JohnHesse Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 So my ex-gf broke up with me about 3 months ago, i made the usual mistakes of telling her i was going to change, and then instituted no contact for about a month. she contacts me before her birthday to see how ive been, of course stupidly, i contact her back which startes about a month of back and forth sporodic emails and occasional calls mostly instigated by me. finally, i ask her if she is seeing someone new - she tells me she is, and its someone i kind of know, a friend of hers. i was fine until this, thought i was moving on, but after i find out, i ask her for a second chance date. of course she says no, and that i need to move on. Why did i do this? Of course, i was harboring hopes of reconcilation, and maybe by not asking her about her dating life, i was ignorant in my bliss. - I feel like im back where i started, feeling like we broke up all over again. The only concilation, is that i finally realize she's not good for me, i've known this for a while, but the feeling i get from being around her just made me override my logical side. Point is, even if i know no contact is the rule and the best way, if there is any contact from my ex - i still jumped at the chance because of hopes of reconciling - now i realize its just the usual they want to be friends with you but don't want to be with you. man - this sucks.
leopardprint Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 John, I'm fearing the same thing with my recent break up. I'm scared of that day he might break NC just to say hi, and then I find out, he is with someone new. I think sometimes ex's do that, because it's their safety net; they believe if the dumpee knows they're with someone new, they won't try expect any type of a relationship. My "ex" told me time and time again he's not looking for anyone new, and he doesn't think he's ready to be in any relationship, but the truth is, whether your the dumper or dumpee, you never know when someone new will just walk into your life and change your perpectives on things. In all honesty, I wouldn't blame yourself too much. This happens to the best of us. I think I would have expected the same as you; hopes and reconcilations, a new start with the ex we once loved, etc. I think that proves that although we sometimes believe we've moved on, deep down inside, we still need time and time to heal. Sometimes you don't realize it, but when you REALLY, truly love someone, it takes a long time to heal. I think the more you loved someone, the more the breakup is going to hurt and the longer it's going to take to heal and move on. Well, that's from my own personal experience, so I'm not talking for everyone. It sucks feeling like you're broken all over again. I've been there before, so I know how you feel.
Free_To_fly Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 I would try explaining to your ex your true feelings and letting her know that by contacting you that she is interfering in your process of getting over her... tell her there is no ill will but to please just leave you be until you are ok with being her friend. Tell her that at that time if you see fit you will contact her. If she really values establishing a friends only relationship then she will respect the time you need... My heart goes out to you... it does suck to long for someone you cant have... but keep focused on the fact that time heals all wounds.
MrPot Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 Stop answering the phone. It's just that simple. Any time she attempts to contact you, just remind yourself that you CAN'T. If you run into her somewhere, act like you don't even notice her, and politely excuse yourself. I'm not saying it's easy, but it is simple.
burning 4 revenge Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 I know NC is'nt for some people, but it all depends on the individuals and the circumstances. Continuing contact with a certain x-gf has caused me more pain than I can possibly express and I wish to God I stuck by NC.
Author JohnHesse Posted August 5, 2006 Author Posted August 5, 2006 I'm going to a party next week that she will be at, i am getting really nervous about it. Its with alot of people i work with, and that she used to work with. mutual friends. it will be awkward for me because i was the dumpee and she has had such a easier time moving ahead, while i'm still dealing with closure. any advice on how to handle the situation? i really want to enjoy my time at the party...
Returning Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 Hmmm..party...difficult one. 1. Dont get drunk 2. Prepare to see her escorted by someone else. 3. Avoid the temptation to speak with her apart from briefly saying hello, being polite, using good manners. 4. Don't spoil the party by having a long face. 5. If you feel below par because of her prescence stay as long as you need to then get from there. 6. Try and ignore her prescence and have a good time. Read this thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=56954
Author JohnHesse Posted August 6, 2006 Author Posted August 6, 2006 i just really get hung up on the fact that its so easy for her to move on....not surprising since that's her past, whenever she gets over one bfriend, she uses someone she already knows or just goes out and find someone new that is different (or she thinks) is better then her ex, or at least does not have the same specific traits she dislikes. i just always think i can work through it with someone, and always believe we can work it out...she just moves on, and finds someone new with different problems. i wish it was so easy for me, but i just can't get into any old relationship just to rebound.
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