and texted him with "phone me". Which he did, his brother had did a runner from the taxi and they were looking for him. So he had to go again.

 

About half 3 this morning he phones me to say him and my mate are at his flat but can't get in because he has left his wallet and his actual jacket at the wedding. So basically it was a case of if worst comes to worst and they can't get in can they come and stay at my house. Eventually they got in. So I thought ok we can talk now. To cut a lot boring conversation short, I said I was really not happy with him not texting or phoning saying that he was just going to stay at the wedding. He said I know I'm a b******d. Then I said along the lines of I don't know where this leaves us, as I think I deserve more respect than what he was giving me. I asked him if he wanted to finish, he said he didn't know. Well to be honest that was enough for me. He said I don't want to talk about this when I'm drunk, come round tomorrow. I said I am not coming round for us to decide we are finished. He said his feelings changed 2 weeks ago. When 1 week ago he told me he loved me. Which I knew in my heart that it wasn't true, it was too soon.

 

He said the usual can we be really good friends etc. I said no, I don't keep in contact with my ex's. He said I can't believe I am never going to talk to you again. I said well that's the way I do things. Including I'm an amazing beautiful girl and he hopes I find someone really special. I felt so patronised. I said don't, I am trying to leave this on as good terms as possible. I then said lets not prolong this, good luck with the job and everything else etc. And said goodbye. He sent me a text about 10 mins after that saying he was sorry it finished that way and that the time we had together was special. goodbye my sweetness.

 

So after all that, I deleted and blocked him from msn. Deleted his number off my phone and all the messages. Deleted all the emails. I'm currently putting all the pictures etc in a folder to put on a cd to put in my filing cabinet. The flowers that he bought me two days ago (for the first time) are about to be put in the bucket. I don't want any reminders.

 

I can't believe how much my stomach is in turmoil over someone I knew was so wrong for me. I didn't think it would hurt this much, I wasn't optimistic about this relationship anyway but I was just seeing how it went. Relationships aren't supposed to be easy are they? And obviously things will be awkward with my mate. Although (and this sounds terrible I know) I wouldn't care if I never saw her again either. She is a user in the highest degree.

 

 

Oh and to top of this great week early last monday morning my car was stolen and was found torched later that day. Bad luck comes in 3's?! What's my next one.

 

This only happend about 4 hours ago so my head is a bit of a mess.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Laura x

[Chinook]

Seems to me Laura that you're better off without him. Not only is she using you but he is too. You don't need this kind of crap. Breakups hurt though. It will feel better in the long term though. Believe me, it will.

[MrPot]

Except for the part where you cracked and told him to reach you, you did a great job. Handled things perfectly, I'd say. I'm glad you understand that being friends with someone fresh after a breakup (even if you didn't solidify a "relationship") is impossible to handle.

 

I know it hurts, but it shouldn't hurt for long. Considering you never became really close and your level-headedness, you should be over this within a week.

 

And man, even I know that you can smoke too much weed.

 

But I have one objection to your "Relationships aren't supposed to be easy" comment. Actually, they are supposed to be easy. When you find someone that is suitable as a significant other, you won't go through all this crap. You won't encounter all these "red flags." That's how you'll know you've found a keeper.