tidal Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 I broke up with my ex a month ago after being unhappy for six months. Unfortunately, he was very happy and the entire relationship was one sided. He loved me a lot (still does) and I did not feel that way for him. So I told him that we needed to have a period of no contact following the break up. He agreed... then called me the next day. He kept asking, "can't we be friends?" So after him calling me a million times, i would finally answer the phone after a few days and our friendly conversation would soon turn into a "why did you leave me? i want you back" conversation. I was in the process of moving out of state when we broke up and I wouldn't give him my new address. He ended up finding it and has since sent me chocolates, flowers and an endless amount of cards. I started feeling bad so I do answer the phone when he calls but he says the same thing over and over about how much he loves me and how he wants me back and what did he do wrong. I have never had this much incessant nagging post-break up before and I do not know how to handle it. He is irrationally talking about quitting his job and moving to where I am. I am considering blocking his number on my phone since I have already done that with email and IM. How should I handle this?
Author tidal Posted August 3, 2006 Author Posted August 3, 2006 what can i say to him that would get the point across without being mean? or should i start being mean?
Mollyanna Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 I can appreciate the problem the guy is having. I have been that nagging ex before, as embarassing as that is to admit. Every little kernal that was thrown to me, I gobbled up and expected more. I read into EVERYTHING. so here are a few suggestions, things that I always took to mean he still cared about me and I had a chance. 1. Cut the conversations short. kind of a Hi and Bye. (I'm busy, I've moved on with my life) 2. If he asked what has been going on, act like a real friend would, don't hold back details to protect his feelings. Tell him if you met someone you like or you are dating. 3. Tell him a couple reasons why you broke up with him. And then tell him that after the way he has acted now, there is NO POSSIBLE way you would want him in your life. 4. Tell him it is not possible to be friends until he is over wanting to get back to you. So... here it goes folks.... tell him you want to go NC for say 3 months. If he can do that, you guys can maybe be friends but if he can't handle such a small request, then he doesn't really want to be your friend, now does he? 5. Tell him if at the end of the 3 months you talk again, he is not to ever ask again, WHY you dumped him
destination_unknown Posted August 4, 2006 Posted August 4, 2006 TBH, I think the kindest thing to do is simply tell him, "XXX, I have explained that I do not want to have a romantic relationship with you, and while I am sorry it didn't work out I do not see any hope of things ever changing. I'm sorry but I dont think us talking or being in contact is beneifical for either of us. Goodbye and I wish you the best in the future." Then, if he calls you again, change your number / have him blocked. Don't acknowledge anything he does to get you back. Its sad when your forced to be that blunt, but having been on both sides of the coin (though I dont think quite so bad as this guy!), no matter how much you explain, he will not understand until he finds closure FOR HIMSELF, every time you answer the phone, it keeps him hanging on. Be blunt and firm in a kind but businesslike manner.
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