skylight Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Thank you for all your replies and advice. It has been difficult because he is good in every other way, seems committed to me and wants to get married and said he will do a lot of work on the house (although now he seems to have stopped this because he thinks I am only looking after myself! He also has the Child Support Agency on his back, which isn't his fault though and I we were threatened with bailiffs because of a mix up that was the CSA's fault. However this debt/asking to remortgage business has put a damper on the relationship and I am so sick of him not having any spare money and his over-optimism about how much he will be able to earn in the future through his business (part of the debt is attributed to his business) I wouldn't personally ask anybody to do this for me and afterall, he had set up the business before I met him, it wasn't a joint venture! I said he would have to sort out his debts another way and if the business is not doing well to get a salaried job, at least I have given him a roof over his head and will support him as much as I can.....but still a bit p...d off about the whole thing I think he is asking too much.
laRubiaBonita Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 if you decide to do this.... DO get him to sign some legal cantract, with clear consequences of failure on his part to uphold whatever...... a contract for marriage? seems a little desperate..... IMO~ i think he is playing you...... AND please do not read this as he does not love you... i dunno, he may, and thats great, but i think he is asking way to much of you, and it sound like if you do not agree he may drop you.
superconductor Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 if you decide to do this.... DO get him to sign some legal cantract, with clear consequences of failure on his part to uphold whatever... Agreed. Something like a prenup, where regardless of the consequences, you get to keep what's yours, from bank accounts to investments to furniture & cutlery. If he resists, then obviously he loves you only with financial conditions attached. Not the best foundation for a partnership, IMHO.
EnigmaXOXO Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Married or not … prenup or not … you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip. She won't get to keep her house once his name is on the title. If they can't make the mortgage payments to the bank … she may be forced to sell the property. After the bank takes out what is still owed to them … she'll have to split whatever is left over (if anything) with her co-owner. Regardless of how much money he's attributed thus far. What you are acquiring is SHARED DEPT. My home was already paid in full when my current partner moved in. He was gainfully employed and had an excellent credit record that never faltered for two years we lived together and shared expenses. (We've now been together for six) He also owned a condo which he rented than later sold. The difference between our situation and yours is that my partner proved over time to be as financially responsible as I was. Not in our wildest imaginations could we ever imagine asking to borrow money from one another. Because my partner had already invested money, time, labor and sweat equity in our house … I offered to sell him half as a way to provide him with his only tax deduction. Because his credit record was spotless, and he was feasibly able to cover his OWN loan payments … the bank was happy to lend him the money. He then paid me cash (in full) which I reserve in a high interest account in the event something should happen and I need to buy his half back out. He has also made me beneficiary on his life insurance policy (only for the duration of the loan) in the event something should happen and he can no longer make payments. This way … his dept is already covered without risking any additional financial burden on me. In addition, we also have a "Right of Survivorship" clause written in our new contract which means the house would immediately become his or my sole property in the event of our deaths. This way, our half of the equity wouldn't be inherited by our closest surviving relative. (In other words … he doesn't have to worry about sharing ownership of our house with my daughter in the event of my death.) Love or not … you have to be sooooo careful when you enter into financial entanglements with a second party. Especially when its YOUR financial safety and well-being on the line. You have to go into with ALL the facts and talk to lawyers and real-estate attorneys to get a healthy grasp of the very REAL risks involved. And then cover all your bases to insure that your partner is protected. And since this guy doesn't seem to place your safety above his own wants and needs, he sounds like a bad risk.
Recommended Posts