kbloomfieldmi Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 I have been with my husband for 4 years, together for two, married for two. Out of the four years he has only made a deal out of my birthday twice. One year we went to Cedar Point and one year he suprised me by renting a boat and having my whole family waiting as a surprise. But for the past two years he hasn't did anything but give me a card. Last year I ended up planning and paying for my own birthday. I always make a big deal and go out of my way to make a special day for him on his birthday, so it really hurts my feelings that he doesn't do it back. And I tell him! Last year when he did nothing I told him it hurts my feelings that he doesn't care enough to give me one special day out of the year. That he has a whole year to plan something and he does nothing. I do our finances, he just gives me money each week and I pay all the bills, so this year he said " well I don't know what our finances are like, I assumed you would plan something." Well he oviously had a whole year to put aside money. And this past weekend he had sold something so he had an extra $350.00, he wanted to go up north and I really didn't want to go so I said it's my birthday weekend, he said no that next weekend. So I agreed to go up north, assuming he would have set aside something for my B-day. But yesterday all I got was a card and him telling me he spent all extra money up north! Am I crazy to be mad? Are all men like this? To me it shows that he doesn't care enough about me to give me a day. He knows it hurts my feelings but yet he still puts no effort! Its not like I want gifts or for him to spend alot of money, I just want to feel like he cares. He could make me something and cook me dinner, anything with effort!
laRubiaBonita Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 i would say Most men are NOT like this. maybe he just has NO idea what you want. why not make a list of things you want, we do this for every gift occasion at my house. or take the initiative and make your own reservations for a nice restaurant you want to go, tell him when, and then go. it may not be as romantic, but you have to compromise.
Darkwall Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Are all men like this? To me it shows that he doesn't care enough about me to give me a day. He knows it hurts my feelings but yet he still puts no effort! Its not like I want gifts or for him to spend alot of money, I just want to feel like he cares. He could make me something and cook me dinner, anything with effort! I know how you're feeling. You don't want fancy presents just the effort of showing he has been listening to your wishes or the effort to take the time to do something romantic. I know all too well. I think at this point in your relationship the relationship is taken for granted. He knows you love him and vice versa so he doesn't think he has to go all out or try to impress you. Some men, not all, become lazy and unimaginative in this dept. Let him know you want to feel surprised and that the ideas would feel more special if they came from him. i would say Most men are NOT like this. maybe he just has NO idea what you want. or take the initiative and make your own reservations for a nice restaurant you want to go, tell him when, and then go. it may not be as romantic, but you have to compromise. Sad, but true.
Darkwall Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Also... someone once told me... just because you went over the top for his birthday doesn't mean he has to do the same. Ooch, I know. But, do also look at it from this perspective.
lindya Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Also... someone once told me... just because you went over the top for his birthday doesn't mean he has to do the same. Ooch, I know. But, do also look at it from this perspective. Damn. That's really hard. I think instead of spending money on his birthday, you should keep it back and use it to treat yourself to a couple of days at a luxury spa for your next birthday. You can't force him to treat you, but you can certainly treat yourself...and under the circumstances, you won't need to feel a shred of guilt for doing so.
Darkwall Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Damn. That's really hard. I think instead of spending money on his birthday, you should keep it back and use it to treat yourself to a couple of days at a luxury spa for your next birthday. You can't force him to treat you, but you can certainly treat yourself...and under the circumstances, you won't need to feel a shred of guilt for doing so. ahha ha, I'll keep this in mind for my boyfriends next birthday when he's expecting a big party with everyone in the world invited. I'll just buy him whatever and see what HE'S got planned for HIS birthday. Although, if two people continue to play this kind of game what kind of a relationship would that be?
selenakitten Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 aww, sorry to hear that. My hubby always gets me something or take me out to eat. That is the least he could do is to take you out and not make u have to cook on your birthday! Happy Birthday BTW...
CrushedOrgans Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 i have a friend whose boyfriend does this. neither of them have a whole lot of money, but she always manages to find something for him on a special day, any day. he has money to buy gold or something on warcraft (not too familiar with the game, so maybe that's not quite right!) and he can buy pot, but when her birthday rolls around, he's broke. he really does nothing for her. she chooses to stay, so it's up to her, but very often i am thankful that he is not a part of my life. i guess my point is some people are just like this. i don't know if they change or not, but if you've talked to him about it, and it hasn't changed, you might have to find a different approach or just accept it. it sucks, i know.
Author kbloomfieldmi Posted August 3, 2006 Author Posted August 3, 2006 I didn't mean that just because I made a big deal for his birthday I expect him to. I don't go all out for his birthday so I get something back, I do it because I love him and I enjoy making him happy. What I was trying to say is I don't understand why he doesn't want to do the same for me? Am I wrong to think that when you love someone you want to make them happy. I just don't understand why, if he knows that doing nothing for my birthday just hurts my feelings, why he doesn't put more of an effort into it? We also have a 20month old son, the least he could have did was get a card, or even make a card from him. Am I crazy and getting upset for nothing?
Darkwall Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 What I was trying to say is I don't understand why he doesn't want to do the same for me? Sweety, I don't know why men just don't get it sometimes even when you spell it out for them. I'm sure it's not because he doesn't want to do the same but maybe because he just doesn't have the patience or ideas to do the whole birthday thing any more. Look at it this way, he has done right by you on your bday before so he's quite capable. I think he might need some reminding of how important this day is to you. I too wish you a happy birthday.
superconductor Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Some guys are just plain unsentimental about birthdays and the like. It's got nothing to do about how much he loves you; it's just not his "thing" to mark birthdays in any special way. While I don't think you're crazy and getting upset over nothing, I do think that your expecations are what's causing you the grief. For me personally, I don't really care for birthdays one way or the other, mine or anyone elses. I'm just one of those unsentimental types. When I'm in a relationship (I'm not at the moment, by choice) I find that it's not the marking of special occasions that makes much of a difference; rather, it's the everyday things that keep a relationship moving forward. And if your relationship is positive, but there's just this one thing that bothers you, I humbly suggest that you've got it pretty good.
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