Six years down the drain?!

[LostHeart]

Me and this guy have been involved online for about six years now. Yes, you read that right. We've been partners for six years only it's always been long distant. He lives in Canada, I live in the United States. We've never met. Yes, six years and we've never once met.

Now, I'm 19 (about to turn 20) and he's 18 (about to turn 19). That explains some, right?

The truth is, he was going to come this summer to stay for awhile as we could finally afford it. After talking it over and such he still has yet to come. We planned that he would come and stay for awhile, maybe go back, maybe not...whatever he decided. We eventually wanted to move in together and even get married. It was all planned out. Everything was perfect. We talked on the phone nightly and we always had good laughs and conversation. Everything was going perfect, I swear.

Okay, so one evening I am skimming through his email as I do at times. It's no big deal. Then I come across many emails from different girls...apparently he's been calling them too and they have been telling them they love him as well--there's TONS of flirting going on both ways. We've had issues with him calling girls in the past and we both agreed that it was wrong to do so as he was getting too flirty with them. Well, I feel betrayed a bit...I confront him. By the end of it we've argued a bit and worked things out...or so it seemed.

That was maybe 2 months ago. About a week or two ago we have a spat about some things and it has ruined everything. He now is "rethinking" our relationship. He thinks we're moving too fast (six years and...what?!). He has asked to be given some time to think if we should break up. I know his decision will be yes...he's already said, "I don't love you as much as I used to" and all...and I'm just a heart-broken fool. I'm not sure what to say to him...I've told him he doesn't have to come yet if that's the deal, we don't have to move in together soon at all if that's the deal, and if he has issues with our talks of marriage then to forget marriage for now.

This is all just a shock. I've talked to him every single day/night for six years and he's always been the perfect guy. Yes, he's had some issues and we've had spats but we've always worked through them. He's not the type to suddenly be like "I don't love you so much now...let's break it off after six years...sorry." He's begged to come visit before. Everything has suddenly changed and I just don't know how to deal with it. He is seriously changing right before my eyes.

I made the mistake of building my life around, what I thought was going to be, a long term relationship with this guy.

Advice?

I know there's not much to say. "It's an online relationship--why do you expect?" but I expected a lot from this guy. I mean, our faith in eachother went so far as to believe we were both being faithful (and I do believe he has been faithful to me and I have been to him). We've spent night after night, hour after hour, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year talking about everything.

What do I do?

Do I try to work this out?

Do I let him go?

I'm so confused. I love him very, very much but if he does not love me as much as he did before then...is it time to say goodbye? Is it time to close the little IM box and sign off? How can you leave someone you've loved for six years? Someone that you've planned your life out with. I'm shocked that he's not coming here now and I am even more shocked that he is falling out of love with me it seems. What do I do? What do I say?

[john2776]

The first thing is that its not 6 years down the drain. You have had 6 years of your life spent being shared intimately via conversation with a boyfriend. I think its a pretty cool way to get to know someone. But now, I doubt there is anything you can do to change his mind. Something has changed for him, and sorry for you, but its probably another girl - either in real life or on the net. The old cliche is "If you love someone, then set them free." Do it.

 

Don't blame it on being a net relationship or believe anyone when they tell you thats why it went wrong, and what did you expect. People lie, cheat, change their minds in any situation.

 

Plenty of other guys are going chase after you, and one of them will never give up, and will stay by your side forever. Go find him (after taking the next 6 months or more for yourself).

[Sand&Water]

Wow! Six years is a long time. This is the type of situation I don't like to see happen to young women. I think you should take a few months off - to yourself - to figure out, explore and discover *you* and *the world around you*. Think of it as an experience for the better - better of the future, and the next right guy for you.

 

I find it particularly strange, that he never came to visit you within those six years. Why didn't he visit? It is expected that within the first year your significant other should pay a visit, otherwise he is not worth your time. It is known, the heart grows weak after a large length of time apart. I'm quite surprised you were able to hold out for all those years. And, that your womanly instincts didn't dig in and pose a few "Red Flags". Anyways, you are still young and have many years ahead of you to find your ideal man.

