Struggle Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 I am new to the site after searching "ex boyfriend getting married" I was at a loss of thoughts tonight, and was hoping to find a site with advice. My ex boyfriend (we have been broken up for 4 years, only dated for 2 years) is getting married tomorrow. I have been sick since I found out about a week or so ago. He is marrying this girl and planning on living in the city we planned on moving to, they even are talking about the same type of home we wanted to build, kids etc. He is living our dream with her. I go from feeling sick, to angry, to almost emotionless, to bursting out in tears. I dread going to bed for fear of when I awake in the morning it will be "their wedding day" It was a terrible break up and he left me because his mother made him make a choice, me or the family. I wasn't willing to convert to their religion and she knew she would eventually end up losing her control on him. The day she called to tell me he made his choice, was the last I ever heard from his family, I'd run into him while we were attending the same college and he'd not even look my way. I know I should be glad I'm of of that relationship, but I am just at a loss of thoughts, he is getting married tomorrow....................
loveinlife Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 Sorry Struggle, it must be hard for you to go through this situation. i can understand your pain. I like to welcome you to this site, i am a new user also. LS is about helping people. You may not agree with all of us, but we give advices from our hearts. I hope you will get better soon from this situation and dont allow it to consume you. It'll only make it worst. Best wishes!
LaraV Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 Struggle - how did you find out about his wedding? And in all these years did you keep in touch with him?
Author Struggle Posted August 4, 2006 Author Posted August 4, 2006 we still have mutual friends that is how I found out. We haven't spoken a word in all these years.
Brittjean06 Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 Its been a year since my break up and my first love is now getting married to his one year girlfriend,when I found that out the other day it hurt but didn't surprise me, I know I desearved better. Today I feel kind of the haziness of a heartbreak and I think its because I let my self get like this after a year. There is nothing you can do about their marrige. I am really sorry I know how crap feels but Its been 4 years right? Well I know the healing process can take really long but did you stay in contact with him for that long?? I guess the difference is I haven't talked to my ex in a year so Im at ease with it.
a4a Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 we still have mutual friends that is how I found out. We haven't spoken a word in all these years. I am very curious about this as I was on the flip side.... My H's X apparently took our marriage very hard. So hard that she came out of the woodwork over 15 years later . After all these years why does it bother you? Were you in some way hoping you could still be with your X? If you had a spouse would it bother you so much? And Brit...... you said you were going to stop posting about your X for awhile didn't you?
Brittjean06 Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 Yes but the stories are very similar, the way I have been stopping is by asking posting threads asking for advice.
a4a Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 Yes but the stories are very similar, the way I have been stopping is by asking posting threads asking for advice. I guess I am crazy but I don't see the difference
Brittjean06 Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 Well Marrige ring a bell? Maybe not very similar but let me post what I want to post because I'm not going to hide how I feel Thanks for trying to help with my own problem on getting through it by just not talking about it at all. I will ( for me of course ). Don't let this thread get off the subject of what this is really about ^
bluechocolate Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 He is living our dream with her. hmm... wrong. He is living HIS dream with his new wife. His aspirations & desires aren't necessarily going to change because he finds a new girlfriend. I go from feeling sick, to angry, to almost emotionless, to bursting out in tears. You have never gotten over this guy and after 4 years apart (twice the time you dated) I think you might want to consider some professional help here. And tell your mutual friends to stop talking about him and most definitely do not ask! The day she called to tell me he made his choice, was the last I ever heard from his family.......... What a wuss! In all honesty it sounds like you're better off without him anyway. His mother would forever have been a part of your relationship.
LaraV Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 Struggle - Have you dated others in the mean time? I don't mean this in any bad way, I guess I'm just trying to determine why it hurts so much after all this time, especially since you haven't spoken to him in all these years. Could it be that the news about his marriage kind of gave you a minor set back - as in, do you think the pain you're feeling now will dissipate in a few days or so, or are the emotions you're experiencing very intense? I guess I'm just perplexed because of the length of time appart, and I'm trying to piece together what exactly is causing you pain so as to better give you an opinion or advice.
Brittjean06 Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 Lets have more information on the Nc ? Cause he could always be living your dream with her. Even if so. After four years you should have grown some thick skin to this. Its not abnormal that you not be over someone after four years . I've heard many stories where the 10 year range was in there....What have you been doing these past four years. Dating? Or dwelling and having hope? Maybe seeking some help would be a great idea for you.
