johnnytable Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 Ya ya I know that it shouldn't, but maybe my situation is different. My gf of 1.5 years broke up with me a bit over two months ago. She has children and I was part of her family, becoming a parental figure, and we were going to move in together and get married. During the last 4+ months or our relationship she slowly pushed me out of her life and had her ex-husband move in with her while we were still together. Wow bummer there! She tried contacting me about a month ago to "hang out" but I respectfully turned her down. She got a bit pissed. Is this person crazy? We broke up, and look at those circumstances? Well, maybe she is a bit. She was abused as a child, and this came back in the form of PTSD when her sister was "date raped" by her sisters ex-husband. This caused my ex to have flashbacks and relive her experiences as a child. I don't know any details as they were supressed or she just didn't feel comfortable telling them to me (I know that she could talk to her ex about them though, but not to me). So essentially my ex was incredibly depressed and dealing with very difficult things. It was ruling her life and it was all she could think about. However, it is not an excuse for stringing me along, pushing me away, and having the ex move in with her. I want to be clear that the behavior is pretty much unacceptable no matter what the situation is. If she truely loved me, she could have come to me for support rather than what happened, or she could have cut me off much earlier. Ya ya easier said than done I know So on one hand I feel that I don't owe her anything, it was her choice to leave me, and that I just need to forget about it and get on with things. She can deal with her problems on her own. She had her chance with me. On the other hand, I have some compassion for what she is going through and I feel bad for not offering any support, even if it is just an email saying that I still think about what she is going through and hope that she gets better. But this might actually be a selfish thing to do? She had my support and she left. Maybe I'm wasting my time here? Do you see my dilemma? I need to move on, yet I feel bad for this aspect of this persons life. This is one of the few remaining things eating away at me.
norajane Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 She pushed you out of her life, moved her ex husband into her house, then broke up with you, and she's not asking for your support with her past-abuse issues. She didn't even want to talk about that much with you and is able to talk to her ex-husband, presumably the father of her children, whom she is with now. There is no room for you there. Move on.
Author johnnytable Posted August 5, 2006 Author Posted August 5, 2006 She pushed you out of her life, moved her ex husband into her house, then broke up with you, and she's not asking for your support with her past-abuse issues. She didn't even want to talk about that much with you and is able to talk to her ex-husband, presumably the father of her children, whom she is with now. There is no room for you there. Move on. Ya, I kinda figured this out for myself while just taking a shower It is a good thinking place!
In Sync Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 Ya ya I know that it shouldn't, but maybe my situation is different. My gf of 1.5 years broke up with me a bit over two months ago. She has children and I was part of her family, becoming a parental figure, and we were going to move in together and get married. During the last 4+ months or our relationship she slowly pushed me out of her life and had her ex-husband move in with her while we were still together. Wow bummer there! She tried contacting me about a month ago to "hang out" but I respectfully turned her down. She got a bit pissed. Is this person crazy? We broke up, and look at those circumstances? Well, maybe she is a bit. She was abused as a child, and this came back in the form of PTSD when her sister was "date raped" by her sisters ex-husband. This caused my ex to have flashbacks and relive her experiences as a child. I don't know any details as they were supressed or she just didn't feel comfortable telling them to me (I know that she could talk to her ex about them though, but not to me). So essentially my ex was incredibly depressed and dealing with very difficult things. It was ruling her life and it was all she could think about. However, it is not an excuse for stringing me along, pushing me away, and having the ex move in with her. I want to be clear that the behavior is pretty much unacceptable no matter what the situation is. If she truely loved me, she could have come to me for support rather than what happened, or she could have cut me off much earlier. Ya ya easier said than done I know So on one hand I feel that I don't owe her anything, it was her choice to leave me, and that I just need to forget about it and get on with things. She can deal with her problems on her own. She had her chance with me. On the other hand, I have some compassion for what she is going through and I feel bad for not offering any support, even if it is just an email saying that I still think about what she is going through and hope that she gets better. But this might actually be a selfish thing to do? She had my support and she left. Maybe I'm wasting my time here? Do you see my dilemma? I need to move on, yet I feel bad for this aspect of this persons life. This is one of the few remaining things eating away at me. Of course you have feelings for your ex. If would be wonderful if we all came from picture perfect Norman Rockwell backgrounds but the reality is we don't. I'm sorry that your ex or anyone experienced any sort of abuse in their past. You became emotionally involved with her and all parts of her, so in essence you carried her pain...it is why we all want to contact our ex's to some degree I think because we shared their stories as much as our own. When I encourage NC or maintaining it, it's not out of malice but a means of separating and distancing ourself from those intense emotions that are still on going, despite the breakup. She made her choice out of what she was comfortable with. Even if you were there for her, maybe she was simply more comfortable with what she was used to (that being her ex) In your heat you know you care for her but conatcting her to let her know you want to support her could mess you both up mentally...you are not going to forget her in the snap of tje finger just because she decided not to stay with you. Allow this relationship to fade gradually from your heart and be proud of yourself that you hold compassion for her still.
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