What's next?

[Wondering]

I've been dating this guy for about a year. We have been keeping things light, fun and no pressure. We both have made remarks that we aren't going to get married again and usually don't breech the subject. The problem is that I feel more deeply for him than I think he feels for me. This knowledge comes just from things that he has said and some actions that I have seen. We have great times together and there has been little or no disagreements. I'm just wondering what's next for a relationship like this? If we aren't heading into a more serious committment are we wasting each other's time?

[Tony T]

1. "I'm just wondering what's next for a relationship like this?"

 

Nothing. After a year of the same kind of a relationship, one that is not moving forward, growing in intimacy, etc., it will go nowhere. He may be incapable to taking it to the next level...he may not be ready...he may be afraid. It sounds like this may even be too casual to bring up the subject but you have no choice but to ask him where this is going. Let him know you care about him and you want more from the relationship. See what he says.

 

I'd almost be willing to bet he's just a space cadet, inexperienced in relationships, and has no idea what to do with this. Maybe you ought to instruct him.

 

2. "If we aren't heading into a more serious committment are we wasting each other's time?"

 

If after having a good talk with him he says he is happy just the way things are and he has no desire to take it to a deeper level, yes, you are totally wasting your time if what you want is more out of the relationship.

 

The two of you, in a heart to heart talk, are going to have to decide if this is heading into a more serious committment. I think you would have a great sense if it was...after a whole year.