Guest Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 I know this sounds shallow, but my formerly stunning girlfriend is starting to let herself go and is putting on a lot of weight. How do i approach the subject with her without offending her? I've tried to encourage her to come to the gym with me more but she's not picking up my subtle hints any suggestions welcome
a4a Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 If you are living together you can take over the grocery shopping and cooking. Perhaps you should just say something but in a very nice way. I am sure that if you were very tactful and offered support she would appreciate it rather than to get offended. I am sure that she notices her weight gain as you do. Tell her that you both need to get in shape.... for health and so you can continue to have lusty thoughts for each other.... make it fun... not a big serious pow wow. Buy both of you a gift cert for personal trainers at the gym. Or share a trainer........ make it an fun experience not just "your fat" experience.... kick in a massage and manicure for her as well.... that way it is a whole body experience for her not just a focus on the fat thing....... Hell I would love this if my H would do this! I am not out of shape......but I am old
superconductor Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 How do i approach the subject with her without offending her? You can't. There is no way on earth that a man can approach a woman about her weight that won't result in her getting entirely bent out of shape. If you approach it from a health point of view, she'll be offended. If you take over the cooking and grocery shopping, she'll be offended. If you give her hints, subtle or overt, she'll be offended. If you tell her directly, she'll be offended. If you suggest she join you at the gym, or get involved in an exercise regime, she'll be offended. The only thing you can do is to just accept the fact that she'll be offended. Once you've gotten used to the idea, bring it up in whichever way you think is best and will create the least amount of grief. But she's gonna get mad. No way around it.
a4a Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Yeah just take the direct approach like this: Listen you Fat Biotch, get off the sofa and put down the Pudding Pop! Get your wide load to the gym and start working off that lard! You know most people want to be attractive to their SO...... she has got to have some sort of an idea that she is gaining weight..... so be tactful and just approach her while offering support.
superconductor Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Listen you Fat Biotch, get off the sofa and put down the Pudding Pop! Get your wide load to the gym and start working off that lard! Three days later, you'll awake in hospital. Maybe. You DO have to be tactful, but you also do have to recognize that there's no way of circumventing her response. Now, if the discussion even goes that far, you can have a plan that you can work towards, together, to get you both in better shape. For instance: You: I get the sense that you're concerned about your weight. Her: ARE YOU SAYING I'M FAT?? You: I said no such thing. But I know that you're worried about it. Her: I'M NOT FAT!! HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH A THING!! You: Here, I've developed a plan. We can go jogging three times a week, and be a little more careful in our grocery shopping. Please put down the chainsaw. Her: YOU MISERABLE, SHALLOW PRICK!! You: And instead of driving everywhere, we can take our bicycles more often. Please turn off the chainsaw. Her: YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE, BECAUSE YOU THINK I'M FAT!! *runs off to the bathroom, slams the door* You: *relieved* Sweetheart, I never said you were fat. Her: (through bathroom door) You didn't have to! It was all in your tone of voice *sobs uncontrollably* etc... etc...
Pink Amulet Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 SC- Seriously!?!?! jeeze. Guest- Why is she getting fat? How old is she? What sort of food does she eat? Does she excercise?
Tony T Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 This is a pretty difficult thing to do given how sensitive people are to fat. Everytime I write on this forum how unattractive fat is I get the wrath of hundreds. That tells me there are a lot of people around who do little more than sit in front of their computer. Not a healthy thing to do. Computers...don't give CPR.
superconductor Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 SC- Seriously!?!?! jeeze. Yump. Been there, done that. Got divorced too.
littlekitty Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Three days later, you'll awake in hospital. Maybe. You DO have to be tactful, but you also do have to recognize that there's no way of circumventing her response. Now, if the discussion even goes that far, you can have a plan that you can work towards, together, to get you both in better shape. For instance: You: I get the sense that you're concerned about your weight. Her: ARE YOU SAYING I'M FAT?? You: I said no such thing. But I know that you're worried about it. Her: I'M NOT FAT!! HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH A THING!! You: Here, I've developed a plan. We can go jogging three times a week, and be a little more careful in our grocery shopping. Please put down the chainsaw. Her: YOU MISERABLE, SHALLOW PRICK!! You: And instead of driving everywhere, we can take our bicycles more often. Please turn off the chainsaw. Her: YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE, BECAUSE YOU THINK I'M FAT!! *runs off to the bathroom, slams the door* You: *relieved* Sweetheart, I never said you were fat. Her: (through bathroom door) You didn't have to! It was all in your tone of voice *sobs uncontrollably* etc... etc... Absolutely brilliant!! Guest - How much weight has she put on? And if you could answer PA's questions it would also help! It's never going to be an easy subject to discuss, these things coming from the people we love most, are often the hardest to swallow.
lindya Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Her: YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE, BECAUSE YOU THINK I'M FAT!! *runs off to the bathroom, slams the door* You: *relieved* Sweetheart, I never said you were fat. Her: (through bathroom door) You didn't have to! It was all in your tone of voice *sobs uncontrollably* etc... etc... But she was right! You do think she's fat! There's no nice way of saying to somebody "you don't look as good as you could", so it's probably best to say it fairly directly. You can't prevent someone from being upset about the fact that they don't look their best, so I guess it's just a case of accepting that it's upsetting to hear, then combining a supportive approach with a businesslike "time to do something about it, then." To the OP....you mentioned going to the gym, but not everyone wants to spend an hour running on a treadmill or cycling to nowhere...all sound-tracked to the sound of steroid-pumped weightlifters grunting orgasmically. Are there other forms of exercise she might prefer - eg swimming, walking, cycling outdoors, yoga, dancing?
a4a Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 steroid-pumped weightlifters grunting orgasmically. ? I am going to put on 15lbs so my H says I am fat and sends me to the gym! H =Honey have you gained weight? ME =Yes I have, disgusting isn't it dear? H= well I love you and want you to be happy with yourself......is there something I can do to help you feel better about yourself? ME =Yes dear get me a gym membership NOW!!
Guest Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 thanks for the advice so far, to answer a few questions she's in her mid 20s she does do a bit of exercise but not a lot she eats a lot of crisps/chocolate/bad foods she's not like 20 stone or anything far from it, but like i said she's starting to let herself go and I can see her weight ballooning in a few years if she keeps going (that makes me sound awful, I'm not though!) she's developping chubby arms and flabby cellulitely thighs, when before she was nicely toned, as a result im becoming less physically attracted to her things arent helped by a (only 4 yrs) younger, thinner, healthy eating, regularly exercising woman who has recently joined my work, about whom i keep thinking "my gf used to look like that/I wish my gf looked like that")
superconductor Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Funny thing, ya know. If a woman tell her man that he's putting on weight, the guy will usually glow with pride and pat his belly. "Yep," he'll say, "did it all myself! Beer, ice cream, bacon, it's all good stuff. What's for supper?"
Pink Amulet Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Hahaha a4a- cracking me up tonight! Judging by your avatar, if you put on 15lbs you might have to get him to hire a crane to even get you out of the house
Guest Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 thinking about it, im more concerend i think about her letting herself go, like she doesnt have to bother anymore maybe i should mention this woman from work to her, so she feels a need to try a bit harder, then I wouldn't have to tell her she was getting fat at all, just tell her i find this woman attractive, and she might feel the need to keep up
a4a Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Hahaha a4a- cracking me up tonight! Judging by your avatar, if you put on 15lbs you might have to get him to hire a crane to even get you out of the house That was just cruel..... I have a condition...... it is called Twinkieinhandconstantous. shame on you!
Pink Amulet Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 You are on fire tonight *looks at yeast thread*- well not in the literal sense.
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