destination_unknown Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 think your gonna have to clarify that a little ... Personally, if an ex of mine decided to directly interfere in my life without being asked to do so (or where i was in physical danger) I would be pissed off. If they gave *genuine* advice, which was solicited, I would appreciate that. However, advice that was given unsolicited with some kind of agenda attached would not be appreciated.
SoCalCatman72 Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 I agree that it depends highly on the definition of "protective". If protective involves: trying to influence your dating life, trying to screen your friends, trying to influence your personal decisions, trying to keep you from going to a place or places, e.g. controlling, then I would say that is not protective per se, but self seeking. If protective involves: Shielding you from bodily harm (clear and present, not an imaginary threat) Being there for you when you need help. Giving honest advice and opinions, knowing you may or may not follow it. Rescuing you when you need rescuing, and standing up for you when you need a champion, then congratulations, that's IMO unconditional love.
Guest Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 what do you think of protective exes? i don't mean it in a stalker-ish way. my ex and i have been ok friends since calling it quits a good while ago. but if i, or any other friend, happens to mention another guy to him, he will say something like, "he is a jerk, you deserve better" when, in fact, he does not really know the guy. is this normal?
destination_unknown Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 Guys hate thinking a girl they like might be with someone else. I know it was a thing for my ex and I know all my male mates feel the same way. It makes them want to puke / smash heads etc... Does he still have feelings for you? You may have trouble when you start dating somebody and you have less time for your ex. Is he clear on the fact that you won't be getting back together - he may harbour hope for the two of you.
Chinook Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 Sorry but there's no such thing as a protective ex in my opinion. If an ex has an agenda, they are going to try to influence what occurs. If an ex doesn't have an agenda then they will wish you the best... especially if they didn't know the person involved. Your ex sounds to me like he's still carrying a flame for you. If you're not interested in him - might be best for you to extinguish that flame pronto... otherwise you could find it getting a little annoying when he tries to influence your dating and any new boyfriend may get pretty annoyed with it. Another reason IMHO why staying mates with exes doesn't really work. As one of my friends says... exes are exes for a reason.
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