GuySimple Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 I've hung around with a few single (divorced or separated) guys lately. Kind of a sorry (and cynical) lot, but kind of fun. They all seem to feel their ex is cold, and dare to say b-tchy about just about everything that involves a decision. I expect it is a protection against the pushy guys. Is there something common about men that women in the same situation.
laRubiaBonita Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 I've hung around with a few single (divorced or separated) guys lately. Kind of a sorry (and cynical) lot, but kind of fun. Is there something common about men that women in the same situation. Yep..... they blame their Ex, usually.
Lor Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 Yep..... they blame their Ex, usually. What a generalization. Not all xH and xW are the same. Each situation is different. I have a friend that gets together with her, her new H, her xH and his gf and they have a great time. To me, it depends on how mature you are and how bitter and ugly the breakup was.
Mz. Pixie Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 What a generalization. Not all xH and xW are the same. Each situation is different. I have a friend that gets together with her, her new H, her xH and his gf and they have a great time. To me, it depends on how mature you are and how bitter and ugly the breakup was. True. I'd love to be nice with my ex. I'd LOVE to. But these guys are not telling their part of the story and what they are doing either. My ex wants to act like he runs the show. There are no agreements, only what he wants to do. And I really don't think he wants me to be WARM towards him.
basscatcher Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 What a generalization. Not all xH and xW are the same. Each situation is different. I have a friend that gets together with her, her new H, her xH and his gf and they have a great time. To me, it depends on how mature you are and how bitter and ugly the breakup was. I use to be this way with my XH also until this certain xgf (now my friend) broke up with him because she wouldn't tolerate anymore of his manipulation and abusive manipulation. She got tired of it all and left him. Then he turned worse then ever and now I have ignored him and put NC on him not only by ignoring him but by also putting a OFP on him.. Too bad too because we did get along for the most part as long as he had a gf and he wasn't interferring in my life. I'm glad his son is 16 almost 17 and doesn't want anything to do with him. It gives me more reason to not have any contact with him.. :lmao:
Author GuySimple Posted August 2, 2006 Author Posted August 2, 2006 Do you think that in general most women do a better job of letting go? It seems that women have more emotional intelligence when it comes to moving on to a new day. That they put things in perspective better over time. I find that most men move on quickly but really don't let go as well of the anger or hurt.
Mz. Pixie Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 I think it is whoever wanted the divorce that let's go the quickest. Many times women have emotionally moved on before they actually ask for the divorce.
Author GuySimple Posted August 2, 2006 Author Posted August 2, 2006 I agree with the comment Pix. I find that even when men wanted out they still find it difficult to let go. I am sure this is not in all cases. But, it seems that men want to be wanted more than women and can't get past the rejection part of letting go. I find that men also have a problem with being alone for the most part. We typically want to have a partner of some level. They may not be a serious partner but a partner in some respect. I have heard of some women who are entering the dating game 8 years or more after their marriage. That just does not happen with the majority of men whom 8 months would be along time.
Mz. Pixie Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 I find that men also have a problem with being alone for the most part. We typically want to have a partner of some level. They may not be a serious partner but a partner in some respect. I have heard of some women who are entering the dating game 8 years or more after their marriage. That just does not happen with the majority of men whom 8 months would be along time. I can agree with this. Funny, a while back there was a post from this guy- Selfless Love is Just an Illusion and people were bashing his wife because she moved on while he was in a coma for 17 months. I think it's hilarious because alot of men wouldn't wait as long as she did. Not slamming men, but in that thread I told the story of my best friend and her husband. And how fast he remarried after her death. Also, I know very very few men who stayed faithful as their wives struggled with cancer and such. I know one- who nursed his wife for two years- stayed faithful- and then didn't remarry until a year after she died. Out of respect for her. Otherwise they just get lonely I think and have needs. Not bashing again, but that's just how they are made. My grandfather made my grandmother swear she'd not get remarried if he died. But then he told her he would, because men werent' made to be alone. Sounds sexist but I believe there is truth to that! She never remarried either- and she was young when he died. She didn't have much either and I have often been very sad that she didn't and experience some of life- perhaps travel or things like that. He was an invalid in their marriage and they'd never even owned a home. I can't help feel she was cheated out of some of that. My husband didn't date for six months when his wife left him. He went to marriage counseling alone and yeah, I know he loved her. But, he got lonely I'm sure and wanted to be with someone.
