Why woman leave men

[thekhris]

When a woman leaves a man, it's always because of one

single reason - a lack of attraction.

 

It's not because she has found a new man. It's not

because she doesn't trust her boyfriend or husband anymore.

It's not because she thinks he is "too good for her."

 

These are all EXCUSES that women use. The REAL reason

for any woman to breakup with her lover is due to a LACK of

ATTRACTION. Always.

 

I want you to imagine a balance scale in front of you.

On one side is whatever problem your relationship is facing.

On the other side is a woman's attraction for you. If the

attraction is greater than the negative forces, she'll stay

with you. Otherwise, she's leave you in a heartbeat. It's

as simple as that.

 

Using this model, you can see how attraction is ALWAYS

the underlying force that makes or breaks a relationship. If

the attraction is high...

 

1) She won't leave you because you've made a tiny

mistake. ("Mistakes" are just "excuses" for a woman to

breakup with a man!) Even if you do make a mistake, if

the attraction is great enough, she will forgive you.

 

2) She won't think you're "too good for her."

 

3) She won't choose her family, culture, or religion

over you.

 

4) She won't fight with you everyday.

 

And the list goes on and on...

 

In short, if the attraction is strong, the

chances of a woman staying in a relationship with you will

be MUCH higher. Heck, if she likes you enough, you won't be

able to pry her off with a crowbar. This is EXCATLY why

most men are DEAD WRONG when it comes to fixing their

relationships. They fight and beg and promise to "change

themselves"...when the women they love is really NOT leaving

them JUST because of whatever problem the relationship is

facing...but because of a lack of attraction.

 

Let's put it this way:

 

The "reasons" for the breakup are merely the

"symptoms"...the UNDERLYING cause is ALWAYS a lack of

attraction, get it?

 

So...how do you keep the attraction high?

[Outcast]

Please explain the research you used to arrive at this conclusion. And please define 'lack of attraction'.

[beach]

I think you are dead wrong with this perspective...

 

I am a perfect example! My cheating husband was one of the most attractive men I ever saw... I think he thought I would never dare leave him...

 

I did! I don't care what someone looks like... when they are mean and nasty NOTHING can make them appear attractive at that point. Everything about them becomes extremely UGLY!

 

The attraction was always so strong, but when I found out how much he had been hurting me, that was it... no more!

[Darkwall]

[quote=thekhrisWhen a woman leaves a man, it's always because of one

single reason - a lack of attraction.

 

These are all EXCUSES that women use. The REAL reason

for any woman to breakup with her lover is due to a LACK of

ATTRACTION. Always.QUOTE]

 

Either you're completely out to lunch or you're just trying to get a reaction from women. That's it, isn't it? You can't possibly believe the BS you just said.

 

Iv'e dated extremely attractive men in the past, so attractive in fact I would classify them as HOT. Memo to you.. I broke up with them because of typical relationship problems. Lack of communication, lack of a connection etc, etc. So you see, even though he/they were so HOT... that wasn't enough for me.

 

It's the men that were not as HOT looking that have been my successful relationships. Stop trying to make women out to be superficial, when in fact you probably are and wish you looked like some male model.

 

News flash... male models experience break ups as well. So I guess their looks weren't enough. See my point?

[laRubiaBonita]

When a woman leaves a man, it's always because of one

single reason - a lack of attraction.

 

 

The "reasons" for the breakup are merely the

"symptoms"...the UNDERLYING cause is ALWAYS a lack of

attraction, get it?

 

So...how do you keep the attraction high?

 

WELL.... the reason i left was his cheating tendancies.

[superconductor]

I think the OP means that "attraction" isn't just physical; it's also emotional, spiritual, financial, etc. etc.

 

The best looking guy on the planet is going to have trouble now and again in relationships. That's a given, it's just a fact of life.

 

But they guy who's plain, but who makes honest attempts to keep the long list of attractors on top of mind will have better luck than most in relationships.

 

That doesn't mean that he has to be the consistent submissive in the relationship. Far from it. But it does mean that an effort is required.

[RecordProducer]

Thekhris, I think that was a very good post.

 

People often get disappointed in their partners when they get to know them better (to the other posters - obviously he didn't mean physical attraction, because that doesn't change over night and nobody leaves anyone only because they simply want someone new or better-looking).

 

Anything from neglect to disrespect, from tough character to being a schmuck, from lack of good sex to lack of affection or understanding can kill the attraction in a woman's eyes.

