fyup19 Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 Hi this is my first time ever posting on a forum so I do not really know how this system works. I won't make a long story out of it. It's about my sister's finace of 6 years and there's another woman whos' been going out with him for 2 months now, that woman is ME. There were several times in which both him and me wanted to go further, but I l left it at making out sessions. I chose not to sleep with him as that would have been unforgivable. However, there is a lot of chemistry going on between, he understand me better than anyone, even better than my sister. Now don't get me wrong, I do get along well with my sister and to her, I'm her best friend (unfortunately I just betrayed her), but I can't get him out of my mind. At some point I think I started to fall in love with him and he told me the same thing. Sometimes he tells me about the boring daily routines (they live together) and that he wants to take a short break or that sometimes he wishes to leave her. Thing is I find it hard to get him off my mind. Today I had ignored his calls, but still think of him. I'm planning to stop this but what if he keeps calling after I tell him this can't go on. He can kinda be stubborn b/c one time I told him how it would be if my sister found out. He assure him about not to worry a thing about it, that she'll never find out. Any suggestion on how to get him out of my mind. By the way if all you people are gonna say that I'm a horrible person and that my sister deserves to know or "How can you do that, put yourself in her shoes" ect. then don't write anything at all. No sarcastic comments by the way, I'm not here to be judge. As for telling my sister, NO, I'm not gonna tell her, she'll probably never forgive me, not even if it was only kissing.
whichwayisup Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 If you don't plan on telling your sister, the only way to live with yourself is NOT to let it happen anymore with her fiance. (Why have they been engaged for 6 years and not married yet? Sorry, just curious.) You are right, your sis finds out, chances are you'll lose her. And trust me, you have alot more to lose than this jerk of a fiance. One problem I see is, if he still wants you after you end it with him, he COULD tell her YOU made the moves on him...Just be aware of that, k. And, neither of you know if someone could have seen you two together. It's a chance not telling her...If she finds out from an outside source, life will change in a real bad way. How to get him out of your mind? Stop talking to him. Spend more with your sister...Don't put yourself IN a situation where you'll be alone with her guy. If he calls you, don't call him back. Avoid him whenever you can, obviously unless she's around. Don't trust his words. He's lying to her, so chances are he's lying to you. Who knows? Maybe he's got other women other than just you... One last thing - Take advice as it comes. You may not like what some say, and some words may be quite harsh but remember, the posters giving you advice have taken time to write their thoughts to you...Sometimes harsh and tough love advice is alot more helpful than hearing 'aww, I'm sorry that this is going on in your life...' You know inside what's what. I don't need to tell you that...Or make you feel worse than you already do, but with that being said, the right thing to do is not let anything more happen with him. Stay strong and keep busy. Even start dating other people! Be with your friends, have FUN. Those times he pops into your head, distract yourself. You have alot more control over yourself than you think...It's like breaking a habit! Do it cold turkey, suffer the short term pain, but all in all when enough time passes you will be stronger and not in pain anymore. Good luck.
theantibarbie23 Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 Your actions are frightening and destructive. If you have it in you to do this to your own flesh and blood, you need to get yourself professional help and find out why you would risk not only emotionally crushing your sister, but potentially ripping apart your entire family. This man is a selfish lowlife who would cheat on your sister in a nanosecond if given the opportunity. Is that really what you find attractive in a man? A liar and a cad who would mess around with his fiance's family members? Yuck, just yuck. I don't understand how you can even be attracted to this guy. If someone treated my sister with such a lack of respect, I would want his spleen on a stick. I hope your sister discovers that this man does not give a rat's arse about her before it's too late. It's horrible that she's already wasted six years of her life on someone who obviously has no love for her and may waste another six (if not more). I feel horrible for her.
kulyok Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 Write a list with his bad habits. Cheater, smoker, drinker, bad grammar, low income, sometimes verbally abusive, afraid to commit, can't handle a long relationship, doesn't do daily chores - everything you can think of. Read it aloud at least twice a day. In a few weeks, you'll be completely free of him. Soon, your reaction to him will be Yuck, just yuck. It's a really tough situation you got yourself into, and I wish you to get out as painlessly as possible.
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