teabiscuit Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 Hi all. I am new here. My story goes like this ..... I have been dating my bf for 6 mths. He ended a 6-yr relationship with his ex more than a year ago. They are quite close and my bf assures me that he doesnt have any feelings for his ex anymore. His ex has cancer and he visits her a few times every month. Now his ex is seriously ill and may have a few more months to live. He is now spending most of his time taking care of her and spending a lot less time with me. He says he doesnt want her to die and he is seriously doing everything he can to save her. He is asking everyone he knows to help him with finding a way to try to make her better. He started going to church more often than usual and praying for her and he is planning to organise a fundraiser for her treatments. He is also planning a prayer session at our church for her. He is forking out a lot of his money on her treatments and hospitalisation. He tells me that he is going to do everything in his power to get her back on her feet again. He told me that he feels very sad and he often cries and says he worries so much about her. The thing that worries me is that his grandmother has also cancer but he is so much more worried and puts so much more energy and effort for this ex of his. He doesnt do as much for his grandmother. And he tells me that he is just helping out another human being who is suffering. If that is so, why doesnt he do the same his grandmother ? I feel that there is a possibility that my bf still has strong feelings for his ex although he denies it and says they are just good friends. She is the only ex that he keeps close contact with. Should I keep this relationship or should I let go before I get hurt ?
john2776 Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 When you are in a relationship for as long as 6 years there will be always be feelings left over. But it doesn't mean they are romantic or that he wants her or anything. I would be very hesitant to make a big deal out of this considering that she is going to die. Of course he gives her more attention than his grandmother. His grandmother was never his lover! So yes he still has a bond with his ex on some level, but don't let that get between you. In time it will pass (possibly through her death). The only shame is that he isn't a little more honest in telling you how he feels about her - because she is not just another human being to him.
silentcharon Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Hi all. I am new here. My story goes like this ..... I have been dating my bf for 6 mths. He ended a 6-yr relationship with his ex more than a year ago. They are quite close and my bf assures me that he doesnt have any feelings for his ex anymore. His ex has cancer and he visits her a few times every month. Now his ex is seriously ill and may have a few more months to live. He is now spending most of his time taking care of her and spending a lot less time with me. He says he doesnt want her to die and he is seriously doing everything he can to save her. He is asking everyone he knows to help him with finding a way to try to make her better. He started going to church more often than usual and praying for her and he is planning to organise a fundraiser for her treatments. He is also planning a prayer session at our church for her. He is forking out a lot of his money on her treatments and hospitalisation. He tells me that he is going to do everything in his power to get her back on her feet again. He told me that he feels very sad and he often cries and says he worries so much about her. The thing that worries me is that his grandmother has also cancer but he is so much more worried and puts so much more energy and effort for this ex of his. He doesnt do as much for his grandmother. And he tells me that he is just helping out another human being who is suffering. If that is so, why doesnt he do the same his grandmother ? I feel that there is a possibility that my bf still has strong feelings for his ex although he denies it and says they are just good friends. She is the only ex that he keeps close contact with. Should I keep this relationship or should I let go before I get hurt ? No f-ing-way- 6 years? Of course, he'll care about her! Sorry, he's known her for probably more than 6 years, assuming they were friends for some time before they started dating. If he is truly just helping out, you have nothing to worry about. Besides, if he wanted to be with her, you wouldn't be with him right now. I think you feel threatened about how much more energy he's putting into her than you are getting from him. I too, would feel upset about it too if I were you. But then, I would appreciate it if my ex boyfriend helped me out like that, especially if I only had a few months left, to show that he is still my friend, that the six years I spent with him weren't for nothing. That I still had the friendship left, after the break up. I don't know what else to say, because I've never been in that sort of situation. I recently got diagnosed with a disease, but I certainly have more than a few months to live- certainly hopefully many more years left. My ex boyfriend were very supportive ever since he found out- I appreciated it that he was supportive, even though we were only friends now. My point is that, you most likely have nothing to worry about.
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