Salesgirl Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Hi everyone, This is my first post here! I have met a guy at work that I really like, and was wondering if anyone could give me any insights. I have been very hurt in the past year by many guys and am very afraid now of relationships. Even LIKING someone right now is scaring me to death. I have tried to put a halt on liking anyone, but it's not working well. Anyhow, this guy has been very persistent in pursuing me and has seemed to like me ever since he started working with me. He always has done the light touching (touching arm when talking, just light touching where I knew he was interested), and also saying things in a roundabout way that made it seem like he was interested (asking what I did on Friday night, asking where I lived and saying that he lived near there, asking if there were any movies out that I wanted to see, but not actually ASKING me to the movie, etc.) We've always been flirting a little bit here and there. We don't work in the same building, but enough to definitely see each other every day several times. A couple weeks ago everyone from work went out to a bar, and he bought me a drink. He said that he went out because he knew that I was going to be there. There was another girl there who is pretty also but he wasn't flirting with her. He kept saying that he wanted to look at my phone to see how many boyfriends I had, and he asked if I was on match.com., etc. He gave me a kiss on the cheek, and the other girl said, "Oh, you give her a kiss on the cheek, but you don't give me one?" -- this is the same girl that weeks later, tells me that he has been asking her out constantly-- which I'm not sure that I believe----if he has been askign her out constantly, then that is a big red flag. But he has not flirted with her that I have seen, although he obviously could be doing it when I'm not around. But when we are all at the bar, he doesn't even really talk to her. People at work have been talking a lot and also I've heard from other people that he likes me and "has a thing for me." He told me that he is divorced and he has a 5 yr old. (I had seen pics of her on his desk-- so cute). He said that his ex-wife had slept with their neighbor. We were talking a little bit because I've been going through a divorce too and I told him that maybe I would get back together with my ex-h. He didn't seem to like that very much. He did tell me that he hasn't had a gf for four yrs, ever since the divorce, because he's either not had time with work and the daughter, or else because the feelings haven't been mutual, and he seemed excited that this time, feelings seemed mutual. He eventually asked if I liked him, and would consider going out with him on a date, to dinner or a movie or something. He had never asked this before, but it was after having a few drinks. I told him that maybe he's a womanizer, and so I didn't think that I would want to. (I had heard him a few weeks earlier saying to a co-worker that he had heard this other girl had broken up with her bf and he was wondering if she needed a shoulder to cry on), and I told him that I had heard that. I told him that he probably flirts with EVERYONE, and not just me. He asked me if I thought that he flirted with me, and I said, yes, you flirt with everyone I think. He denied being a womanizer, and I asked his friend (who is a manager at our company) if he is a womanizer and the manager said no, that he has known this guy since jr. high and he is definitely not a womanizer. But...?? So then a different night we were at the bar again and he was asking me if I would go out to dinner with him, and he said that he liked me, and if I didn't want to, he would leave me alone and not bother me anymore. I would only say "maybe" and "possibly" to which he was like, "Well, at least that's not a no...." Bu I didn't want to get screwed over again. He said, "Well, I think you might like me too, but you might be afraid to tell me." That was true, but yes, I am definitely afraid. We did end up hanging out later that night together and we had a blast. He kissed me in public a lot, which I liked, and even said that I was "lovable" when I told him that I often feel unlovable. Of course, he could have just been saying that. When he was trying to kiss me and stuff (in public), I kept pushing him away, though. He kept saying that he was so proud to be be seen out in public with me. (???!!!) Then Saturday night (the next night), he had someone come try to come get me, and they did end up coming to get me, but I didn't know it because they went to the wrong place. I didn't find this out until days later, from someone else (the manager-- his friend). We didn't discuss it. I think that he thought I just didn't show. I called him later and we didn't mention it, but he did apologize for us not hanging out that night. Then he told me to call him the next day, and I didn't. I thought that he had forgotten about ME because my ride from him never showed. Some stuff happened physically the night before but not sex, and then he was acting a little bit weird at work on Monday--but so was I-- I was trying to avoid him. I texted him and he said that he was trying to protect us because people from work had seen us at the bar and were now saying stuff about us, and also he didn't want us to hang out and then have something happen that I would later regret (sex). He did tell me that he is afraid to get into a relationship because he had a bad marriage/divorce with his ex (and they still fight about the kid), and also because I said that I might get back together with my ex-h. We also slept together a few weeks later, which made it sort of weird at work, and he and I both were sort of acting weird at work to each other after that. There is still major flirting going on at work, though. Last night I text messaged him and asked him if he still wanted to hang out, and he said that we'll talk soon, and that he has his daughter this weekend. I was just wondering what your opinions were on this situation??
laRubiaBonita Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 be careful ...... do not crap where you work......
Sand&Water Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Take it one day at a time. Progress slowly, and don't allow him to pressure you into anything you don't feel comfortable doing. Both of you, are still coming out of fresh relationships. The wounds are still fresh, so give it sometime. Whenever you are ready. And, please do try to contain the situation before it gets out of hand at work. Your ex-h + his past relationships (ex-wife) + work + your past relationships + daughter = a lot of responsibilities; ups and downs of reality.
lovestrucksweetie Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Here's what I think, I haven't been married or nothing but I can relate to your situation and I will tell you what I did and what I am doing now alright. I am 21 years old and I have only had 1 serious relationship(I am in my 2 now)however, the guy was a total d*ck and was the criminal kind of guy he had a little girl and still talked with the ex and he lied constantly and manipulated me and brainwashed me into thinking that his ex was not pregannt with his 2nd kid(i knew it was)anyways I cheated on him mid relationship then I went back and then we broke up he sexually assaulted me after he kidnapped me we were together for 2 years and ya so there's my bad history. My sweetheart right now, I met him off the internet(go figure) because I had a very hard time coping with all that stuff that happened with me and I figured I will talk to them on the net that way they can be as honest as they want and local too of course but we talked(make sure you talk serious and deep with him) and tell him why you don't trust or find it hard to commit to anything right now.........if he is for you he will listen and he will understand and give you some feedback on helping you deal with your problems.....but my new Philosophy on life is Why waste your time and energy on someone who isn't willing to do the same for you. Also, He isn't ANY of you EXES... so drop the history and the hurt that all the EXES have caused you and trust someone new....let him have the chance to love you and you give yourself the chance to love with your whole heart again too!!
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