beach Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 If you are dating someone and they are totally nice, fairly attractive and super thoughtful... is it the right thing to continue on if you don't feel like you have that chemistry? Most guys I've ever dated - I just wanted to jump their bones the minute I saw them - but they always ended up really hurting me in some emotional way. This guy would never hurt me - I know that. He makes me feel happy and safe. I just don't feel totally passionate about him. I am wondering if I can continue on with a relationship like this - I have never dated someone without feeling totally hot about them. Maybe this is a good thing for me, no? I am confused, but I don't want to quit seeing him - I would never want to hurt him either .....
AwkwardMan Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 Giving it time won't hurt. Maybe feelings will develop. If they don't, don't drag it out too long; he deserves better.
Author beach Posted August 2, 2006 Author Posted August 2, 2006 Thank you for your input... It's not as though I don't find him attractive, I do, it's just that I don't get all giddy when I look at him. I feel very comfortable in his presence. And he is fun and interesting. Is that enough?
SoCalCatman72 Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 Hey Beach You find this man attractive, you think he's fun and interesting and you feel comfortable and safe with him. Is it enough, well that is a decision you have to make. Some will say it is, others will categorically disagree. Sounds like an ideal foundation, I would say date him and see if further feelings develop. Best of luck.
ThumbingMyWay Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 It's not as though I don't find him attractive, I do, it's just that I don't get all giddy when I look at him. In long term relationships, those butterflys go away eventualy anyway. And for some they turn into deep rooted love...others the flame goes away and they leave the relationship in pursiut for the next SO that gives them that chemical change. My only concern would be that if you dont "feel" it in the begining...how can they go away later? I say enjoy it while its here.....but if it gets too serious...and you still dont feel it.....you may want to be honest to him. Dont stay, get married and 7 years later, some other man comes along and gives you those giddy feelings and you find yourself in temptation or double guessing if you did the right thing my marry the nice guy. Chemistry turns to deep love and adoration in long term relationships. but you have to work at it......if you dont work on LOVE...it dwindles and fails....and you end up in the Infidelity or Divorce section of this site. I say give a try....maybe the feelings will come over time.....and if you can have all your needs met by this man except "the chemistry", then you have to accept that for what it is.
basscatcher Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 OMG this reminds me of when I met Charlie. 9 months later- I went NC. (admitingly I do miss him.)
alphamale Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 This guy would never hurt me - I know that. thats too bad BEACH....you'll have to move on and find some dude who will.
superconductor Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 If you are dating someone and they are totally nice, fairly attractive and super thoughtful... is it the right thing to continue on if you don't feel like you have that chemistry? Most guys I've ever dated - I just wanted to jump their bones the minute I saw them - but they always ended up really hurting me in some emotional way. That's why you should always temper your feelings with a good dose of reality. Clearly, when you went with your feelings, it backfired on you, because those men ended up hurting you. That's not to say that feelings don't have a place; they certainly do. But relying on them exclusively is a recipe for emotional - and maybe even financial - disaster.
Author beach Posted August 2, 2006 Author Posted August 2, 2006 That's why you should always temper your feelings with a good dose of reality. Clearly, when you went with your feelings, it backfired on you, because those men ended up hurting you. That's not to say that feelings don't have a place; they certainly do. But relying on them exclusively is a recipe for emotional - and maybe even financial - disaster. This is so true! He just texted me and wants to see a movie tonight ... I am going, I DO have a smile on my face when I am around him... He is impulsive - which I like a lot! Mon afternoon he called and said "do you want to go to the Santana concert tonight?" I love that, we DID have a great time... Why am I wondering if this is a good thing? Is it because I was married to a gorgeous a - hole for 20 years??????
norajane Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 This is so true! He just texted me and wants to see a movie tonight ... I am going, I DO have a smile on my face when I am around him... He is impulsive - which I like a lot! Mon afternoon he called and said "do you want to go to the Santana concert tonight?" I love that, we DID have a great time... Why am I wondering if this is a good thing? Is it because I was married to a gorgeous a - hole for 20 years?????? If you keep doing the same thing over and over again (going for the chemistry) and keep getting hurt, why would you continue to do that and expect a different result (not getting hurt)? Try something new - it sounds like you and this guy actually have a great start. The giddiness comes later sometimes, once you've known him long enough to fully appreciate his sense of humor or that way he grins at you when he's between your legs... Sometimes, you need to warm up a little before going for the gold.
Author beach Posted August 2, 2006 Author Posted August 2, 2006 I am willing at this point to allow this wonderful man to be nice to me - as I DO deserve it- as much as I have always been nice in life myself.... I really hope I don't mess it up by not waiting long enough to understand that ANY man should and would want to be nice to me.... My sister was so happy today - as I was describing how sweet he has been to me... she said she lit a bunch of candles in thought for my happiness for me while she was in Europe in the last few weeks... and thinks that I deserve someone to just be nice to me.... Maybe I will see what a respectful, nice man can bring to my life...
Outcast Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 It's not as though I don't find him attractive, I do, it's just that I don't get all giddy when I look at him. I think it would be a huge mistake to confuse 'getting all giddy' with true love and passion. I think that smiling when you think of being with him is a much better sign of how you feel.
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