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Posted

I'd like to start by saying that it is very difficult for me to find a girl that I have a deep connection with and am able to sit and talk to her comfortably for hours and not feel awkward or shy. I found an amazing girl recently...maybe the most amazing girl I have ever met (then again I tend to say that a lot about girls in the beginning). I have hung out with her only a few times now but I can already tell that I'd like something to happen. I just kissed her for the first time the other night and it was really amazing...something straight out of a movie. She goes to school about 6 hours away from me which means that if I were to get into a long distance relationship with her I would only be able to see her MAYBE once a month. Last night I kissed another girl at a party when I was drunk. I know we are not "official", and I know that most people wouldn't even feel bad about it...but I am not most people. I haven't been able to sleep or eat and I just feel horrible. I have told myself that I should stop drinking. I get drunk very sparingly like once every month or every other month...but when I do I don't like myself and I usually do dumb things to sabotage something good in my life. I guess that's what attracts most people to alcohol is the lowered inhibitions...but that's not my ideal situation. I have never really been in a REAL relationship...only those bogus ones in high school and maybe this is a sign that I'm just not ready for one at this point in my life...but I can't help thinking in the back of my mind that I will never meet another girl like this and I could be ruining the best thing that ever happened to me (or already have ruined it by kissing that girl last night). Should I tell her all of this and how I will cut alcohol out of my life...or should I just not tell her and let things work their course. I am hanging out with her tonight and need to know what to do...Please respond. Thanks.

Posted

It ultimately has to be your decision whether you tell her or not, its something you will have to think long and hard about. Do cut the alcohol out, some people just cant drink the way the majority of people can (i.e. they do the sabotaging stuff). I'm one of them, since I gave it up my life is SO much better).

 

Why don't you ask her if she would like to be official? It sounds like you would like that. And if you do, make sure you stick to that decision and don't get drunk!

  • Author
Posted

thanks, but do I tell her what I did last night before asking her? I feel like I'd be letting her down and myself down if I asked her to be official and then had to tell her later on in the relationship or keep it from her...or is it even that big of a deal that I kissed someone else when we weren't official yet. I have never done anything like this before and I can't believe I did it...but maybe I am overreacting?

Posted

I don't think you should tell her. There is nothing to be gained by it. You did nothing wrong. If anything, maybe it showed you how important she really is to you - so that doesn't seem so bad, does it?

 

One of the biggest mistakes I have in relationships is that I tell too much too soon about myself and feel like I have to be sooo honest and giving. It always bites me in the ass. Because the guy doesn't know me all that well yet, he makes decisions regarding my character all based on what I have told him in that short period of time. This girl you like is probably trying to piece together your character now. if you tell her you kissed a girl while drunk at a party, it makes you sound like a womanizer, an excuse-maker, and an alcohol abuser, and just maybe... she will think you can at least fess up to your mistakes. Her ideal guy is one who doesn't have to fess up, because he doesn't do all those things in the first place....

 

just my opinion.

  • Author
Posted

but I did do it...what if it turns into something long-lasting and I have to tell her down the line? would that be worse than telling her now? it'd be really tough to keep that in the back of my mind.

Posted

i still don't see a problem. You didn't cheat on her. You hardly even know her. You telling her will only hurt her, and hurt your budding relationship. Oh yeah, it may make you feel better because you are obviously having a guilt complex. Make yourself feel better in some other way. Treat her like a princess and NEVER do it again. And yes, ask her to be your girlfriend if that is what you want.

 

Are you sure you only kissed the girl at the party? You sound awfully nervous for someone who just had a kiss?

Posted

Like Mollyanna said, do not tell her. Stay true to words. Start a fresh new page with this girl.

  • Author
Posted

there wasn't much more than kissing...i definetly did not have sex with her or oral or any of that...i almost did but i stopped myself and my friends stepped in cuz they knew i'd be ****ing up a good thing

Posted

when they aren't in a relationship, people date. people date more than one person at a time. on these dates, people kiss. It's normal. It is completely normal that you would kiss someone else because you hadn't made a commitment to anyone. Would you be angry at her for kissing someone? You shouldn't be. And I bet you would feel better not knowing that bit of information too.

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Posted

the weird thing is I have "seen" more than one girl before and never felt bad about until now because this girl deserves the world and the others...i guess...didn't

Posted

that's not true. We ALL deserve the world

seriously, you did nothing wrong. The guy I was dating slept with another girl and told me about it. Now that's something to feel guilty about.

  • Author
Posted

I am sorry to hear that...thank you for all your responses you have really helped a lot. I guess I am worrying too much since we are just dating right now and it is not official...but it did open my eyes and make me realize how much I really do care for her already.

Posted

Good Luck. Sounds like she has a good man in you.

 

and now I feel better that there are some decent, honest, caring men still out there.

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