 

I was very much in love with my first boyfriend when I was 16. As years went by, I realized that he was stupid, stubborn, selfish, uneducated, ignorant, materialistic, low-class loser. Six years later I dumped him. The face that seemed so gorgeous to me at the beginning now grosses me out (we broke up 10 years ago). Even nowadays, people who remind me of him gross me out.

 

Same with men.

 

Anyway, about trying to work things out, I agree that in the dating phase, if things are upside-down, there's probably no point in changing a whole lot of traits just to fit in someone's perception of what's better for them.

 

However, when it comes to marriages, I disagree that you can never achieve anything by trying to resolve the issues. Very often, a little bit of effort can restart the flame. Besides, throughout years of a relationship, you can't always be equally attracted to your partner. Sometimes they seem like a boring oyster sleeping in their shell; sometimes they are cheerful and energetic. Sometimes they are crabby and moody; sometimes they shower you with affection...

 

IMHO, the most important thing is to acknowledge the complex mechanism of interaction and the spiral effect of our behavior. We have to be fully aware that everything we do has impact on our partner. It's easier to change ourselves than someone else. Living with someone is complicated, but we can make it easier... or complicate it even more.

[burning 4 revenge]

nobody leaves anyone only because they simply want someone new or better-looking).

:lmao::lmao:

[Guest]

Go read the commitment threads.....

 

I left my man because I wanted to move to the next phase of our relationship ie move in, be together and possibly have some kids in a loving stable relationship some time in the future... he's still stuck trying to work out if the grass could possibly be greener on the other side (not that there was an other side just that there might possibly be one a more perfect girl).

 

I was very (still am) attracted to him... physically, emotionally, yah da yah da... but... it was HE who couldn't work out what he wanted and I didn't want to be like a little puppy on a string waiting for him to make up his mind or not.. so I felt I didn't have a choice but to end it or live my life with someone who wasn't sure they wanted to be with me..

[RecordProducer]

:lmao::lmao:

What's so funny?

 

I am trying to imagine myself telling my husband in a few years from now: "Honey... you've been a wonderful husband and a perfect father all these years, but.. I just want to find someone new and better looking... so I am leaving you ."

 

[RecordProducer]

Go read the commitment threads.....

 

I left my man because I wanted to move to the next phase of our relationship ie move in, be together and possibly have some kids in a loving stable relationship some time in the future... he's still stuck trying to work out if the grass could possibly be greener on the other side (not that there was an other side just that there might possibly be one a more perfect girl).

 

I was very (still am) attracted to him... physically, emotionally, yah da yah da... but... it was HE who couldn't work out what he wanted and I didn't want to be like a little puppy on a string waiting for him to make up his mind or not.. so I felt I didn't have a choice but to end it or live my life with someone who wasn't sure they wanted to be with me..

Well the formula still works, but in the reverse way. He was the one who didn't find the grass green enough.

 

Also, with time we get turned off by people who don't want us as much as we want them!

[riobikini]

re:

 

TheKris: " When a woman leaves a man, it's always because of one

single reason - a lack of attraction."

 

Do you mean 'lack of attraction' to mean you've lost the zing! in your relationship? -a kind of 'ho-mum' kind of thing? or do you actually mean that he/she somehow suddenly became very ugly???

 

(Smile)

 

I think that folks who find themselves thinking " I've-lost-that-lovin' feelin' " can sometimes allow the disintegration of a relationship by just by choosing to *not* do anything about it.

 

I also realize that it takes both people in the relationship who *want* to turn things around and revive the relationship.

 

If you mean that someone can 'let themselves go' regarding their physical appearance to such a degree that their overall appeal drops tremendously, which causes a decline in attraction, -I would agree with you- it happens all the time, with couples everywhere.

 

Note: It's not fair to a partner if the person they were once physically attracted to (and may still be in love with) deliberately stops reasonably maintaining their appearance.

 

If you mean that a person might actually be attracted most by a partner who who seems aloof and maybe even abusive rather than one who is very attentive and caring, -again, you may be right. There are all kinds of needy people out there who find excitement in having relationships with someone they imagine they might lose to someone else at any given moment; or forming a relationship with someone who is dashing and handsome, but cruel and arrogant.

 

It takes all kinds, I suppose.

 

As for just choosing someone because they are attractive...I personally, would just as soon poke out both my eyes and let my brain, ears, and heart play the role of authority in choosing for me, than go with the looks alone.

 

Take Care.

