Married for 6 yrs and I have a HUGE crush on someone else

[lovelylady1234]

I have been married for 6 years, we've been together for 12. I met him when I was 16. Our marriage has been a little rocky lately but I am commited to working it out. However,I recently started a hobby and one of the guys I meet with once a week has my attention (to say the least). He's younger and single. Problem is I can't stop thinking about him, morning, noon, and night. I find myself unable to concentrate on anything. I talk to him on the phone sometimes but it hasn't gone any further. I want to touch him or kiss him or something and I can't do it. I feel either he will freak out or I will. He knows I am married, but I don't know how he feels about that. I never talk about my hubby to him and he never asks. I don't want a relationship, but it's like an itch that will not go away, and I do not want to give up my hobby. My crush is really hard to read, I am not sure if he is into me or not. But this is seriously affecting my life, both work and personal. I find myself searching for ways to spend time with him, but I am runnig out of ideas before I look really desperate. What in the world do I do? Do I tell him (i don't want to ruin a friendship), do I scratch the itch so it'll go away? HELP!

[whichwayisup]

Don't act upon it. Focus that energy into your husband and marriage.

 

If you don't, you'll end up possibly doing something really stupid and hurting your husband badly. Is a crush worth giving up your marriage for? Your home, your lifestyle, extended family...

 

Go read some threads in the infidelity section and see how betrayed spouses react when they find out the ONE person who is supposed to stay loyal -Cheats.

 

Do you want to do this to your husband??

 

Your ego and lust are leading you into dangerous territory. You have to stop the feelings NOW otherwise you'll regret it.

[lovelylady1234]

not that this changes anything in my first post, but my husband is depressed and, as a result verbally abusive. While he's trying to figure himself out (which he is resistant to), I started having this crush. I don't want to hurt my husband, there are consequences either way. I am just trying to figure out how to function again without my mind running wild. Maybe I could have harmless flirtation and that will quell the intrigue. It almost seems like a game to me, How can I get guys to notice me? It's been a long time since I felt "sexy".

I almost feel like if I just kissed him (the crush) it would help fight the urge to want what I can't have. Am I the only person who has ever felt this way? I feel like two different people.

[JackJack]

Have you mentioned going to counesling with your husband? He probably needs some help dealing with his depression and being verbally abusive and the marriage as a whole. If you really want things to work with your husband, I say cut all contact with this other guy. Pick up a new hobby, that doesn't involve him. A third party such as another man is never good to have when one is trying to work on their marriage, it just clouds peoples judgements.

[whichwayisup]

Is your husband seeing someone or on meds for his depression? Going without treatment is just going to make his depression worse.

 

I understand how rough it is, dealing with a depressed spouse. Google depression fallout - That may help you when it comes to dealing with him and his depression...

 

JJ is right, turning to another man because you're unhappy at home isn't a good idea - It can only lead to more...And that won't be good for the marriage.

 

Re-read your original post again. Take a step back and be objective...You'll see how you have worded things, and notice that it's not just a crush. A crush is something innocent and one can enjoy, not meaning anything, or affecting your life so much...But, with you, it's taking over and he's in your thoughts way too often.

 

You DO have control over your own thoughts, so just don't let it feed and grow.

[lovelylady1234]

I know that this is all much deeper than it seems, I am in therapy and my therapist says based upon everything going on in my marriage, I am "ripe" for an affair. She said it's only a matter of time. I have asked him to go to counseling and he said that's the beginning of the end, but that he would go. We did therapy before and it ended up badly b/c it was my personal therapist (which I found out later, from my new therapist, is a no no). He said he felt attacked. In January we were talking about having kids, now all of a sudden he's talking about moving out. He doesn't support my hobby and it's something I have been wanting to pursue for a long time. (hobby is the wrong word... more like life long dream).

Bottom line is...I'm in big trouble and feel like a fish out of water. Any advice would be helpful.

[holding on]

dont be an ass! your husband is the most important thing in you life. don't throw it away for some cuite guy that you don't even know that much about. instead of thinking about him think about how to fix the rocky marrige. No offence but it's people like you that make married people with problems look like idots. FIX WHATS WRONG AT HOME!!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest]

I'd be on the hunt for yet another new therapist if I were you. She has basically given you permission to cheat on your hubby by telling you you are "ripe" for an affair and that it is "only a matter of time." You need a therapist who will help you stand by your values, not help you give in to your needy impulses. You could get that from a bartender.

[JadeStar]

I know that this is all much deeper than it seems, I am in therapy and my therapist says based upon everything going on in my marriage, I am "ripe" for an affair. She said it's only a matter of time. I have asked him to go to counseling and he said that's the beginning of the end, but that he would go. We did therapy before and it ended up badly b/c it was my personal therapist (which I found out later, from my new therapist, is a no no). He said he felt attacked. In January we were talking about having kids, now all of a sudden he's talking about moving out. He doesn't support my hobby and it's something I have been wanting to pursue for a long time. (hobby is the wrong word... more like life long dream).

Bottom line is...I'm in big trouble and feel like a fish out of water. Any advice would be helpful.

 

You have been given some advice. The first thing to do is not see this other guy anymore. He needs to be cut out of the equation completely. I think what your thearpist meant by you being "ripe" for an affair was, shes just saying because your marriage is not going well right now, you are vulnerable for something to happen. You need to try to find another counselor. There are some good ones out there, you just have to try to find one. Also, no matter what kind of counselor you have, the real work has to come from you and your husband. A counselor can be there to guide you, give you advice etc, but you all have to be willing to put forth the extra effort to save your marriage. It takes two though, if only one is into trying to save it and the other one is not, then it wont work.

 

 

 

Jade