[Outcast]

You were awfully, awfully young when you became boyfriend and girlfriend. People change a lot as they grow up and certainly people that maybe seemed like ideal partners when one is just barely into puberty won't look that great as you get older.

 

And believe it or not, even spending six years online with someone doesn't mean you know him.

[Guest]

Sounds as if this guy does not deserve you - I don't know that much about e-relationships but I'm sure that he wasn't as perfect as he seemed - it's just that in this type of relationship I'm pretty sure it's easier to maintain a persona (ie to only show the favourable side of oneself) than it is in real life. You need to have a big chat with him (while the lines of communication are still open) and find out the real reason why he wants to break things off - a lot of guys don't lie, they just don't tell you things! That will help you get over things when/if it does end.

 

I don't want to seem as if I know it all, but the reason I wanted to replyto you is because I am 21 and have recently been through something similar a bit simialr (only the relationship wasn't online) and I wanted to give you some confidence in your future. You are 19, verging on 20, and you have the rest of your life ahead of you. There are so many good things for you out there just waiting for you - you will change way more than you can possibly imagine (in a good way), and grow and develop. You will learn from your mistakes and get more in touch with yourself and your self-esteem until your heart can't be so easily broken. It will happen, and even if love hasn't come this time round then there is a lot waiting for you in the future that may suit you better. The nasty thing about life is that it can be cruel - but even that has a silver lining you learn from everything, get stronger and appreciate everything more. The nice thing about life is that the wonderful surprises and changes there are in store for you can't be predicted, they just happen in time. Take care and good luck.

 

 

Me and this guy have been involved online for about six years now. Yes, you read that right. We've been partners for six years only it's always been long distant. He lives in Canada, I live in the United States. We've never met. Yes, six years and we've never once met.

Now, I'm 19 (about to turn 20) and he's 18 (about to turn 19). That explains some, right?

The truth is, he was going to come this summer to stay for awhile as we could finally afford it. After talking it over and such he still has yet to come. We planned that he would come and stay for awhile, maybe go back, maybe not...whatever he decided. We eventually wanted to move in together and even get married. It was all planned out. Everything was perfect. We talked on the phone nightly and we always had good laughs and conversation. Everything was going perfect, I swear.

Okay, so one evening I am skimming through his email as I do at times. It's no big deal. Then I come across many emails from different girls...apparently he's been calling them too and they have been telling them they love him as well--there's TONS of flirting going on both ways. We've had issues with him calling girls in the past and we both agreed that it was wrong to do so as he was getting too flirty with them. Well, I feel betrayed a bit...I confront him. By the end of it we've argued a bit and worked things out...or so it seemed.

 

That was maybe 2 months ago. About a week or two ago we have a spat about some things and it has ruined everything. He now is "rethinking" our relationship. He thinks we're moving too fast (six years and...what?!). He has asked to be given some time to think if we should break up. I know his decision will be yes...he's already said, "I don't love you as much as I used to" and all...and I'm just a heart-broken fool. I'm not sure what to say to him...I've told him he doesn't have to come yet if that's the deal, we don't have to move in together soon at all if that's the deal, and if he has issues with our talks of marriage then to forget marriage for now.

This is all just a shock. I've talked to him every single day/night for six years and he's always been the perfect guy. Yes, he's had some issues and we've had spats but we've always worked through them. He's not the type to suddenly be like "I don't love you so much now...let's break it off after six years...sorry." He's begged to come visit before. Everything has suddenly changed and I just don't know how to deal with it. He is seriously changing right before my eyes.

 

I made the mistake of building my life around, what I thought was going to be, a long term relationship with this guy.

 

Advice?

I know there's not much to say. "It's an online relationship--why do you expect?" but I expected a lot from this guy. I mean, our faith in eachother went so far as to believe we were both being faithful (and I do believe he has been faithful to me and I have been to him). We've spent night after night, hour after hour, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year talking about everything.

What do I do?

Do I try to work this out?

Do I let him go?

I'm so confused. I love him very, very much but if he does not love me as much as he did before then...is it time to say goodbye? Is it time to close the little IM box and sign off? How can you leave someone you've loved for six years? Someone that you've planned your life out with. I'm shocked that he's not coming here now and I am even more shocked that he is falling out of love with me it seems. What do I do? What do I say?