 

-Rio

[johnnytable]

I don't think that the OP is talking about looks. I think he is talking about attraction, meaning wanting something. Which of course makes the statements true:

 

attracting = wanting to be with somebody

 

So of course if you dump somebody, you don't want to be with them, and therefore it is because the attraction was too low for your given situation.

 

Just as when you get dumped, the attraction for the ex usually goes up because you can no longer have them. And for the dumper, your attraction goes down because they could have you yet choose not to.

[Outcast]

I don't think that the OP is talking about looks. I think he is talking about attraction, meaning wanting something. Which of course makes the statements true:

 

attracting = wanting to be with somebody

 

Which is why I asked what he meant since how one answers depends on what he means by 'attraction'.

[Guest]

I think you are dead wrong with this perspective...

 

I am a perfect example! My cheating husband was one of the most attractive men I ever saw... I think he thought I would never dare leave him...

 

I did! I don't care what someone looks like... when they are mean and nasty NOTHING can make them appear attractive at that point. Everything about them becomes extremely UGLY!

 

The attraction was always so strong, but when I found out how much he had been hurting me, that was it... no more!

 

of corz when i say attraction ...im not talking about the physical thing only..but the whole ingridient of attraction...behaviour, capabilities etc.

[Outcast]

Well then duh. Of course if you stop liking someone, you stop liking someone. This is no big secret. What else could relationships be about? People get together because they like each other. At first. Then sometimes they find out that the other person has tastes or morals or other things that they don't like after all and they don't like them so much.

 

There are thousands of reasons people leave, including the ones mentioned by other posters. If some guy cheats, he'll get dumped. If he's thoughtless and inconsiderate, he'll get dumped. But I suppose if you want to be simplistic about it, any sort of unpleasant behaviour will stop someone liking someone. A cheating spouse is hardly 'attractive'.

[basscatcher]

I think there are 'truly' exceptions to this.

 

I am still very much attracted to my Xbf and I miss him and I still have the desire to go out with him but I choose not to continue the relationship because I have too high of a tolerance level for neglect and rejection.

 

In my situation I am retraining myself not to be a doormat and so tolerant of such treatment.

 

He has many wonderful qualities and I really enjoyed a lot of time I spent with him. I can't settle for less then what I desire or I will eventually end up in this situation you are speaking of. I don't want to waste months (more then I have) or years trying to find all the pieces in the relationship that I did miss. ex: normal affection, good logical communication and conversation.

 

My attraction for him is still alive but it was my logic that I choose to listen too so to lesson the pain in the future..

 

Does this make sense to anyone..?

[whir]

Thekhris, I think that was a very good post.

 

People often get disappointed in their partners when they get to know them better (to the other posters - obviously he didn't mean physical attraction, because that doesn't change over night and nobody leaves anyone only because they simply want someone new or better-looking).

 

.

agreed...when it said attraction we are not only talking about the physical aspects...

 

lets say there is a hot chick very gorgeus,,then you learned that she farts every 20 seconds non stop...would you still be attracted to her?

 

and lets say there is a hunk very handsome then you learned the he is wuss, so clumsy, lazy, still leave with his mom, no job and no dreams..

 

would you still be attracted to that handsome hunk?

 

when we say attraction it is not only considered as a physical matter but also behavioural and emotional etc... a non good looking guy but funny and confident can be very attractive to girls...and vice versa a very handsome guy with jerky attitude can be NON attractive to females..

 

Exelent post thekhris by the way..awesome

[Last Mohegan]

I wouldn't think a cheating spouse is attractive either but it sure makes people stay in a marriage A LOT more than it makes them leave it. Just look at the infidelity board. Same for thoughtless and inconsiderate...its amazing how many women stay and stay and stay and then stay just a little longer.

 

Well then duh. Of course if you stop liking someone, you stop liking someone. This is no big secret. What else could relationships be about? People get together because they like each other. At first. Then sometimes they find out that the other person has tastes or morals or other things that they don't like after all and they don't like them so much.

 

There are thousands of reasons people leave, including the ones mentioned by other posters. If some guy cheats, he'll get dumped. If he's thoughtless and inconsiderate, he'll get dumped. But I suppose if you want to be simplistic about it, any sort of unpleasant behaviour will stop someone liking someone. A cheating spouse is hardly 'attractive'.

[Outcast]

but it sure makes people stay in a marriage A LOT more than it makes them leave it. Just look at the infidelity board. Same for thoughtless and inconsiderate...its amazing how many women stay and stay and stay and then stay just a little longer.

