simplybrill Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 I have been in an LDR for a little more than a year, and I have a bit of a predicament. My hubby lives in the UK, I'm in the US. He wants to take a year off and travel, which he assures me a lot of people do, after they graduate. My only problem with it is: I can't afford to go with him, and I dont think he understands how his year traveling could hurt our relationship. He thinks its silly that I have financial responsibilities that tie me to the U.S. when that's just how life is for me right now. I cant exactly give my car back to the dealership, say sayonara to my student loans, or my credit card payment. I guess im just confused about the situation, and Im wondering how to bring up what Im trying to say without starting a fight. All advice is greatly appreciated!
Alexandra Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 Married or just calling him "hubby"? It may seem irrelevant but I think it may actually matter quite a bit. If it is only a relationship the joint decisions part isn't as set in stone as it should be in a marriage... How long have you been together for? What are your plans for being together? Was there at any point an agreement for him or you to move once he graduated and has he changed that for his travelling plan? Is it about this instance only or have you been feeling reluctant to disagree with him and express your opinion at other times too? Without knowing those it's hard to give advice however you probably need to brace yourself for two things. A. A straight forward talk where you express your concerns and talk about your notion of responsability. There are ways to express anything in a non-confrontational manner with enough exercise and preparation. And B. Some serious thinking about where you want your relationship headed and what are the boundaries you both want to abide by (e.g. how the making of joint decisions works, what your personal and common stance on marriage/ltr is, etc) Let us know.
confusedgeek Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 I guess "somewhat" similiar situation. Although youre way far ahead than I am. Mine has been 8+ months at this point since its august. We've discussed marriaged, although, we have still yet to meet each other. She wants to get married before X amount of years. I told her we haven't even met yet. So, could we see how it goes. It's almost there. Ill be able to see her in a little over 3 months now. =) Reason I couldnt see her as often as I like is because I'm in the US and she's on the other side of the global. It's super expensive. And Id be seriously broke with flights costing $1000 per trip, not including hotel + food expenses. I've brought up with her that Im not a rich person. Heck, Im not even the lower middle class bracket economically. I don't this financial responsibilities are something to laugh at. These things do keep a person down. Because they have to be paid off or I (you) risk losing things that we consider important to ourselves. But I also dont understand why travelling would hurt the relationship though. You've been together for a long period of time already. It's not you have to go with him on his travels. You could go with him on some of his travels without breaking the bank. Although, knowing that my girlfriend who is having fun without me there would make me feel a little jealous. Because she's having fun and im not there being with her. But if she wants to do it, Im not going to stop her. It's what she wants to do, if she does it. Well I have to run. Im on a time schedule right now. Good luck and Ill be watching this post. - ConfusedGeek
Author simplybrill Posted August 9, 2006 Author Posted August 9, 2006 We've been together for 2 years now, if you want to call it that. We were actually in the same place and dating like normal for a little over 6 months. I call him hubby, but we're not married, I guess I should call him my boyfriend, then. There was no concrete plan for either one of us to move once he graduated. We decided that he should come here after I graduate, because he's got less financial ties, and more mobility right now than I do! We keep running ourselves into brick walls trying to figure out how we can be together, but unless we get married (we're only 23), or he decides to go to grad school (which he doesnt want to do) then we can't be together. He gets really frustrated about always having to think up ways for us to be together, and I try to come up with things too, but it just doesnt seem like it's going to work, because of VISA issues. It's easier for me to get into his country, but I can't go because I have financial responsibilities here. It's harder for him to come into the US, but he's got no financial responsibilities holding him back. I dont know what to do anymore. I feel like everything's just falling apart and we can't do anything about it.
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