loveinlife Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 I always thought that if I managed to be strong, I'll move ahead. After supporting my ex for a week and a half when she was calling me about her problems with school and life, my mode of calling her back came again(a week ago). I thought it was okay as we were friends. I started to call her up to make sure she is okay every other day. Yesterday I called, she told me "would you stop calling if I told you if I had a boyfriend." At that moment I was busy at work, so I told her that I'll talk to her later. She didn't say bye and hanged up. I felt a little better that she finally told me that she has a bf, kind of like a closure, although we were just friends, I still had some feelings. I texted her back saying: "Thanks for the memories. I wish you both happiness and joy. I am happy for you. You been a nice lady." As an ending for both of our friendship. Now im kinda of depressed bc I will not talk to her again. She is a really good person and that we both didn't know how to work out a relationship, it was our first in everything. Life is unfair bc we don't get a second chance after we learned our mistakes. I guess its hard to be friends with an ex when one has moved on and the other one has not.
LaraV Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 I always thought that if I managed to be strong, I'll move ahead. After supporting my ex for a week and a half when she was calling me about her problems with school and life, my mode of calling her back came again(a week ago). I thought it was okay as we were friends. I started to call her up to make sure she is okay every other day. Yesterday I called, she told me "would you stop calling if I told you if I had a boyfriend." At that moment I was busy at work, so I told her that I'll talk to her later. She didn't say bye and hanged up. I felt a little better that she finally told me that she has a bf, kind of like a closure, although we were just friends, I still had some feelings. I texted her back saying: "Thanks for the memories. I wish you both happiness and joy. I am happy for you. You been a nice lady." As an ending for both of our friendship. Now im kinda of depressed bc I will not talk to her again. She is a really good person and that we both didn't know how to work out a relationship, it was our first in everything. Life is unfair bc we don't get a second chance after we learned our mistakes. I guess its hard to be friends with an ex when one has moved on and the other one has not. Loveinlife - I admire how you've made it through for a year. I can't even imagine what it would have been like for me keeping in contact with someone I love. I think I can relate to the feeling of wanting to be there for someone that meant so much and for whom you still care a lot. But you're right about your last statement - she moved on and you haven't. You're not gaining anything by being in this "friendship" relationship. Even in that - in friendship - you obviously have given more than she. Let her go this time for good. It's time she stops relying on you for emotional support, especially since she hasn't given any back.
Author loveinlife Posted August 2, 2006 Author Posted August 2, 2006 Even in that - in friendship - you obviously have given more than she. Let her go this time for good. It's time she stops relying on you for emotional support, especially since she hasn't given any back. LaraV, you are right! It is time to let her go for good. I did give her more than she has given me. In the support of her, it made me think about her more bc she's updating me with her current life. I loved this woman. Its through the toughest part of life that we learn.
Ariadne Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Hi, "would you stop calling if I told you if I had a boyfriend." It sounds to me like you called her at a bad time. Don't take this to mean that she never wants to talk to you or be your friend. Just that maybe she doesn't want to talk to you all day long or something like that, since she has other things going on. And I'd say it will be nice to wish her happy birthday. Ariadne
Author loveinlife Posted August 3, 2006 Author Posted August 3, 2006 Hi, "would you stop calling if I told you if I had a boyfriend." It sounds to me like you called her at a bad time. Don't take this to mean that she never wants to talk to you or be your friend. Just that maybe she doesn't want to talk to you all day long or something like that, since she has other things going on. And I'd say it will be nice to wish her happy birthday. Ariadne You might be right. I might have called her at the wrong time. But I was just trying to show that I cared about her. Can my ex say such things, if she didn't mean it?? I really believe she has a bf as she once said she was dating and talking to someone. And I'd say it will be nice to wish her happy birthday. Can you explain this phrase for me plz?
Ariadne Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Hey again, Can my ex say such things, if she didn't mean it?? I think she meant the part to back off a bit. But not literally, like she never wants to talk to you. Can you explain this phrase for me plz? Nevermind, that's where I got confused I guess with some other poster. Ariadne
Author loveinlife Posted August 3, 2006 Author Posted August 3, 2006 Hi Adriadne, Thanks for clearing things up. Feel a lot better, as I want our friendship to last.
LaraV Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Hi Adriadne, Thanks for clearing things up. Feel a lot better, as I want our friendship to last. No, no, no!! Let her go for good!!! What are YOU getting out of this friendship????
Author loveinlife Posted August 3, 2006 Author Posted August 3, 2006 Learning to be strong, you guys/girls can see the tentative side of me. One side says be her friend cause she might need me for emotional support. The other side is telling me to move on. I'm am frustrated bc I miss her and care about her. I'm just going to go with the flow and try to move on.
Author loveinlife Posted August 5, 2006 Author Posted August 5, 2006 Currently doing NC. Hope its going to work. Lately it seems like a plague that I have felt so much pain. For a guy that hasn't felt pain in life, this is the point where I have gain some experience on the cruelty of this world. It has given me a better awareness and a fuller understanding of emotional pain, which sometimes turn into physical cramps. Last nite I did meditation and it has helped me alot with my emotions, it made me a little calm. Hope I get better soon and wish all to get well too.
tiekneecrab Posted August 5, 2006 Posted August 5, 2006 Hi, I tried to be friends with my ex and it was not healthy for me. He would tell me about all the things they did or the things he did for her. Things he promised to do for me and never did...that f**king hurt. I wonder if he just did it to torture me...it was a bad break up. He called me when they had fights or problems...I guess to get my advice. Then he would say things like, "I should have never left you," or "you're the one I truly love." It would just piss me off. Last week, I called him and told him that I didn't want to have contact anymore. I think he was a bit taken by my request, but said "ok." I wished him well and hung up. Personally, I have never seen the benefit of being friends with an ex. In the past, I cut ties completely with them. I would burn letters, pictures and I got rid of gifts. I kept nothing and found it easier to move on. It's not the case here where I tried to be friends and I kept some things. For me, it's just better to get rid of everything, learn from the experience and move on...OBVIOUSLY, he has and it appears to be the same in your case. Some ex's want to keep their dumpees around in case the "grass isn't greener" somewhere else. Just be careful of that one. I hope things get better for you. It's hard at first, but just take it one day at a time. I always thought that if I managed to be strong, I'll move ahead. After supporting my ex for a week and a half when she was calling me about her problems with school and life, my mode of calling her back came again(a week ago). I thought it was okay as we were friends. I started to call her up to make sure she is okay every other day. Yesterday I called, she told me "would you stop calling if I told you if I had a boyfriend." At that moment I was busy at work, so I told her that I'll talk to her later. She didn't say bye and hanged up. I felt a little better that she finally told me that she has a bf, kind of like a closure, although we were just friends, I still had some feelings. I texted her back saying: "Thanks for the memories. I wish you both happiness and joy. I am happy for you. You been a nice lady." As an ending for both of our friendship. Now im kinda of depressed bc I will not talk to her again. She is a really good person and that we both didn't know how to work out a relationship, it was our first in everything. Life is unfair bc we don't get a second chance after we learned our mistakes. I guess its hard to be friends with an ex when one has moved on and the other one has not.
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