camo Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 i dont know what to do??! my name is cam i am 21 years of age and my girlfriend is 18..we have been together for 2 years... i love her alot... i dont want to sound like a shallow sex addict.. because i am not. I consider sex especially in a long term relationship like ours part of us.. being intimate..sharing our love for each other.. romantic... We used to have sex 4 times a time.. but it has dwindled down slowly slowly in the last 6 months.. now we have sex once every 2 weeks... lately .. we havent had sex in 3 weeks. It is having a damaging effect on me and how i feel about her... not the fact that i am a young guy that feels i need sex all time and she has to provide.. but the fact that i feel that she doesnt love me physically anymore.. we never get intimate.. i know she loves me emotionally very much. i do suffer from premature ejactualtion and this has again come on in the last 6 months.. but i have seeked medical help and discussed it with her as well. She says i dont have a problem and that it saddens her that she thinks i have that..she blamed it on us not having sex alot anymore.. and promised to change that..but that was 3 weeks ago. Every time i ask..or i try.. i get put down as "pressuring her".. and we end up fighting..like we are now and havent spoken. I feel that it is only myself trying... emotionly and physically to keep us together.. i belive that for a relationship to work.. u have to be emotionaly and physically atrracted to each other.. but i think its only her emotionly. What does every one else think?? why would she stop wanting sex? does this always happen in long term relationships?? how can i help it?? sorry for the long post.. just so confused
blind_otter Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 I think in really LTRs (longer than 2 years, har har) sex may dwindle because as an adult you have other responsibilities. Work, children, maintaining your home. I don't think this is a factor with your relationship. Have you discussed your concerns about your sexual relationship with your partner?
Author camo Posted August 3, 2006 Author Posted August 3, 2006 yes i have... last nite actually... but one again i got put down as "presuring her".. that is always the excuse and we end up not talking.. io cant get a word in..with out being called a sex addict.. it really is killling me,, i feel our relationship is going down hill.. i love her alot.. beautiful person..
a4a Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Are you fulfilling her needs..... not the sexual ones but the emotional ones? Could be that you are not and she may be feeling just used by you.
Author camo Posted August 3, 2006 Author Posted August 3, 2006 For a man, sex within a commited relationship is vital. It's not just about physical release, though that's often what women tend to think; it's much more about being close to the partner and solidifying the commitment to one another. When the partner starts with the excuses, like the proverbial "I have a headache," not only does that hurt the male deeply (after all, it's rejection of his body and soul and commitment - how much more of a rejection can one get?) but it begins to erode the bond between the two. As the bond gets eroded, the male is less likely to do all those little things that the woman finds necessary, especially in the "emotional support" department. Then we hear or read that the woman doesn't feel like giving it up because the guy isn't being emotionally supportive. And the cycle continues. That's usually the point when the guy may start to look outside the relationship, not only for the physical intimacy, but for the acceptance that he's no longer getting from his wife or SO. So ladies, when you turn down your man for sex, understand that it's just as harmful to him as if you tell him that he's fat and ugly and bald and smells bad and is a lousy father and crappy husband with a snail for a dick and all the rest. Yes, it's THAT bad THIS GUY PREETY MUCH PUTS IT IN A NUTSHELL HOW I FEEL.. haha sorry for the caps..very well said
lovestruck234 Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 When I turn down my bf it IS usually for a pretty legitiment reason. I'm tired or whatever. Sometimes (shock horror) I'm not horny ALL THE TIME. But camo, I can understand how damaging this is on your relationship, and this is coming from a girl who has sex either every day, twice a day, or every second day... Talking always helps. She's not a mind reader. I'm sure she doesn't mean to crush you or hurt your feelings, she's simply not in the mood. But the fact that the sex life has dwindled is what I would agree with B.O on, there may just be other things on her mind. I wouldn't take it to heart. She is still having sex with you, although not as much as you desire, be happy that she is still attracted to you sexually and physically. Talk to her. And repsect her decisions and thoughts too! I'm sorry that wasn't very good advice, I have lots of other things on my mind today... Good luck!
norajane Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 Have you tried talking to her when you're walking in the park, or at dinner or some time when you're not alone in the house? I'm just thinking if the only time you bring this up is when she might think you want sex NOW, then she might feel like it's just about you wanting sex and not about you wanting HER. A setting where sex is out of the question at that moment, might help the conversation. Also, I know that whenever I've lost interest in sex in a longer term relationship, it's been because I haven't been happy with our relationship outside the bedroom/sexual arena. So all you're noticing is the lack of sex, but maybe not noticing whatever she might be feeling is a problem. Have you asked her if she is happy with your relationship? Have you asked her if she's under some stress, or feeling uncomfortable or worried about something? Have you asked her if she's getting enough attention or affection from you? Do you snuggle with her on the couch without trying to lead it into sex? Do you hold hands when you're out, do you touch her frequently (without intention of it leading to sex), do you kiss her often? Have you fallen into a rut together, or do you still go out on dates where you're focusing your attention on conversation and reconnecting with each other? Do you spend your evenings at home watching DVD's, or do you go out to concerts and ballgames or the beach or bike rides?
Guest Posted August 7, 2006 Posted August 7, 2006 Well, i've been feeling similar in a relationship with my bf lately.... i can tell sometimes that he's hurt because i don't want to do it with him, maybe because i have a headache, or my back aches or something. What he doesn't seem to realise is that if he was simply to put a little effort in, act nice, massage my temples or my back (for more than a couple of minutes...yes guys, making a woman happy does require SOME effort!) then i would feel better and if it's left for maybe a half hour, an hour.....if i feel better then u know, result! what he (and alot of other guys) don't seem to understand, is that it's small things that make the difference....a little attention, a smile once in a while? feeling confident that my partner is happy makes ME happy. Like i said, it might not make sense, but it matters, so put the effort in! p.s. a little romance every now and then doesn't hurt. a rose? a small pressie? nothing expensive, just something that matters
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