Guest Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 I just found a sex toy my husband had hidden, one of those fake vagina's. My husband has lots of porn and masterbates probrably about 3 times a week. I am very hurt and sad. We have been married for 6 years, I am only 24. Why is this happening and what do I have to look forward to in this relationship. We have even missed doing things together because instead of getting ready he was looking at porn. I am at a loss of what to do. I have been dealing with this for 6 years and this is just about the last straw. I could really use some advice. Thanks. Guest
FredTravels Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 Porn is not necessarily unhealthy as long as it is not a replacement for the real deal. How often do you have sex? Is it good? I think we need more info on this. I mean if you cut him off, I can see that he may turn to porn. Is your marraige good and happy? Can you deal with it? Can you join him in his porn enjoyment?
norajane Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 Why are you hurt? Masturbating 3 times a week is hardly an obsession. Don't you have any toys of your own that you use while you masturbate or together when you have sex? If your sex life is satisfying you, I don't really see why you are upset that he has purchases a toy for additional fun. If it's not, then you probably have other problems in your relationship that are leading to your sexual difficulties.
Guest Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 Why are you hurt? Masturbating 3 times a week is hardly an obsession. Don't you have any toys of your own that you use while you masturbate or together when you have sex? If your sex life is satisfying you, I don't really see why you are upset that he has purchases a toy for additional fun. If it's not, then you probably have other problems in your relationship that are leading to your sexual difficulties. Norajane, I think that if he masterbates more then we have sex it is a problem, to me anyways. I have talked to my husband about it we even bought a vidoe together, so he said, but when I offered to watch it with him he said he would not be comfortable. When he would rather masterbate then get ready so we can spend time together I also think that is a problem. When we talked about it and i told him how hurt I was he told me he would never change that he looked at porn before we were married and will continue to look at prorn. And over time I accepted that, but I think this is worse. I feel like he took me accepting something I did not like and is taking advantage of it. I feel replaced. We also have a sex toy to use together which we rarley do. I think I have been willing to set my opinion aside to accept what he is turned on by. This was just another step on the pyramid and I am confused and list. yes, there are other issues in the relationship. I feel that he is selfish and does not appreciate who I am. He is not supportive of me. So I figure we can work on it and i have been trying to for 6 years, but do i really want to deal with this for 50 years. Can I trust him not to go that extra step and cheat on me. I already caught him on an escort site! I think I have been open minded but this I can not deal with. I want to throw it away.
alphamale Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 I just found a sex toy my husband had hidden, one of those fake vagina's. just count your lucky stars it wasn't attached to a real woman.
burning 4 revenge Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 just count your lucky stars it wasn't attached to a real woman.have you ever used one of those things? not a real woman, i mean a fake vagina?
alphamale Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 have you ever used one of those things? not a real woman, i mean a fake vagina? no, i have no interest in that. i do have a nice porn collection, however....DVDs mostly.
burning 4 revenge Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 no, i have no interest in that. i do have a nice porn collection, however....DVDs mostly.i wonder if they make pornos of guys f*cking fake vaginas
alphamale Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 i wonder if they make pornos of guys f*cking fake vaginas what would be the point?
tinktronik Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 i wonder if they make pornos of guys f*cking fake vaginas Strange strange thought there .Now that will be stuck in my head all day .Some porno with guys taking turns running a train on a fake vagina. Thanks.
burning 4 revenge Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 what would be the point?i'm beginning to think there's a market for everything
Guest Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 i wonder if they make pornos of guys f*cking fake vaginas Hi, Just wondering if you could be a little less sensative to my post. If you want to discuss porno's of men with fake vagina's please do it some where else. Obviously I am hurt by this and need advice not jokes. Thanks!
tinktronik Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 i'm beginning to think there's a market for everything This sounds like another enterprise A4A may be interested in financing.
P1xie Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 I feel real stupid for asking this but I'm curious. Are these toys reusable?
