spinnelli Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 I'm going on 3 months now and I tell ya, each day feels worse than the last. I just feel stuck. I try not to think about it but I can't help myself, everytime I do think about it, I feel a tug on my heart..it's weird. Am I doing ok time-wise or is it about time I snap out of it already? I feel like I should be over him by now or at least making some progress or recovery but I'm not moving. Help!
superconductor Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 Are you doing NC (no contact), or do you communicate with him? Are you dating other people and getting out, or sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself?
Author spinnelli Posted August 2, 2006 Author Posted August 2, 2006 well I just iniated NC a week ago but we have been in touch, albeit, sporadically since we broke up 3 months ago. And no I'm not going out, dating new people because frankly, it's not even about that for me. Yes I would love to meet someone else to date...like yesterday. But I'm not exactly swatting guys off like flies right now. I haven't met a single one that I'm attracted to since we broke up. Just the luck of the draw, I don't meet guys I like that easily ..which could be why it's hard for me to let this one go.
LaraV Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 I'm going on 3 months now and I tell ya, each day feels worse than the last. I just feel stuck. I try not to think about it but I can't help myself, everytime I do think about it, I feel a tug on my heart..it's weird. Am I doing ok time-wise or is it about time I snap out of it already? I feel like I should be over him by now or at least making some progress or recovery but I'm not moving. Help! Well, I think there's no set timeline, but I think it's expected that one will feel "stuck" like you say for a very long time. It's worse when some days you actually manage to have "concentration" and actually become productive in your day-to-day activities and work - oh but then comes the drive home, or some moment when you're not really doing anything and then you feel that "tug" on your heart and then the tears just kick in. I think that's supposed to happen for a good while, so try to be patient with yourself. I know it's easier said than done. It's been two months for me and I just feel "abnormal." Like I'm not really "there" if you know what I mean. I go through the motions and all, but inside I'm dying. Some days are better than others, but I still haven't had a "normal" day. I think it's normal. Just be patient and know that all you're feeling right now is perfectly normal. And, of course, if possible, avoid the X. Keeping in contact just sets you back from recovery.
LaraV Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 btw, spinelli - I'm particularly interested in your story because as I recall, you're the gal with the guy that just "wasn't sure." I spent a year with my X in that limbo. It was Hell! Another thing that keeps me "stuck" is thinking how stupid I was for making myself be the object of someone else's ambivalence. I deserved so much better, but since I don't like to victimize myself, I am now dealing with all this anger at myself for letting all that happen to me. I don't know if you're dealing with similar issues, but if you are, then I think one thing that can help is working on forgiving yourself, which again, is easier said than done - especially when you've had a healthy "self-esteem" and you just can't figure out how you managed to put yourself in such a situation.
Author spinnelli Posted August 2, 2006 Author Posted August 2, 2006 btw, spinelli - I'm particularly interested in your story because as I recall, you're the gal with the guy that just "wasn't sure." I spent a year with my X in that limbo. It was Hell! Another thing that keeps me "stuck" is thinking how stupid I was for making myself be the object of someone else's ambivalence. I deserved so much better, but since I don't like to victimize myself, I am now dealing with all this anger at myself for letting all that happen to me. I don't know if you're dealing with similar issues, but if you are, then I think one thing that can help is working on forgiving yourself, which again, is easier said than done - especially when you've had a healthy "self-esteem" and you just can't figure out how you managed to put yourself in such a situation. Yup I am the one with the "isn't sure/fear of commitment" guy. But you know what? I'm a sensible girl, if I may say so myself. I know he's yanking my chain, my head and even my heart tells me he's yanking my chain. I have long given up hope that he will one day see the light and see me. And you know what? even if he does, I don't want him because the ambivalence has already turned me off. I know I'm worth it and I know I deserve someone to be sure about being with me the same way I am about them. I mean it's not really complicated, it's not something you have to go and think about. A person with fear of commitment just hasn't found someone he/she wants to commit to yet. So for him, I know I'm not the one, even if he verbally denies it till the cows come home. blah BUT I tell myself this everyday, I know all of this, so why do I still feel that tug on my heart? is it the rejection? perhaps. But this is not the first time I've been dumped, I KNOW rejection and I've gotten over my share, like everyone else. I just don't know, this one just proves difficult than others and it really bugs me that I can't just snap out of it already. It's not the anger, I guess I have dealt with the anger but then I realized that was just my ego that was hurt. Because let's face it, none of us is too smart or too good or too nice to be fooled. Everybody plays the fool sometimes, that is just a fact of life.
LaraV Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 Spin - I agree with you 100% about the commitment thing. I just don't buy the idea of the "commitmentphobe" - it just means they haven't found someone to commit to. Wow it hurts when you realize that you're not "it" for them doesn't it? But you're absolutely right, everyone plays the fool sometimes...no one is too good to avoid that little fact of life.
ImmaBeAlright Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Spin - I agree with you 100% about the commitment thing. I just don't buy the idea of the "commitmentphobe" - it just means they haven't found someone to commit to. Wow it hurts when you realize that you're not "it" for them doesn't it? But you're absolutely right, everyone plays the fool sometimes...no one is too good to avoid that little fact of life. I agree fully with your post. That's the thing about love, the vulnerability. Even an altogether gal/guy can be reduced to a blubbering fool. But, for me, I'd do it over and over and over again, because even when it ends and you feel shattered, you can at one point look back and see it was worth it. Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
daphne Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 I have long given up hope that he will one day see the light and see me. And you know what? even if he does, I don't want him because the ambivalence has already turned me off. hallelujah sister.
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