In Sync Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 I am new to the site after searching "ex boyfriend getting married" I was at a loss of thoughts tonight, and was hoping to find a site with advice. My ex boyfriend (we have been broken up for 4 years, only dated for 2 years) is getting married tomorrow. I have been sick since I found out about a week or so ago. He is marrying this girl and planning on living in the city we planned on moving to, they even are talking about the same type of home we wanted to build, kids etc. He is living our dream with her. I go from feeling sick, to angry, to almost emotionless, to bursting out in tears. I dread going to bed for fear of when I awake in the morning it will be "their wedding day" It was a terrible break up and he left me because his mother made him make a choice, me or the family. I wasn't willing to convert to their religion and she knew she would eventually end up losing her control on him. The day she called to tell me he made his choice, was the last I ever heard from his family, I'd run into him while we were attending the same college and he'd not even look my way. I know I should be glad I'm of of that relationship, but I am just at a loss of thoughts, he is getting married tomorrow.................... There is absolutely nothing wrong with the fact that this man is getting married. He's made his choice in a partner and how he wants to live his life. If he is happy it would be selfish not to be happy for him. There is something disturbing that after 4 years you have still tied your happiness and well being to this guy. Considering that he has not communicated with you since in the three or four years since your breakup. Until you see that's where the issue lays, you have committed yourself to this negative state. Seek help. This board is not a replacement for professional help. You will receive support and advice, but 4 years of not letting go ..something else is going on that needs to be dealt with.
loveinlife Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 4 years is a long time. I kinda found out that my ex wants to marry her current bf of only 7 months. N Sync has a good point about wishing him the best. I currently feel the same way about my ex, just mins b4 coming on this thread. We are all human and its okay to feel the way you do. The plan would be to go with the flow and enjoy life. There are somethings in life we can't change. Just accept it and let go.
Mollyanna Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 Struggle: Honey, i am there with ya. One of my Xs is getting married NEXT weekend. All it did was make my feeling of rejection come back. (this is the girl he cheated on me with). If I had a serious relationship right now, I don't think it would bother me as much though. That guy was my world and I never thought I would find anyone like him. And I didn't, but I did find someone BETTER. (OK, so it isn't working out so well either....but I realized there is more out there than X) Get out there and look. You will find someone different and someone better. ESPECIALLY as we mature, we are capable of having better relationships. Stop obsessing over one that sounds like it would have been a lot of work too many problems.
AriaIncognito Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 I dated a guy for 4 years, lived with him about 3 of those years. We had our final break up i think in June 2001 or something like that. He met his now wife in July of 2001. He and I were limited contact I suppose for a while post break up, but I dont think we were ever NC. He told me in December of 2001 that he was engaged to her. 5 months. He was with me 4 years, no ring, she gets it in 5 months. Needless to say, that sucked for me. However, I do have a point in all this rambling, he found his person. There was nothing I could do to change that. I had to accept it, and move on, and be happy for him as best I could. He even begged me to go to the wedding (the wedding occurred 2 years to the month we split - so June 2003). I didn't want to go, but I did, and you know what, I didn't cry. If anything, it served as a proof to myself that I had indeed gotten over him, even though I was slightly jealous that he moved on so fast and found his "one". I didn't even have a date to the wedding, I brought my best friend. I didn't have my first date post him until over a year following my exes wedding. We all need time to deal with our emotions over learning an ex is getting married, but maybe, just maybe see it for what it is. It's closure. He's moved on and marrying anyone. You will no longer harbor that hope. If you do, well, as others have mentioned, you might really want to seek counseling. There's no shame in it. I went for a short period of time while ending it with that 4 year relationship. I've even been considering it again for myself, just because I think there's some stuff up in my noggin that i need to sort through to be happy in life in general :-) Anyway, try to keep yourself busy tomorrow. Try not to dwell on what is occurring at his wedding. You and I will both find our princes someday, it just might mean kissing a lot of frogs... Jennifer
Author Struggle Posted August 7, 2006 Author Posted August 7, 2006 Thank you for sharing your story, I appreciate it. I went for help immediatly after the break up. Yes I have dated others, but then stopped, because I wanted to work on my MSN. Anyhow, I've known for awhile it was time to go back to talk to my therapist because of the set back.
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