Author burning 4 revenge Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 What about no legs and only 30 minutes away? Or how about no limbs at all but only 1 mile away? Well, all else being equal, I'd rather go 30 minutes for no legs than one mile for no limbs.
alphamale Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Well, all else being equal, I'd rather go 30 minutes for no legs than one mile for no limbs. yah i guess that makes sense...it would be hard for her to cook dinner for you without any arms.
Author burning 4 revenge Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 yah i guess that makes sense...it would be hard for her to cook dinner for you without any arms. And even if the chick with no legs could'nt cook, at least if we went out I wouldn't have to feed her
Ripples Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Wow! I'm quite surprised by some of the assumptions made in this thread. Just to put a few things straight. Some of these have already been mentioned by others, but I'll reiterate: 1. Disabled people are not disabled as a result of their impairments but because of the way society is organised. For example, failure to make public services (e.g. education, retail) physically accessible and failure to remove the barriers of assumption and prejudice. 2. Disabled people are people, they are not more likely than non-disabled people to be understanding of someone else's impairment just because they have one. 3. In my experience, 'good looking' disabled people get hit on just as much as when they were non-disabled [if they incurred their impairment, obviously no way to evaluate this for a disabled person who's impairment is from birth]. If you feel that you could hit on a woman who, if was non-disabled, would be out of your league, she probably still is. 4. Any emotional or mental issue a disabled person may have is very likely to not stem from the fact that they are disabled, they would most likely have those issues even if they were non-disabled. To put this into context, I have incomplete paraplegia (wheelchair/crutches post RTA 15 years, level T8 SCI, internal fixation of left femur, etc. etc. etc.). I have never had a problem pre- or post- RTA having a partner. And I don't *do* crips
Author burning 4 revenge Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 2. Disabled people are people, they are not more likely than non-disabled people to be understanding of someone else's impairment just because they have one. I'm sure that's the case with many people. As you say, people are people. But if that was always the case why even have disabled dating sites? Is it not so that people who face physical challenges can look for other people who face physical challenges and therefore may be forgiving of certain imperfections? If that isn't the point, then I don't see what the point is. You face certain circumstances. And you don't "do" crips. I'm sure you don't "do" impotents either. That doesn't mean I don't have the right to ask questions when faced with certain circumstances myself.
Ripples Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 I'm not totally sure why there are dating sites specifically for disabled people. Maybe for the same reason that there are dating sites for other minorities, a commonality. However, that common ground doesn't necessarily equal understanding. For example, I only really have an understanding of other people with incomplete SCI's and even then, only a superficial understanding because every injury, and every person, is completely individual and unique - just like non-disabled people. Or maybe it's because, especially newly, disabled people feel that non-disabled people make too many assumptions to date them. Of course you have the right to ask your question, I'm not querying that. However, I am querying the fact you would have those particular questions in the first place. Yours and other's posts appear to indicate that inaccurate assumptions still exist in a world where prejudice, assumptions, stereotypes are now challenged. Edit: because I've not woken up yet!
Author burning 4 revenge Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 Well, I have a dark an insensitive sense of humor and to be honest I'm not even sure why I wrote the question about hot women in wheelchairs. I don't really operate on the assumption that they would be any more available than if they were not in that situation. If that post offended you, I honestly apologize. My question about disabled dating sites was earnest though. Maybe RP's suggestion was best and I have found an asexual dating site, but I don't really feel comfortable with it. Most of those women have a psychological aversion to sex that I really can't relate to. I was just hoping that I could be open about a physical problem with other people who face physical challenges since it is something that has a huge impact on a relationship. I would really value your opinion on this. For one thing you live in Oxford and I know better than to make assumptions, but you are probably very well educated and sophisticated. For another, you face a physical challenge yourself, albeit a very different one. So my question is....what do you think is the most appropriate thing for me to do?
Ripples Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Well, many thanks for your apology, I guess I *was* slightly irritated about the perceived assumption behind the comment. Another of my failings is lack of tolerance at times As for being well-educated and sophisticated, the compliment is very welcome, even if it *is* another assumption - No pleasing some people, hey? My thoughts on the matter (although worth no more than anyone else's - honestly), are that you should date exactly as if you had no physical 'issue' at all. Let the fact of your 'mechanical problem' unfold naturally. It's personal, it's private and, frankly, not just anyone deserves to know. Maybe your ex (?)( Gigi?) was a factor in this being a bigger problem than it actually is. If a woman has a problem with something that her SO has no control over, then even if you were more usual, she's going to have a problem with something else, you'd never please her. And remember that any impairment is only a problem if you think it is. Attitude is everything.
lindya Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 I'm not totally sure why there are dating sites specifically for disabled people. Maybe for the same reason that there are dating sites for other minorities, a commonality. However, that common ground doesn't necessarily equal understanding. For example, I only really have an understanding of other people with incomplete SCI's and even then, only a superficial understanding because every injury, and every person, is completely individual and unique - just like non-disabled people. Or maybe it's because, especially newly, disabled people feel that non-disabled people make too many assumptions to date them. Those all sound like pretty likely reasons for the existence of those dating sites, Ripples. I would imagine that a newly disabled person might, as you suggest, be fearful of other people's assumptions. I'm sure that the last thing someone coming to terms with a major lifestyle change needs involves potential dating partners expressing discomfort with their condition. Perhaps a specialist dating site would be useful in protecting people from that until they've adjusted sufficiently to challenge prejudicial approaches with confidence and poise, as you do.
Ripples Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Lindya, that's a huge compliment. Errr, I'm a complete cow really
lindya Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 Lindya, that's a huge compliment. Errr, I'm a complete cow really The self-effacing statement of many a woman who dares to say what she thinks. Now...let me take a look at this "when did men stop being men" thread. Or perhaps not. It's been one of those days, and I'm not sure I need added irritation to help me be a bitch today
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