Is it wrong to have standards?

[MarcoInaros]

I would personally want a girl who:

 

1. Had no STDs

2. Had no children

3. Was not divorced or had not lived with an ex

4. Is at least semi-attractive to me

5. No smokers

6. Not overweight!!!!

 

A few ugly ones have shown interest in me, which I made me feel a little sick:sick: . I was perfectly willing to be their friend but not a date. I'm 26 and getting a little desperate since I am very inexperienced myself at this age. I work out though, tall, and am going to grad school. But is it wrong to have standards? Or should I go out with an ugly, get some exerience, and hopefully success will build upon success?

[P1xie]

A few ugly ones have shown interest in me, which I made me feel a little sick:sick: . I was perfectly willing to be their friend but not a date.

 

I don't think I would want to be your friend if I made you sick and you called me ugly.

 

There is nothing wrong with having standards. But if they are unrealistic you may never find someone. I'm not saying yours are unrealistic. Everyone wants to be with someone they are attractive to, who wants a STD? As for the rest of them to each their own.

[norajane]

Or should I go out with an ugly, get some exerience, and hopefully success will build upon success?

 

Using people for 'experience' or 'success' is wrong and makes you an ugly person.

[Outcast]

That 'ugly' has a heart and feelings, too. Do all the 'uglies' a favour and stay far, FAR away from them. And understand that everybody is ugly to somebody. Even you. Tastes are personal. I personally think Brad Pitt is a bore. But I think mean-spirited people are even more boring.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Personally, if you are not finding what you are looking for it means that your standards are in fact too high. Lots of men that I know think that they are better looking than they actually are. My guess would be you are in that category. They expect to get those really pretty girls and they are average looking at best. I know one guy who thinks that just because he has a good job, is not overweight and goes to the gym regularly should get girls that look like models. He is not butt ugly but is far from being hot or even cute and his over-confidence when it comes to his own looks is funny. Guess what, he is 31 now and has been single for the last 5 years. While it's good to have standards it's even better to be realistic.

[starzinmyeyes]

OH. MY. GOD. you sound really young. You do realise that "ugly" people are usually more interesting than "pretty" ones? Honestly geez i thought your post might be a joke, i mean really you can't be serious can you? You'll probably find hat the "uglies" won't want to go out with you anyway because they'll be looking for someone with character.

[Pink Amulet]

Excellent example SadandConfused.

 

I am constantly being approached by arrogant worms in suits, who brag about their p.a incomes and how much they can bench press at the gym and when I make it clear I am not at all interested they seem slightly shocked! Puhlease...

 

Although we all have a mental checklist for potential dates, and yours seems fair enough, your attitude is disgusting to be honest. I would say your personality has even left these 'uglies' relieved at your disinterest

 

Step outside yourself, are you really as big a catch as you believe yourself to be?

[Yamaha]

What standard of beauty is giving you attention? I would say if over 50% of the women you see/meet are eying you with interest then you can consider yourself above average but if only the ugly ones are interested then you do the math. Life is not always fair so maybe you need to update your standards in the attraction column. The rest are just personal preference.

[MsArtful]

Excellent example SadandConfused.

 

I am constantly being approached by arrogant worms in suits, who brag about their p.a incomes and how much they can bench press at the gym and when I make it clear I am not at all interested they seem slightly shocked! Puhlease...

 

Although we all have a mental checklist for potential dates, and yours seems fair enough, your attitude is disgusting to be honest. I would say your personality has even left these 'uglies' relieved at your disinterest

 

Step outside yourself, are you really as big a catch as you believe yourself to be?

 

Go Pink Amulet!

[stoopid_guy]

Nothing wrong with realistic physical standards, but personality standards mean more. For example, I know that if she doesn't like animals, we probably aren't going to get along. If she doesn't have a somewhat perverse sense of humor, we definately aren't going to get along. If she's a religious nut, forget it. If she's politically extreme in either direction it tells me she doen't like to think...

 

Personalty can also manifest itself as physical attractiveness. Everyone looks better when they're smiling. A lady with confidence, a sense of humor, and an up-beat attitude looks better.

 

Using people for 'experience' or 'success' is wrong and makes you an ugly person.

 

But it can also open your eyes in a good way. I used to want a lady to fit the "ideal/magazine model" weight, but since holding one in my arms who was thirty pounds or so over that, I haven't given a "skinny" woman a second glance.

[lindya]

I would personally want a girl who:

 

1. Had no STDs

2. Had no children

3. Was not divorced or had not lived with an ex

4. Is at least semi-attractive to me

5. No smokers

6. Not overweight!!!!

 

A few ugly ones have shown interest in me, which I made me feel a little sick:sick: .

 

Taking this rational, logical and soulless approach to the matter of relationships just makes you sound like what I call "deadwood in a suit". That's the guy who has his checklist and will pair with pretty much anyone who meets it. He has the charismatic appeal of an Ikea wardrobe - and this is more than partly down to the fact that he uses Ikea factory standards to measure pretty much everything in life. Including women.

 

Happy hunting!

[burning 4 revenge]

I would personally want a girl who:

 

1. Had no STDs

2. Had no children

3. Was not divorced or had not lived with an ex

4. Is at least semi-attractive to me

5. No smokers

6. Not overweight!!!!

 

A few ugly ones have shown interest in me, which I made me feel a little sick:sick: .

wow, you're pretty tough. my only absolute requirements are that they don't have bad breath or a penis.

 

well, you're 26 now, so the possibilities of finding someone with no children, not divorced, or not at least slightly overweight are diminshing on a daily basis. and if you lived in florida, that would go for std's also.