[PRETTYBOI1982]

Me and this guy have been involved online for about six years now. Yes, you read that right. We've been partners for six years only it's always been long distant. He lives in Canada, I live in the United States. We've never met. Yes, six years and we've never once met.

Now, I'm 19 (about to turn 20) and he's 18 (about to turn 19). That explains some, right?

The truth is, he was going to come this summer to stay for awhile as we could finally afford it. After talking it over and such he still has yet to come. We planned that he would come and stay for awhile, maybe go back, maybe not...whatever he decided. We eventually wanted to move in together and even get married. It was all planned out. Everything was perfect. We talked on the phone nightly and we always had good laughs and conversation. Everything was going perfect, I swear.

Okay, so one evening I am skimming through his email as I do at times. It's no big deal. Then I come across many emails from different girls...apparently he's been calling them too and they have been telling them they love him as well--there's TONS of flirting going on both ways. We've had issues with him calling girls in the past and we both agreed that it was wrong to do so as he was getting too flirty with them. Well, I feel betrayed a bit...I confront him. By the end of it we've argued a bit and worked things out...or so it seemed.

That was maybe 2 months ago. About a week or two ago we have a spat about some things and it has ruined everything. He now is "rethinking" our relationship. He thinks we're moving too fast (six years and...what?!). He has asked to be given some time to think if we should break up. I know his decision will be yes...he's already said, "I don't love you as much as I used to" and all...and I'm just a heart-broken fool. I'm not sure what to say to him...I've told him he doesn't have to come yet if that's the deal, we don't have to move in together soon at all if that's the deal, and if he has issues with our talks of marriage then to forget marriage for now.

This is all just a shock. I've talked to him every single day/night for six years and he's always been the perfect guy. Yes, he's had some issues and we've had spats but we've always worked through them. He's not the type to suddenly be like "I don't love you so much now...let's break it off after six years...sorry." He's begged to come visit before. Everything has suddenly changed and I just don't know how to deal with it. He is seriously changing right before my eyes.

I made the mistake of building my life around, what I thought was going to be, a long term relationship with this guy.

Advice?

I know there's not much to say. "It's an online relationship--why do you expect?" but I expected a lot from this guy. I mean, our faith in eachother went so far as to believe we were both being faithful (and I do believe he has been faithful to me and I have been to him). We've spent night after night, hour after hour, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year talking about everything.

What do I do?

Do I try to work this out?

Do I let him go?

I'm so confused. I love him very, very much but if he does not love me as much as he did before then...is it time to say goodbye? Is it time to close the little IM box and sign off? How can you leave someone you've loved for six years? Someone that you've planned your life out with. I'm shocked that he's not coming here now and I am even more shocked that he is falling out of love with me it seems. What do I do? What do I say?

 

I really hate to say this but at a young age like yourself and him. Most guys around that age are not ready to settle down yet. According to my opinion I don't think you will find true love at a very young age with this guy who is a year younger then you are. What about those 6 years? That doesn't mean anything and not to mention. How do you know that he hasn't been with anyone else for those past 6 years?

 

At this age level, you will most likely find depression, heart-break and betrayal. Come on now, we all know you two can't be that serious. During that time when you guys was what? About 13 or 14 years old? They say age aint nothing but a number but I can tell you now that that's all full of b/s.

 

This guy isn't ready to settle down yet and I can promise you he doesn't even know what love is to even begin with. I don't think I could even wait for 6 years for my love. You should move on with your life and find someone who is closer and more understanding about relationship, love and happiness. Best of luck to ya!

[BohemeRose]

He's unfortunately entering an age where he's going to want to experience different girls. It sucks, I know it does, but it's more than likely his problem.

 

Don't take it as a reflection upon yourself, and don't feel you did anything wrong. He was flirting and whathaveyou with girls behind your back and he was wrong. It was the right thing for you to confront him.

 

Take some time to rebuild your future plans on your own terms, whether you two decide to maintain a relationship or not. It's import to have a plan that can be executed on your own, no matter how serious your relationship is. You never know when the tables will turn.

 

Good luck, hon. Whatever comes of this, I hope you're happier for it.