SARose61 Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 I'm upset with my husband's family. Sometimes I wish I didn't even have to see any of them ever again. I know they all look down their noses at us because of where we live and the old house that we have. I live where I live out of choice and I was in my house before I met their brother. I have to be near my elderly aunt who lives a block away alone to take care of her. I'm her closest family and she's a stubborn old bird, would never move. All my husband's siblings have these expensive houses in nice subdivisions and his dad who is widowed just moved in with one of his brothers. Well that brother calls him yesterday and says well you are the only one left that has to move over here so we will all be close by. There's a nice house for sale on my block. That same brother has made subtle comments about my neighborhood before. If I really wanted to move I would choose any place in town NOT near any of them. So they think that their brother married down in status? He was working a dead end job when I met him barely making it in his own apt. I'm the one who encouraged him to get into the career he is in now His snooty brother, works extra jobs to pay for his home and that is admirable. Both of my husband's sisters do not work, their husbands are engineers. I'd venture to say neither one of them gets it that before I met their brother, I was a divorced parent of 3 and I worked 3 jobs to support my kids and my aunt and I'm darn proud of who I am. I'd like to see either one of them have to try to make it on their own. But how do you tell these people off. How do I tell them that I'm not stupid, I know what they say and what they think and they all make me sick. They are also very competitive each one had to out do the other when buying their homes. Family is large and at Christmas time I have suggested only buying gifts for children & my idea was dismissed. So at christmas everyone over spends to out do each other with gifts and the true meaning of christmas isn't even touched upon! I know the only person I have to answer to is myself. But I cant help but feel like I really need to say something to these people who are so full of themselves. Sorry I needed to vent. My husband's parents grew up in humble homes. My husband is the oldest and he remembers spending much time in his grandparents humble homes before his dad joined the military. All the other siblings did not experience that. In fact when there is occasion to see others in the extended family who still live humbly I can see all these siblings looking down their noses, saying things behind their backs like they would never invite those people to their (nice neat expensive) homes. It makes me sick. I know my husband doesn't say much to his bro & sisters. But I know it hurts him and he knows it hurts me. I dont know how many more years of this I can take. My husband says you know we dont have to associate with them. But his dad would be hurt, and at holidays and birthdays you feel obligated. I feel like I need to say something to them but I dont know how to do it. Any ideas? <sigh>. Sometimes I dont think they even realize they are being hurtful when they say things. Rose
quankanne Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 ah, rose, screw 'em. You've got the right idea though, that money is just ... money .... You understand that there's got to be something more than showing how much stuff you can accumulate with your nice stash of money. And apparently, they've not grasped that. one suggestion: kill them with kindness. Be polite, but don't let them under your skin. If they want to be money-grubbing jerks, let them. Just go about your merry way and ignore them and what they represent, otherwise you'll drive yourself batty. If it helps, feel sorry for them for being so materialistic – it's going to take them a long, long time (or a hard crash to reality) before they figure out what you already know about getting so wrapped up in material possessions (I've got a sister who is like that, who expects everyone to possess her materialistic values, and I kind of feel for her because she's missing out on the big picture, especially knowing that she's miserable inside and that she cannot buy away her misery). when they start trying to outdo themselves with their riches, outdo them with simplicity, especially when it comes to gift-giving time. How hard is it to find flashy stuff that says "EXPENSIVE," compared to that well-thought-out little something that shows you really pondered what unique thing to get that person? You can gladly bear the burden of setting the standards of taste while preaching a message of "it's not how much you spent, but the thought you put into chosing your gift." you will always encounter people like this in your life, people who make out like their money is what identifies them as a person. If that's how they want to portray themselves, fine, but know that you are a breed apart from them, and that they deserve your pity for not understanding that it takes more than money to make the man. Or woman.
Author SARose61 Posted August 2, 2006 Author Posted August 2, 2006 I hesitated on mentioning this but you hit the nail on the head. Each one of them has very good reason to be absolutely miserable amid their materialism. I have told my husband that is the very reason that they flaunt what they have and make snips at what others do not have. There are things that no amount of money can buy. A solid marriage, strong faith, family bonding and support all of these we do have in our home. I love your suggestion. In fact, I am thinking that I will give each of them something this year that will be very personal in a way that subtly points to helping them out in their own area of misery. I LOVE THE IDEA, I cant wait for Christmas now. Thanks! Rose
CrushedOrgans Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 my husband's siblings have these expensive houses in nice subdivisions... yuck. you're right in not even wanting that. those houses are cheaply made to look expensive (even though they still really don't anyway) and then they all tend to look the same, except maybe the door is a different color. no yard worth speaking of, and often built around an ugly reservoir. ew. you're not missing anything. a lot of the people you describe also live way beyond their means, and struggle for what they think they need to have. i would take an older house with character and fix it up before i would move into a brandnew, cookie cutter style house that all the wannabe "uppities" think they have to have. i mean, sure, be proud of what you have, everyone should, but these people in these houses act like they have something you could never have...and anyone really could have it. i have a tendency to be a little bit of a snob, and i still feel that way.
quankanne Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 hee hee ... get 'em, Tiger! *sigh* you've made me homesick, I just read where you're from .... But, fingers crossed and God willing, I will be giving my husband a first-ever tour of the city when we go home in October. Can you believe we've been married 14 years and he's just now told me he's never been to the Riverwalk or El Mercado? LOL, all this time, he's gone to the pick-and-pulls on the southside with my dad and a couple of other places, but not done the tourista thing in SA.
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