 

oh, this is the guy who never kissed a girl.

 

lostjeff, maybe if you relax your statndards a bit and got to know some of these so-called "uglies" and got physically involved with them you would find your parameters broadening

[lindya]

wow, you're pretty tough. my only absolute requirements are that they don't have bad breath or a penis.

 

So speaks a guy who has lived

 

LostJeff - you've posted stuff about this standards list before, and you always get flamed for it.

 

The basic flavour that comes across from this post and others is that you don't regard the whole process of meeting and getting involved with women as something that could possibly be fun. In fact, you make it sound like a miserable, sordid task that involves sifting through all sorts of undesirables as you search for the woman who won't make you feel physically sick.

 

Can you see why that approach would be off-putting? I can totally understand that you wouldn't want to date someone who is going to pass some sort of STD onto you...but it's hard not to make assumptions about you based on other things on the list. The rule against a partner having lived with an ex boyfriend, for instance. Why would you need that rule? What are you afraid will happen if you break that rule...and all the others on your list?

 

Right now, your focus is on what you don't want. It's a fundamental mistake, because operating from that mindset only results in you constantly seeing those things you don't want, everywhere you look. I think if you started to focus on the positive aspects of people - including these women you view as ugly - you might start to get a far better feeling for what it is that you want. What could make you happy....as opposed to only knowing what keeps you feeling miserable.

[burning 4 revenge]

In fact, you make it sound like a miserable, sordid task that involves sifting through all sorts of undesirables as you search for the woman who won't make you feel physically sick.

 

:lmao::lmao: you make me laugh out loud sometimes and i hardly laugh like that anymore

[stoopid_guy]

well, you're 26 now, so the possibilities of finding someone with no children, not divorced, or not at least slightly overweight are diminshing on a daily basis.

 

Absolutely. If a lady's in her late twenties and attractive (through a combination of looks and personality) the odds that she's never lived with someone are very slim. (I won't address "overweight" because it's very subjective.)

 

Again, nothing wrong with having standards, everyone does. Then again, I'd also say there's nothing wrong with spending all your evenings alone if your standards are un-realistic. (Guys with un-realistic standards mean more ladies available to nice guys with realistic standards.)

 

If you're not getting as many dates as you'd like, you have to; A) adjust your standards, B) do a better job of meeting the standards of others, or C) get used to having few dates.

 

A few ugly ones have shown interest in me, which I made me feel a little sick:sick: .

 

How could anyone showing an interest in you be anything but flattering?

[lindya]

:lmao::lmao: you make me laugh out loud sometimes and i hardly laugh like that anymore

 

Like Woggle, I like to think I speak the truth...and the truth is often pretty comical

[confusedgeek]

Wow. There are lots of harsh critics here on the board.

No one really could really understand this guys feelings.

 

I hope this guys really does find someone who meets his standards.

In my opinion, everyone should get what they want. Especially when it comes to the special girl he wants to spend his precious time with.

 

Don't want to get too preachy here but if he gets what he wants.

I'd be happy for this guy. If he doesn't, life just works that way. Not everyone can win. Life just sucks that way.

 

I dont consider the list he posted up too unreasonable at being age 26.

 

- ConfusedGeek

[Pink Amulet]

Looking at his history, I discovered he has never even kissed a girl. Something is definitely wrong.

 

I think he is making excuses for fear of intimacy...

[lindya]

I hope this guys really does find someone who meets his standards. In my opinion, everyone should get what they want. Especially when it comes to the special girl he wants to spend his precious time with.

 

That ties up with the point I was trying (obviously unsuccessfully...) to make.

 

Put it this way: How would you feel if you hooked up with a girl, and she said "I'm going out with you because you don't have an STD, criminal record or false teeth"?

 

Would that make you feel special?

 

If you want someone special, you have to know special when you see it...and that's a talent that requires far more than the possession of a "here's what I don't want" list.

[Outcast]

He has the charismatic appeal of an Ikea wardrobe

 

With none of the quality that möbelfakta assures

[superconductor]

Seems that when a woman wants her man to be 6 feet tall, athletic, great with kids and financially secure with a good job and nice car, she's got standards and "won't settle."

 

But when a man wants a woman to be attractive, smell nice, like sex and all the rest, he's shallow.

 

And yet another in the interminably long list of double-standards.

[stoopid_guy]

Actually, "shallow" is any woman who's standards I don't fit into.

[SadandConfusedWA]

It's not even his list, it's his attitude that's the problem. The tone of his post just made me really angry. It's wrong to call girls ugly and say that their interest in him make him sick. How would any of you guys feel if some girl you like thought of you as so ugly that you make her sick. Now that's not so nice is it?

[confusedgeek]

> Would that make you feel special?

 

I think that would make me feel special because, well, having no STD is usually a good thing. Having no criminal records is also a good thing. Not sure about the fake teeth. Usually thats a good thing because its less maintenance and the smile looks good, yes? Its like fake breasts....I like those on a girl.

 

I think the original poster because he wanted to share his thoughts/feelings.

 

Im not sure about the natural talent thing. But I think everyone has to start somewhere and an "I don't want list" is a good start. I think this guy is capable of finding a girl he likes. Its just a combo of skill and luck.

 

- ConfusedGeek

[SadandConfusedWA]

I have just read some of his previous posts and now feel somewhat sorry for the guy. I think that he is delibaretly sounding overly harsh to cover up his own insecurities. There is a much deeper problem here than high standards and should best be discussed with a proffesional.