 

It's not that these things make people stay in marriages; people stay despite them because of the 'in the beginning' syndrome.

 

In the beginning of a relationship, things are great. People get the idea that that is the norm for the relationship. When things go bad - even very much so - they continue to think that life will be grand again if they could just get back to the 'norm' which was soooooo great. Problem is that not a lot of people really get that 'in the beginning' is far from the norm and that wishing for it is pretty much futile. But they keep hoping.

[MrPot]

Problem is that not a lot of people really get that 'in the beginning' is far from the norm and that wishing for it is pretty much futile. But they keep hoping.

 

I wish my ex would realize this. From what I understand, she's going back to her ****ty old boyfriend. Of course, things were great for them in the beginning.

[Tony T]

I always thought the only reason women left men was because of their man's body odor, regardless of what they said the reason was.

[Mary3]

I think the OP means * natural attraction * things that someone finds in you that cause them to want to be with you.

 

Men like Women : Funny

Independant

Self confidant

Playfull

 

Men don't like women who are : needy , clingy , bitching , whining

 

Men do like women who are : Not afraid to be assertive

Can take you or leave you attitude

Has her own life , goals and friends

 

OP sounds like he wants to know how to keep the atttraction going. It takes lots of WORK, people get bored , tired , uninterested , irritated....the list goes on...

__________________

[john1776]

I think the OP means * natural attraction * things that someone finds in you that cause them to want to be with you.

 

Men like Women : Funny

Independant

Self confidant

Playfull

 

Men don't like women who are : needy , clingy , bitching , whining

 

Men do like women who are : Not afraid to be assertive

Can take you or leave you attitude

Has her own life , goals and friends

 

OP sounds like he wants to know how to keep the atttraction going. It takes lots of WORK, people get bored , tired , uninterested , irritated....the list goes on...

__________________

 

 

If you have to put in alot of hard work to keep the attraction going then you've probably picked the wrong person to begin with. Two people who belong together are attracted to each other without any effort on either part.

 

If you are putting in effort to change yourself in an attempt to keep somebody in your life then it's going to be a fake attraction. That person is not in love with the real you but only the you that you want them to see. If the real you attracted them to you in the first place then the real you would have no problems keeping them attracted. Then again people change over time and may want different things later on.

 

Best bet for me is striving to be the best man I can be regardless if women find me attractive or not. I strive to be the best I can be for myself not for somebody else. That means I have my own set of standards as to what I need to improve upon. I decide how much self improvement I want to make. It's not for anybody else to dictate what I need to change. If I see something about myself that I'm not happy with I make efforts to change it. Whether or not others are happy with the changes is not my concern unless I'm a threat to others around me.

 

With that said I am in a 3.5 year relationship that doesn't seem to be falling apart anytime soon. I don't have to put in hard work to keep it going. How much money I spend on her is up to me. It's up to me to decide how often I'm going to take her out to dinner and buy her gifts. She's not expecting me to do these things. I do them because I want to do them not because I have to. I don't expect much out of her either when it comes to sex or affection or making time for me.

 

I want her to have her own life outside the relationship. I call her once for every 2 or 3 times that she calls me. I see her once every 1-2 weeks. We've broken up only once and that was just for a few days. The break up had nothing to do with a loss of attraction on her part or my part. It was due to a misunderstanding between us.

 

In my past relationships I have dumped girls that I was still attracted to afterwards and I've been dumped by girls who still found me attractive afterwards. The breakups were the result of mistreatment towards one another not a lack of attraction. If a girl cheats on me or abuses me in some way I'm going to dump her regardless of my level of attraction for her.

[Guest]

I totally disagree. I am giving serious consideration to ending my five year relationship. I love my man and I am so attracted to him, I want to rip his clothes off most of the time! However, I suspect he may have been unfaithfull, and his lack of honesty has caused me to lose repect for him. He has stopped making an effort in the bedroom i.e I act like a porn star while he lays back and enjoys himself, and he feels that living together is as far as he wants to go.

 

He told me, early on in our relationship, that he wanted me to have his children, and he would consider marriage after 2 years. Will I stay in this relationship because I am attracted to him? When the trust and respect is waning? These two things mean far more to me than sexual attraction. The saddest part of all this is that he is losing me. He is so confident in my love for him he doesnt see it and he takes me - and our love - for granted. I am pulling away and how I wish I WASNT attracted to him or in love with him, that would make it easier for me.