Pink Amulet Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 Yes, they market them as being 'simple to clean'.
norajane Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 Norajane, I think that if he masterbates more then we have sex it is a problem, to me anyways. I have talked to my husband about it we even bought a vidoe together, so he said, but when I offered to watch it with him he said he would not be comfortable. When he would rather masterbate then get ready so we can spend time together I also think that is a problem. When we talked about it and i told him how hurt I was he told me he would never change that he looked at porn before we were married and will continue to look at prorn. And over time I accepted that, but I think this is worse. I feel like he took me accepting something I did not like and is taking advantage of it. I feel replaced. We also have a sex toy to use together which we rarley do. I think I have been willing to set my opinion aside to accept what he is turned on by. This was just another step on the pyramid and I am confused and list. yes, there are other issues in the relationship. I feel that he is selfish and does not appreciate who I am. He is not supportive of me. So I figure we can work on it and i have been trying to for 6 years, but do i really want to deal with this for 50 years. Can I trust him not to go that extra step and cheat on me. I already caught him on an escort site! I think I have been open minded but this I can not deal with. I want to throw it away. Ah, then I would say that focusing on your other issues is actually the more important thing for your marriage. The porn use and his online activities are a symptom of a bigger problem - you are unhappy with how he treats you, and he is unhappy with ? Have you considered going to marriage counseling to get some help in communicating your needs in this marriage? I think if you focus only on the porn (or any one particular symptom), even if he were to stop using it just to make you happy, you won't be getting to the heart of why he isn't supportive of you, why he is selfish, and all the other things that make you unhappy in this marriage. He will still be all those things even if he stops the porn. Maybe he needs a wake-up call along the lines of - "I can't see myself in this marriage another 5 minutes, much less 50 years. I don't think you're happy either. If we don't start working on this together, we probably won't make it. I've made an appointment with a MC for next week. I hope you'll come with me, but I'll be going by myself even if you don't."
jonesgirly Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 sounds like he's addicted to 'porn'. He seems to prefer it to the 'real' thang. Tough to live with, and probably makes you feel 'inferior' even though you're not. Tougher yet is the selfishness he is displaying by not even considering how you might feel about this. I don't know much about porn/sex addiction, but you might try googling it to see if there are more similarities.
alphamale Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 I don't know much about porn/sex addiction, but you might try googling it to see if there are more similarities. I don't think you'd want to "google" that JG...the results would just be porn sites
whichwayisup Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 The porn and the vagina toy are obviously getting in the way of your sex life and affecting your marriage as well. Start talking to him about going to marriage counselling. Either he has an addiction or he's putting up walls so he won't feel that close intimacy with you. Has something happened that brought it on? Stress, a death in the family? Something in his past? Just wondering...
jonesgirly Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 I don't think you'd want to "google" that JG...the results would just be porn sites Of course I just HAD to try it (googled 'sex addiction') and NOPE! The first site was the legit SA anonymous. So I then googled (porn addiction), and YEP! There was your picture, alphamale :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: (j/k)
alphamale Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 So I then googled (porn addiction), and YEP! There was your picture, alphamale :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: (j/k) ah ha HaAAH HAaH ahah ahHaha hAHahhAhAah AaHahhh hAHHAHAH hA
kbah Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 OP- "Guest" I have had very personal experiences with a "hardcore" (pun intended) abuse of porn in my serious relationship. How has the progress been coming for you? Have you spoken to him about any of the advice that has been given yet? Let me know. I would love to help ya out.
whichwayisup Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 So I then googled (porn addiction), and YEP! There was your picture, alphamale :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: (j/k) ah ha HaAAH HAaH ahah ahHaha hAHahhAhAah AaHahhh hAHHAHAH hA I can hear you from here!
gig Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 Hi There, I completly understand you, when I was 20 and dating my now husband, I was over his apartment one time and he asked me to get a sweater out of the closet and when i looked up at the shelf i saw an open bag filled with porn books and videos. Oh I felt like I was going to die! I felt Betrayed and cheated on. Now He is 10 years older than me so i felt like I was not good enough for him. I got so upset I talked to him about it and he told me " oh all men do this at some point" He promissed me he wouldnt do it again. ever since I havent seen anything like that around. But I do definitely think that having a fake vagina is cheating! whats up with those sick men! how would he feel if you had a big huge penis and told him that you use it because it makes you feel much better than his real one! he would feel humiliated!!! Tell him turn the story around on him! You are way to young to put up with this disgusting attitude! what gonna happen when your 40?
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