milvushina Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 It is so common, it seems like it can happen to anyone, without warning signs sometimes, and often it doesn't have anything to do with the partner that is being cheated on. For those reasons I don't think it is the worst thing that can happen to a relationship. If my husband had an affair, I would most likely forgive him and try to understand what he was feeling and hopefully end up bringing him closer to me after the affair. I would not really be surprised. I might feel a little disillusioned. I wouldn't tell my husband that I feel this way because he would either find my lack of faith (in monogamy) disturbing and get insecure, or he might remember that conversation in the future ..and I want him to stay afraid of cheating because I would really prefer it *didn't* happen. What do you think, am I cynical because of what I've seen personally (with my parents, friends, myself, etc) or realistic, or just all around wrong?
whichwayisup Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 I do think people deserve a second chance once caught in an affair, but noone really knows how they'll react until it happens to them. And, it depends on the situation. If an affair was to happen - Was it just about sex? Were there feelings involved? How long did it last? One night stand? Every situation has a different outcome. Some affairs are more serious than others, and sometimes too, it can save a marriage. Though, sadly, it can also end one and destroy family.
Author milvushina Posted August 2, 2006 Author Posted August 2, 2006 You are right.. I meant to say affairs that are not involved, like a boyfriend on the side, more a physical, one-time thing. But I forgot to say that.
whichwayisup Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 I'm sorry, maybe it's the heat getting to my head, but I'm not sure what you mean? Having a boyfriend on the side while you're in a relationship is still cheating. Even if it's just one night...It's still cheating. Is that what you meant?
bab Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 Although it is a very unpopular view on these boards, I agree with you milvushina. I think there are lots of things worse than my husband sleeping with someone else. I got the impression you are talking about 1-night stands, not an on going relationship? That's what I'm refering to anyway. I do also agree with WWIU, I can only speculate on how I would react. I can't possbily know unless it was to actually happen. I'm not as cynical as mil though, I don't think it neccessarilly happen. I highly doubt that my husband would ever actually cheat.
michaelk Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 I think you are right, milvushina. Of course, being a man, you might expect that from me! But in all seriousness, I don't think monogamy is a natural state for us, at least not for decades on end. And I think this is especially true when it comes to the sexual part of a relationship. I think a lot of marriages would last longer if we, as a society, embraced the idea that a little something 'on the side' might be a positive thing, and doesn't have to lead to divorce.
samsungxoxo Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Yea, infidelity does seems to be overrated that's for sure and for a while it seems like it can happen to anyone. If that's true then it would mean that we're capable of cheating as well and when caught, we can bring out the ecxuses that are used to cover our bad choices. But see, I notice people tend to stay the most in abusxive relation than when someone cheats on them. So if that woudl be consider worst than cheating (actually beating the living hell out of he/she), then why do they stay anyways?? One thing both abuse and infidelity have in common is the lask of respect for that person and the fact that it lowers a person's self-esteem, they won't even think of he/she in the same way when they first met.Anyways for me both of them would be an immediate deal-breaker. Coming back to the cheating topic, I wouldn't stand the idea of easily being replaced and only being consider as just "the second best", oh no, that won't work for me, I deserve just as equal treatment as I give them. I deserve to be value as a person with rights and choices not someone to be a doormat. If they choose to have little respect and would change me for someone else, then why don't they have a happy life with the other person??
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