simpleman Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 Hi, My long-distant relationship has been on-going for a year now! We have seen each other three times, and we're both students. Her being a recent graduate of Highschool, and me fixing to graduate from College. For the past year, we haven't had any real obstacles interrupting our conversation time which was basically nonstop time. We would talk continuously for hours upon hours on end (14k mins a month, a little excessive) Up until recently I obtained a job that put me in a part-time position. The position was working in retail... My girlfriend was looking for a job at the time as well and I did it only to motivate her in job-seeking. Two weeks later I'm scheduled for an interview... She starts to show aniexty about me working around girls all day, working to much that we won't get to talk, and other similar issues. Time rolls around that I start the job. The times range from afternoon shifts to night shifts, and then she starts to see that we can't talk as much as we did because I normally have classes in the morning and I'm normally tired after work. This has really effective the amount of time we talk; however, I have been able to give her at least two hours of talk time each night despite the circumstances. As we've progressed, she has grown more aggitated and cried over me working so much and afraid that she is going to lose me. She believes that I constantly talk to girls at work or that working around female customers will lead to her losing me. I know she has some insecurity issues and I won't to strengthen that lacking part of her personality. I don't want her to be afraid that she is going to lose me all the time. In addition, she has really started to make me feel guilty with the messages and words she uses to express her feelings. We agreed to always tell each other everything, but the way she structures her sentences hurt me deeply. They do not hold back... the sarcasm is so deep yet very visible. The tone of voice makes irritates me. I try to help her... I ask her what I can do! Change jobs? Work different times? What should I do to improve this relationship? I realize she is having a hard time coping with this change, and she believes we should at least talk five hours a day; however, if I'm working 6-7 hours a day, then 2-4 hours at work; plus I hope 8 hours of sleep. We should be left with enough time... But I don't know how I can help her. I just feel like breaking down. Help... Advice?
Poboy Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 Basically , she is being quite selfish and asking for too much imo , is she of the doubting kinds , trust issues etc . 2 hours in my book is more than enough and that too every night. Obviouslly, you need to tell her that its not possible for you and that she needs to realise that you too have a life and some say in how you want to live it . all you can do is convince her that you are faithful and that she shouldnt have insecurities for you. In any field of work , there will be women around , so no point in quiting your job. You could visit her and tell all this in person , that might help more considering her nature good luck
BohemeRose Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 I'm pretty much on her end of a similar situation, and I'm guilty of resulting to the same "tactics" with my guy. Maybe I can offer you some insight as to how she's feeling... Basically, she is resulting to sarcasm and nasty remarks to mask how scared she is of losing you, and to test how much you actually care for her and how much you're willing to put up with. It's kind of sad, but true. Most girls do it without even realizing it. She needs to know how much you care about her, and how working this schedule and being apart now is going to make matters easier for you in the future when you can finally be together. She's just feeling insecure, and while that might not go away in an instant, so long as you keep letting her know how much you care for her she'll start to come around. And I also wanted to thank you for posting this. It gave me some insight as to how my guy is probably feeling when I lay too much on him for things that aren't really his fault, as a result of my insecurities. I know on both ends, all this hard work will be worth it in the end. Good luck!
Rikka Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 Basically , she is being quite selfish and asking for too much imo , is she of the doubting kinds , trust issues etc . 2 hours in my book is more than enough and that too every night. Obviouslly, you need to tell her that its not possible for you and that she needs to realise that you too have a life and some say in how you want to live it . all you can do is convince her that you are faithful and that she shouldnt have insecurities for you. In any field of work , there will be women around , so no point in quiting your job. You could visit her and tell all this in person , that might help more considering her nature good luck My thoughts exactly.
Outcast Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 She's got big problems. She's far too insecure, untrusting, and jealous. SHE is the one who needs to change. This isn't love; it's excessive overdependence on someone else to the point of unhealthiness. It's also a form of controlling behaviour. Tell her that you won't accept her lack of trust anymore and that she needs to do something about getting over it because it is seriously unhealthy.
westernxer Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 Help... Advice? Break up. Date chicks you can actually see.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 Hi, We would talk continuously for hours upon hours on end (14k mins a month, a little excessive) ... This has really effective the amount of time we talk; however, I have been able to give her at least two hours of talk time each night despite the circumstances. ...and she believes we should at least talk five hours a day; What in heaven's name do you guys talk about for 5 hours everyday?! I can understand people talk longer at the beginning of a relationship. Even then, five hours is too much! And after a year, after you've talked over most things anyway...well, wow. Here's what I think: Up until now, neither of you was really occupied with anything. School and stuff don't count. So you were pretty much each others' hobbies, pastimes, extra-curricular activities, whatever you want to call it. I doubt you even talked to anybody else much. I mean, after 5 hours of talking, I'd rather spend the rest of the day alone in a tree house Good thing you took up the part time job. You need a little change and a lot of reality back into your life. So does she. Hopefully, she can find a similar job herself and both of you can have a life in 3-D instead of over radiowaves.
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