Diver012 Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 I feel the opposite. Maybe im the exception to the rule. Im out of a relationship, (Not Married) for 3 months now. I cant even think of moving on to another relationship. I just want to be me and hang out. I loved my Ex deeply, but something changed and she ended it. I never got an explanation nor any warning that things were going wrong for her. I feel like I am healing and moving on, but im not there yet. It will take months before I am ready... Then the fun begins. I was single for 3 years prior to my last Ex. Long story there but I was in a difficult situation where I used to live... What im saying is my first go at dating again blew up in my face. Right now it scares the hell out of me thinking about dating again.
Author GuySimple Posted August 7, 2006 Author Posted August 7, 2006 Interesting Driver, so because of the bad experiences you are not interesting dating. I can see that. Taking time for you is always time well spent. I went through a period when I first separated of wanted to date fairly quickly. I don't know if it was because I was feeling crappy that it was my wife’s idea to end it or if deep down it was mine and I wanted to see what else there was out there. Although I am now in a relationship, I know that I also like being alone at times. But I do need companionship of some kind. Friendships are good but unless the person as gone through similar situations it is difficult to bond with them like you can a companion.
Guest Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Not slamming men, but in that thread I told the story of my best friend and her husband. And how fast he remarried after her death. Also, I know very very few men who stayed faithful as their wives struggled with cancer and such. I know one- who nursed his wife for two years- stayed faithful- and then didn't remarry until a year after she died. Out of respect for her. Otherwise they just get lonely I think and have needs. Not bashing again, but that's just how they are made. My grandfather made my grandmother swear she'd not get remarried if he died. But then he told her he would, because men werent' made to be alone. Sounds sexist but I believe there is truth to that! She never remarried either- and she was young when he died. She didn't have much either and I have often been very sad that she didn't and experience some of life- perhaps travel or things like that. He was an invalid in their marriage and they'd never even owned a home. I can't help feel she was cheated out of some of that. My husband didn't date for six months when his wife left him. He went to marriage counseling alone and yeah, I know he loved her. But, he got lonely I'm sure and wanted to be with someone. If I die before my wife; I pray that she finds someone who will rock her world and not sit around and wail and fret until the day she dies. Live life and let me go if that is the case. I just do not want to see it happen, lol. We all get lonely. We all need love and acceptance. No gender can escape this basic need, either emotional nor physical. Grandparents and parents seem to have a way of screwing things up with certain thinking sometimes! Hmmm sounds familiar, lol!
lindya Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 I've hung around with a few single (divorced or separated) guys lately. Kind of a sorry (and cynical) lot, but kind of fun. They all seem to feel their ex is cold, and dare to say b-tchy about just about everything that involves a decision. I wonder if they feel that it's more face-saving to say "my ex is a bitch" than it would be to say "man, it really hurts to see this switch in attitude from the woman I once loved/still love." It might be less a case of the woman acting like a bitch, more a case of her simply withdrawing emotionally from the situation (which, logically, is what a person needs to do once a relationship is over). I get the feeling, from various articles and opinions I've read, that over in the US there's a sort of masculinist movement...this being a reaction to what some men perceive as pressure to conform to feminine notions of how a man "should" be. So there's a gut reaction to the idea of discussing relationship difficulties in anything other than superficial - sometimes quite destructive -terms. The catch is that "femininist expectations" are replaced by "masculinist expectations" that might feel every bit as restrictive to a lot of men. It's a tricky one. Emotional fulfilment requires some level of emotional intelligence. Conversations with male friends/acquaintances convince me that men tend to be as emotionally intelligent as women are if they want to be. The difficulty probably is that some guys continue to view emotional intelligence as a feminine thing that will rob them of their masculinity....so they will tend to discuss communication and relationship difficulties with reference to stereotypical notions that aren't particularly conducive to developing useful insights. The insights, for instance, that help a person to understand and manage their anger and sadness effectively....and deal with all that ego damage that comes from being rejected by someone you want.
Recommended Posts