Hmm.. Well...

[Jubilee Kate]

I had been trying to find the "right time" to sit down and talk to the guy I'd been dating. To find out if he thought there was any potential for the future or whether things were going to stay where they were. I knew I could no longer do the casual thing with him and wind up unscathed - I started getting emotionally attached and needed to feel some semblance of safety in the relationship.

Anyway, I was nervous about it and avoided that talk at all costs. I was scared he'd tell me what I didn't want to hear, that he didn't feel the same or think there was any potential. I set myself up over the course of a week for an eventual breakup at my hands.

 

The day it happened, I text him while he's at work and he was short with me, but he's at work. After chit chat, I ask him if he has plans Sunday. He only says, "Yup." Fearing he's already assumed the worst (no, I'm not thinking rationally at this point), or is already backing out the door due to things that took place over the previous week, I get a fight or flight reaction and say, "Well, I had wanted to say this in person but I'll say it now instead. I can't keep up a casual thing. That's what's been up with me lately. Sorry. I know you don't want more from this." The text cuts me off at this point, I shouldn't have sent it but did. An hour later he responds with, "Well... Hmm... I'm kinda lost for words, I'll call you when my day calms down a bit." He doesn't call, so by 6:45 I'm convinced I'd done the right thing by running. I'm convinced it's either me breaking up or him doing it for me. I send him one last text that says, "I'm not angry, I'm doing this out of self-preservation because if I continue with this I will get attached and then all bets are off." Never heard back.

 

I realize I handled this as a child. I was filled with intense panic for who knows what reason. I think I was getting too close and that itself freaked me out. I wish I had that one last chance to go back and not send that text out of fear. To actually have the balls to sit down and make my feelings known, for better or worse, to see if maybe, just maybe he felt the same. I fight myself on a daily basis from calling him now. At this point I don't know if I could handle his reaction to my calling. I know I should just chalk this up to a lesson learned and move on, but I have this regret I'm holding onto. I just wish I knew what his reaction would be.

[destination_unknown]

Hi Kate!

 

So, I can't figure out when this happened from your post. If he didn't reply then you can know you did the right thing. Don't second guess yourself, trust what your instincts were telling you.

[Jubilee Kate]

This happened a week ago Friday.

Right now, I feel like he was the one doing the dumping even though I'm the one that ran. I feel this way because I know in my heart that I was dating a loser who didn't care for me from the get-go, I do believe he was keeping me at arms length and recently had been pushing me away completely, and I feel dumb for having thought things would change. I know I ran for good reason, I was having one of those dumper's remorse moments when you go back and forget all the reasons why you left in the first place.

Being honest with myself, though, I think my reaction was so strong because it was overdue, like maybe my irrational mind was doing in the heat of the moment what I knew my rational side would not - maybe my intuition took over (okay, this is a stretch, it should be the other way around, but that's how it feels anyway.)

 

So now, how do I get over the urge to call and make this better when I know full-well he's the same man he was a week ago?

[destination_unknown]

Cuz if you do that, you could be missing out on a guy who won't want you to be at arms length, but will want you much closer!

[Jubilee Kate]

Thank you:)

[Diver012]

I think you saved yourself a lot of pain in the long run. Good for you!